Friday, December 29, 2006

A time to pray

In the upcoming year I want to be a better Milly only let’s face it I am who I am. I’ve examined myself a bit taking the time to pick it up and turn it over, I’ve even tossed it out there for you folks to look at. I’m honest about how I am.

This upcoming year needs for us to be a praying people we need peace in our hearts and in our countries. I know that several visit from other countries I see only briefly the hardships. I posted about a documentary called Check Point, it didn’t get rave reviews, it did grab at my heart. Children forced to walk alone because the mother didn’t have her papers, young men away from the lazy boyhood dreams. No matter the country your from, no matter what you believe on January first I will remove the fact that I’m American and pray for all of those caught in the wars.

You don’t have to sign up, you don’t have to add to the prayer list, it doesn’t need to be an hour, you can pray for yourself, those on the list, and others.

Dave- Marriage breaking up, his angry son to find forgiveness in his mother, his mother to see her sin in the affair and repair some of the damage.

My church- It’s walk with God
Peace on Earth
Those involved in the war
Children around the world
My uncle’s cancer to be gone
Kansas Bob and his family
DougALug and his family
My blogger family
My friends that are pregnant
Karen's son Robert
From Maeghan:
Closer walk with God
Commit to spread His love to people around me especially those so in need of His love
All my blogger friends - our dreams, expectations, responsibilities.
My friends who are ill
My friends, relatives, colleagues who do not yet know Christ

Praise for we are saved, we are comforted, because He loves us for who we are with Him.

Please feel free to add to this list. I will update.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

So you know in case you need to know

I've heard of a kidney stone cure. I have never had one, I’ve been told that they are very painful so I need to pass this cure on to you. Actually it isn’t a cure so much as a way to make them easier to pass out of your system.

This isn’t a joke it has been tried and I’ve been told that it works.

You eat one can of asparagus then drink a six pack of coke as fast as you can. You can’t sip it you have to down the stuff quickly. It must help to remove the painful burs that those things have.

Feeling Blessed

Today as I was surfing for something to watch on television while making lunch I came across a documentary called Checkpoint.

My daughter struggled to read the subtitles and I was glad she isn’t a fast reader at times. It shows the mundane part of working as a soldier of check points. You see how difficult it is to go from one city to another, some were trapped in between the check points. Children were sent on alone, my daughter hated that. "You would never do that would you momma?" "No I wouldn’t, but we don’t know why she did that she may felt it safer for them to go on without her."

I live close to Tulsa, in fact it’s right there. It’s hard to believe that I might go to Tulsa in the morning for work and not be able to go home that evening.

What drew me in to watch this?
The young man who asked a minister for a photograph with him. The minister insisted that he remove his helmet and gun. As you know that’s a very dangerous move to make in a country where dying is a noble mission. The young man looked to be about in his teens, when he removed those furnishings of war he didn’t appear to be much older then my son. My heart ached when I saw that boyish grin, he should be thinking of girls and chasing after lofty dreams. When the minister said that he wished it would stop and the boy could go home the boy said something that hit me hard. I had to get up from the chair and walk away he’s just a boy like our little boys. He said "I miss my mommy"

In January we are having a day of prayer I will be spending my hour praying for you and praying that the boy is able to put down that weapon take off the helmet and go home to his mommy.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Surprise for Me

My husband and I gave up giving gifts to each other at Christmas some time ago so when a little something shows up it’s well planned or just a cool find for each other. Last year he had someone pick up a Dallis Cowboy Drew Bledsoe jersey while they attended a game. I had absolutely no idea he was in search of one, I did know that they couldn’t be found in the Tulsa area.

This year after hearing me talk about finding the movie Groundhog Day he surprised me with the DVD. Too cool.

We love to have people over for games or a movie. We are going to watch the movie and have dinner taking time to discuss the religious aspects of the movie. I’m going to view it on my day off to start taking notes, be ready to hear from me on this movie.

A note not a card

I failed to send Christmas cards out this year and so did my husband. He sends to his family and friends and I send to mine. This isn’t the first year that we failed on this one, we’ve done it before and we’ll do it again.

To make up for my failings I write a family letter yep my friends get punished for my failings.
I have to make it fun because no one likes to read the droning ons of family life.
Here is the rough draft

Dear friends and family,

This year we decided not to send out Christmas cards because of the whole commercialism with the industry. Instead we are sending you this letter some of you are getting it e-mailed so that we can save the environment and not give the postal system more over priced stampage money.

Everyone here is doing well.

The husband is always looking for things to do so I let him vacuum and clean around the house. He’d love to give up his job working for the man to just fix stuff at church but money is an issue, darn government.

The wife is recovered from her surgery for the most part and has been, as the husband
instructed not to do, over doing it. So she shall stop trying to lift heavy stuff for a while. Oh yes the wife had surgery, two at once. . . well . . . they took turns, I think, I was out. Thank goodness. No big deal, I’ll be fine. I’m working in the home improvement industry and enjoy it. My favorite is the day that we can pay the bills and stay in this big house.

We moved last year, for those who didn’t know, as of Thanksgiving we’ve been here for a year. We no longer live in Tulsa. We however are almost close enough to spit in Tulsa. We have gone from the little three bedroom to a four bedroom two story home with the big open kitchen where I pretend that I cook.

The boy turned thirteen in November and is such a great kid. He is going to be taking the ACTs at the beginning of next year and his grades are wonderful. He spends his time with his church group I hear he is great at serving food to the homeless, playing video games, scouts, and with his studies. I do worry that he has a bit too much pressure on him he is now taking ninth grade math and they are working towards trigonometry in the next year or so.

The girl is about to turn seven. She has a boy friend, I think it’s way early in life but the look on her dad’s face when he found out was priceless. Heh! The years to come are going to be fun. The girl never stops moving she bright and zealous about everything but cleaning her room. She was in the choir for the December service and an angel for the Christmas eve service. I missed seeing her sing.

J and I try to balance our church time and family time so that all get the right amount of attention. It’s not easy but we want our children to know that helping around the church is also part of the experience.

I miss you folks that can’t be with us but understand that life takes you away, we feel so blessed to have those who are here with us and you who are there with us in spirit. I think of you often.

We had a bit of sad news in the last year with the loss of an aunt and one of mom and dad’s friends. My cousin is looking at a difficult divorce and isn’t handling it well right now. As you know my brother went through one and had some sage advice for him "Don’t marry a lesbian" I think that’s a good piece of advice. His new wife and daughter are doing well it looks like he learned from the first one and did well.

My dad is still hanging on. He spends time with the kids and fishing.

My sister is working way too much, you can’t do much about that it’s how things are. They lay folks off and work the others more. The reality of it is that a younger generation would gladly step into the job. She spends time working and hanging out with my kids.

I pray that all of you are doing well and that life in your homes is good. We should all take the time in the next year to see how blessed we are.
God bless,

Friday, December 22, 2006


Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Please put DugALug on your prayer list.


artwork by SteveHanks

Have you ever felt out of sorts? And you can’t really figure out why but you feel it. My family is a bit out of sorts these days. The missing those who have left this earth. The reality that the cancer might win. It’s hard to hold focus when these life lessons are going on but we should.

My daughter is going to be an angel for Christmas Eve services, ok all the children are going to be angels, she’ll be the best and I know you all agree. I might not see her because I’m working . That doesn’t matter. . .she will still sing on.

We shop and fret about dinner. . . should we buy this and cook that? I doesn’t matter.
Christmas is a time of coming together to rejoice in a birth that gave us life. Then I didn’t need to tell you this did I?

It’s odd to celebrate this day to me because my CoC background tells me that we should celebrate it every day. . . we don’t, not really. We get up and go to work . . .do you think about Jesus or do you think about your day to come or the song on the radio?

I want to make that my New Years resolution to think of the birth, to rejoice every day but that wouldn’t last because I become self centered. So today I will pause and rejoice.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


If you were thinking it looks familiar it is. I wrote this sometime back but wanted to republish it again at this time.

I’m not so sure that I truly understood the pain that she must have felt while watching Him travel from place to place being treated as a criminal and as a star, so to speak, until I gave birth to my son. He was a surprise, a big surprise. I remember looking in the mirror after the second test thinking huh?. . . . Me . . .Us . . . We can’t do this. I remember the sound of the receptionist’s voice when she said "Congratulations" and I said "A . . . sure" she responded with "Oh" I then began to try to redeem myself with "No. . . no . . . I’m happy".

What did she feel? Was she as afraid as I was?
More so I think.

My pregnancy was great, my friends and family were happy, my husband was a proud father to be.
I couldn’t seem to stop smiling.

Did she keep a smile on her face?
I think she must have.

How did he feel when she told him? Did he look shocked?
Most fathers do the first time.

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

I wonder if she talked to Him before he was born? Did she put her hand on her tummy to feel His kicks?
She must have.

When my son was born I sat in the hospital bed looking down at this small being wondering what to do. How I loved him so much. I could hardly take my eyes from him.

She must have been as fascinated.

I remember standing at the window of my son’s room looking out at the moon, so big and silver. It looked as if you could touch it. I remember as I stood with my sleeping baby, worried as all new mothers worry about the things that could take this little one away, I remember thinking God how hard to send Him here to die. I couldn’t let my child go to the cross. I turned and looked at my sleeping boy safe and warm. I truly know the sacrifice that mother made for us.

She carried a child for us.

She nurtured a child for us.

She watched as they beat, mocked, tortured, and one by one drove nails into Him.

After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him.

My son had three stitches above his eye I want to take his pain away and I felt like hitting the doctor when he rushed not making sure it was numb.
Only three tiny stitshes went through my heart.

Did it feel as if those nails were going into her heart each one more painful than the other?
How broken she must have felt as she watched her son die a horrible and painful death. Was she relieved when He took His last breath?
No more pain.
Now it’s done.

How hard it must have been to hold her son knowing He wouldn’t smile at her on this earth again.
Was she comforted by the knowledge that He Was, Is, And Will Always Be?

I know a mother’s heart. She must have hurt so much for Him.
I know that God gave her comfort through it all.
I am so grateful for Mary.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it" (John 3:16-17).

Monday, December 18, 2006

Saturday was set for the services.

We all wrote the eulogy as we talked about her. The lady from the funeral home listened to us say things about her and wrote from it. My sister and I picked the casket. My brother found the cemetery, I can walk to it from where I live now, I like that. My husband and I chose her flowers for the casket, a rose from each of us, we each had a bush planted at their house so we chose those colors. My sister and I chose her cloths, we put those house shoes on her, she always wore them at home, they were the ones she gave me when I had my son. My husband and I purchased a ring for her, I have one like it, he got me one later, she never wanted to be buried in her good stuff. Twice while we were at the funeral home doors opened and no one was there, it was some how comforting to think that she might be checking up on us.

God sticks with us in times like these he gave me a worship leader who listened while I cried, then he found singers for us. My mother liked the singing at my church more then her’s so the weekend before Christmas we asked them to come, several said yes, one man knew my father and insisted on being there.

The governor sent a decree, we had so much food we had to send it to other places, the funeral home was filled with flowers, her church was standing room only, Hope Harbor received lots of donations in her name, she would have thought it all too much of a fuss for the dead.. . .after all we aren’t there.


Saturday brought a cold wet chill to us. I sat numb by that point I can’t remember parts of the day. My mother taught me not to cry at funerals, I held tight to that. My sister and I blew her a kiss and then they closed the casket. The driver fell asleep several times as he drove our limousine. I couldn’t stop giggling as we swerved around almost going into ditches. My mother would have told that story with funny faces and an "I thought we were gonna die on our way to the cemetery." I lingered at the grave site, it was hard to leave her in the cold. I told myself she wasn’t there, still it was cold and she was going to be alone.

We had to go on it’s almost Christmas and she always had last minute shopping to do, except this year. . .some how she had finished it. My sister and I sat shocked at the fact that she had done it all.

Christmas was a blur to us as we tried to make it fun for our son in our grief. We tried to hold on to the fact that God sent His Son for just those times, life after death.

Why did I tell this difficult story of what happened so many yet so few years ago at Christmas time?

Because I want everyone to know that through it all God held us together. He gave me peace when I thought I was falling apart, He gave me opened doors when I felt like screaming, He gave me humor in those unbearable moments. . .God held my hand.

I also want you to know that women experience heart problems differently then men and not all doctors know that. They feel it in their backs and legs. Always insist on an EKG if you think for a second that it might be your heart. Her arm hurt, then her back and legs. That is a big red flag that was missed because she had shots that day. Something catastrophic happened in her body and I doubt that they could have saved her. The important thing is that they might have and she would have been in the hospital, not at home for dad to try to save, for her nephew to try to fight his way past his colleagues, for my son to see what he saw. For us to go through that day like that.

I wasn’t angry with the doctor for the mistake and I call the hospital to tell them that I just wanted him to be more informed so that no one would ever think that their mother had a virus and die the next day.

Mom is a wonderful Memory in my heart, she will always guide me through life. I was blessed by her and pray that some day I’ll be with her again.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

It was a hard day December 17, 1997

I called to check on her she hadn’t been doing well. I had turned down taking on more clients because I was worried about her. She told me she didn’t have pneumonia , I asked what then, I just don’t know she said, the month before. Her new doctor was working on finding out what was going on with her. Darn the insurance companies they can legally kill people, they put road blocks up.

I call that morning to check on her, she answered in a weak voice, I asked her how she was. She said that she felt a little better but was still in pain, we said I love you as dad took over the conversation. We didn’t know.

The next time my phone rang my father said " I think we’ve lost your mom." I remember how calm I was at that moment. I questioned him about where he was and who was with him. I couldn’t grasp it after I hung up. This is a mistake No this just isn’t right I’ve misunderstood but he can’t be alone so I dial my aunt. Her words were Oh Milly. I feel to the floor screaming I threw the phone. No it can’t be right I said as I picked up the phone she too was screaming. I called my husband, the words were inconceivable, he could hear of it and argued, I asked him to go to dad. I dressed quickly and put my son in the car. I was frantic. I was speeding and crying. I remember thinking how I must be freaking my son out. I tried to calm myself down, I couldn’t. I remember the exact spot where it came over me a calmness that stopped me. I stopped the car in the middle of the road. I felt her, I felt her hand on my face. Her soft sweet little hand on my face like I had felt so many times before. She did that she would look up at you and smile as she put her hand on your face. I sat and cried said good bye and drove on.

The ambulance and fire tuck gave me a sick feeling and the panic came rushing back. I quickly rushed in with my son in my arms. I was stopped in the living room, I felt my self falling to my knees and my son being taken from my arms.

My cousin, a firefighter, was held back by his friends. He came to me and shook his head no. He tried to speak but no real words came out. I looked around the room at the faces we were all so shocked . My sister was at work and no one could get her, a firefighter had heard of her and called a coworker to find her. Thank God they worked at the same place and she has an unusual name. I was pulled out and told to get into the van. We followed the ambulance, I could see him working on her, he never stopped. It all seemed to be in slow motion. My father was telling me he should have taken her in earlier. He was going to get her to take her to her doctor when he found her. I try to reassure him. I remember thinking it a dream and if I were to open this van door I could just walk out.

We arrived at the hospital and stood stunned. What now? A social worker or something came up to us asking what happened. I said she came here and the gave her medication and they’ve killed her. She got loud and angry I was shocked it wasn’t her mother in there it was mine. We were escorted into the chapel. My husband told the women social something not to speak to us again if she had something to say he’d talk to her.

Dad and I sat in the chapel, we didn’t know what to say to each other. Sean kept coming in and asking questions. He was the paramedic who had worked on her. He was also preparing us. I remember asking for something to drink from someone. My husband called his parents. No amount of prayers would save her on this earth. I at some point stepped out of the very small chapel to see the nursery, new life. I stood crying at the circle of this world life and death.
Then it was over they tried but nothing could be done. I was stunned at what the doctor asked my father and I couldn’t speak we just looked at each other. I looked at my husband he said don’t do it. So we don’t actually know what happened.

I sat next to her body for a while, I asked her to wake up. I hated leaving her there alone. She hated doctors and hospitals. A nurse asked if she had any jewelry on. I said no then she hugged me.

In silence we drove home.

My father stopped the clock from chiming, the other clock stopped on its own and there was a blackout in her home town. . . all of these thing happened at the same time.

Before she died my brother had a surprise wedding, they almost waited a bit longer. God stepped in.

I found my sister sitting on the bedroom floor. I told her what she knew.

Now we had to grow up.

. . .and now we have to make plans.

Friday, December 15, 2006

It's Tuesday and. . .

I called her to tell her that her grandson had checked out fine, must have be a little virus. She complained that her arm hurt from the shots and going to get a flu and pneumonia shot might not have been a good idea today because she really hadn’t felt well lately. Arms get a bit sore from shots, that could be it. Most likely, we talked on.

The phone rang, a panicked cousin, where’s your mom?

At home, she isn’t feeling well.

I know she’s in a lot of pain and your dad’s on his way to take her to the doctor.

I’m baby sitting tonight for friends.

I called my sister and explain what little I knew.

After a while I called the hospital, my sister is on her way to my house and the parents are due to pick the baby up. They have sent her home. I called dad. He explained what the doctor said.

They picked up the baby. We loved playing with him. Those two were so over joyed for us when I got pregnant. He was my boss and they were very good friends. When my son was born they insisted on babysitting. She brought him in at lunch so that I could see him. Mike had held him that morning while shaving and he carried him around as he worked and held him while he ate Lynn was great at taking care of him. I was so glad that they had two littles of there own. Time has past us and they moved away. I miss those two.

My sister and I stay up for hours talking.

I think that something is wrong, when I went to bed I just couldn’t sleep.

Something felt wrong.

It is just a day

Today was just an ordinary day I suppose. I don’t remember it. It’s been so many years and it was just a day not like the other days. Did she call today? I don’t remember. We called each other almost every day, Mondays were harder you had to regroup from the weekend.

To say that she was not just my mom but she was my best friend isn’t a lie. We were close, we talked about everything. . . . even that.

She would scold me as moms do but she was special because she knew how to love us for who we were. Things that my siblings did I didn’t do. Things that I did, sins that I committed were listened to and forgotten.

She prayed hard and loved openly.

When my marriage was hurting she listened. At times she gave me advice I didn’t want to hear. She was right.

She didn’t like or get jokes, we drove her crazy dad and I when we went through the joke phase. She was funny and she loved to laugh. The faces that she made alone were enough to get me going. Mom love to laugh at herself, her telling of her day at times was hysterical. It was clogged so I looked in the hose and pushed the reverse button, the thing is that it took me way to long to figure it out.

She loved people and felt for those less fortunate then us. She understood that sometimes people do what they can to make it.

She loved my son so much that she would cry. I’d look over and see her tears or she’d call to tell me that she loved him so much that she just had to cry. She gave him so much love.

It was just a day I can’t remember.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

We walk on

Christmas will be here soon and she never has her shopping completed. I took her last week and she didn’t even really shop. My sister grimaced at what I had just said. She called her.

Mom wasn’t feeling well and she just hadn’t been well all week. She said was worried that she’d become ill while out, darn it I want to have lunch and shop with my girls and grandson. She called back.

We enjoyed a lunch together then hit the stores. Sadly my sister had to go early. Mom and I walked the mall several times talking. We weren’t really shopping just enjoying the time together.

It’s odd how He talks to us. I sat that Saturday before at a party for a women’s group that I belonged to listening to Barbara talk about how she forgot that her mother was gone. She was cooking and wanted to ask her something so she picked up the phone and started to dial. I remember thinking how important mom is to me that night. I even told mom what the friend had said . . . she understood, she missed her mom also. I was sitting in the pew that Sunday when I heard a baby cry, I remember thinking that’s music to Gods ears it’s life, life He gave us. I thought about how things happen one dies another is born, we cry for our losses as a baby cries in hunger.

And we walked together just talking.

She stopped and looked at me and said “If anything should go wrong with my heart take me to Tulsa I don’t trust the other hospital”

I agreed asking if she should tell me something.

“No, I was just thinking”

And we walked on.

We stopped in the book store, a treat for her grandson a 101 Dalmatians book. Now tucked away in a special place. We didn’t know how important that book would be.

We watched the little train go around for a while. My son loved watching it.

And walked on.

We lingered and laughed at the fact that we just didn’t want to leave each other yet as we slowly walked talking about things in our lives.

Finally we gave in and went to our cars. As always we hugged and kissed goodbye. I love you was always said when we parted.

She got into her little car, it was freedom to her, though she fretted at her driving as she aged. I watched as she drove away smoking, smiling, and waving.

I put out the decorations today, it’s a nice day for it. Holly on the bench and two small Christmas trees this year.

Monday, December 11, 2006

In order for me to move on with my life I must finish the Flirting Part Doux Post

To do so I have to define flirting

flirt >verb 1 behave playfully in a sexually enticing manner.

Wow that’s not exactly me.
It sure wasn’t me tonight or last night. I did get a few hugs from men. One has a four day old baby, I was so happy for that exhausted father he hugged me twice. I gave him a candy cane.

A very wise friend told me this when I asked his opinion

Touching is not flirting. Helping is not flirting. Smiling is not flirting. Friendly is beyond OK - it's the most lovely thing in the whole social world. I love friendly people who touch and smile a lot.

Now that my friends is Milly at work. When I clock in the place becomes my stage. I’m on I want to help those who need me and I want to enjoy those wonderful people that God created. I laugh, tease, and play. Tonight I gave out some small candy canes. It was fun I got several long day folks to smile.

The big question at hand is~Have I crossed that line?
The line just passed being nice and being a flirt.

I won’t lie. I can say yes I have.
Now was it to get power? No
Was it for something monetary? No

It’s ego building to say to a man don’t forget your things or you'll have to come back and see me and have him say I wouldn’t mind that.

That was a line that I shouldn’t have crossed. That was my sin to repent. That is why I wrote this post so that we could analyze ourselves.

Now to answer the responses

I’ll start with Danny

I suppose I seem like I’m flirting on these blogs. I try not to. I will say this I find that I’m protective of my guys. I have found myself defending some of you against the women as if I’m a big sister. I think of you boys as my cowboys and I know that you can take care of yourselves, I just hate it.

I understand why you consider flirting just innocent fun, harmless really. But you are not a man and cannot grasp what goes on in a man's head, heart, and emotions when, if our guard is down, a pretty girl flirts. And it is much worse for non-Christian men because they aren't even trying to stay pure.

Thank you for calling me a pretty girl, the girl part is the part I liked the best. Not saying old lady was a plus and you get points. (I'll mail then to you)

We ladies think stuff too, I could try to explain the mentality of a 40 something woman. (E-mail me if you must know)

As for the way I dress at work it's typical of where I work. Faded jeans sneakers, and a shirt. Plus the thing with my name written in Sharpie on it. Not exactly sexy. I will admit that I wear makeup my man likes it on me. Thank you for your perspective.

Thank you Chip for pointing out that we all need to be careful. We never know who’s out there.

We love how you love her. You give the best advice as you tell us how you feel.

Kansas Bob,
Always an anchor with your wisdom

I think that what you and I do isn’t actually flirting as the definition goes. I am in no way wanting favors or sex. I want to talk and play with some of these folks. I've been asked out. I always say my husband won’t let me date. He doesn’t. I also talk about my husband and children, they are my life and the reason that I’m working in that place.

I wonder if what to some seems to be flirting to those doing it is being outgoing?
Thank you for your prospective from a spouses view

I was raised in a family of outgoing people. My dad loves to laugh, he is polite and sweet. He shakes hands and looks you in the eyes. He’s a very loving man.

My mom adopted every stray friend I had. She was a loving woman who had no problem putting her hand on yours. I can still see her hugging people she just met.

We are a talkative lot. Remember that’s what my brother does, he’s a politician. I was raised to love people to enjoy them, and despite some of them I do.

I’m not so sure we’re flirts. I think we are friendly folks. And sure one of us might cross a line, we’re human after all, and I’ll bet that some take it in the wrong way, but we can’t let that stop us from loving you people out there.

Wise man saying to end this
Flirting is about power, but smiling is about love

I should be doing other things today.

I should be at the cemetery tending to things

It is what I do after all
The flowers aren’t even ready yet
Life moves on and that’s how she wanted it

I should be cleaning the bench and the marker
I should check on the baby, I could have put something on the grave so that his parents know that we care, they know I listen to them when they need to talk

Flowers for Christmas,
I should have already taken them out

I wonder if the teen who died not so many years ago still gets visits from his friends. I don’t see Dr. Peper and powdered doughnuts anymore. The cigaret butts left and one unburned as a tribute are no longer as they move on with their own lives, hopeful wiser about drinking and driving

Parents leave toys for the lost children a broken heart never to mend.
So many left undecorated, people move on with there lives
That’s good

I don’t know why but it’s comforting to tend to those duties

I look at those near her grave and wonder if they are missed like she is

Her last bit of good advice
"Life is too short, to worry about the little things."
She was so right.

Friday, December 08, 2006


My computer shut down due to a thermal problem. Any ideas?

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Milly's a big O flirt

Tonight I was talking to a male co-worker about flirting. I flirt, I do, I refuse to add a lie to my list of sins so I admit it. Plus people see me.

Now there are differences between giggling at a joke and saying suggestive things I don’t do that.

Here is what made me realize I need to be a bit more careful.

It was very early in the morning at work, as most know I work in home improvement so most of our early shoppers are male. As I said I was at work a nice looking guy came through we chatted a bit as he was checking out. He almost forget to take his bag, I said "If you had left it you would have had to come back to see me." With a smile on my face. He said "I wouldn’t mind that" smiling back. Now I know you’re thinking Oh no she’s married and this guy. . . Nope not this guy. He left then came back in blushing. He apologized for flirting with me. I apologized for starting it. That was a nice thing to do coming back in.

The other day a guy turned from the line he was in and winked big time at me, I looked around to be sure it was me. I’m not sure if I’ve seen him ever before, I get to see so many men at work. Some want hugs, I’ve had husbands slip an arm around me while we talked, in front of wives. Men have tried to tip me, they dance with me, we yell, we joke, they take my hand it’s all in fun. Believe it or not the bonding with the customer is important, they come back and when they have a problem they come to you. That’s good for my job and for the company.

I worked in truck stops for years so I’ve heard a lot of stuff. I blush sometimes and walk away from some guys but I can take a lot of them without being offended.

I posed this question to two of my friends, they happen to be married to each other. I asked them when they were apart so as not to have the answers tainted.

The wife said flirting is fine because she knows me and that’s how I am, it’s harmless.

The husband said No flirting is wrong.

I still am a bit of a flirt. I try to be careful now.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Fun Book Thing

I found this on another blog and thought it kind of fun

The rules are:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next four sentences on your blog, along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest!

No, God does not “send” people to hell. Nor does he send “people” to hell. That is the second misconception.

The word people is neutral, implying innocence. Nowhere does Scripture teach that innocent people are condemned.

When Christ Comes by Max Lucado

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Now that I’ve gotten my candle burning

I can light another’s candle.

Ok so I have to drop this candle thing. How can you tell someone that they don’t seem to be on fire with the spirit of the Lord? If you’re just that blunt and sure of what you are going to say then I suppose that you might walk up and tell them. I’m not, I’m not because I never really know what’s in others hearts. I would sit down and tell them how I have had moments failure in my walk with our Lord. I stumble, I’m a klutz in my walk, I turn and look at what’s behind me, not what’s waiting in my path.

Milly can really do it sometimes. I’m surprised it hasn’t been shown on TV somewhere. One day after purchasing my makeup I headed into the mall for more shopping, I turned and looked over my shoulder BAM! I ran face first into the glass door of the rather nice store I was leaving. I adjusted myself and tried to be cool. I wanted to pass out, my face hurt. Now I can pass it off to the fact that the door was pulled out a bit more then normal, and it was. The honest truth. . . .I was looking in the wrong direction. Looking the wrong way in my walk gave me a black eye and a wounded ego. If we turn our heads in our walk with God, we get wounded. Our wounds are healed because of His.

So how do we wake every day and hold on to that?

This world is filled with those who hurt us, it’s full of lies, and liars. It’s easy to fall prey to the demises of God’s love. What on earth qualifies any of us to sit next to someone and talk about their walk? Heck I can’t seem to get past the glass door.


I would hope that someone might say to me "Listen you aren’t living it."

What then if I listen to you and walk away without talking about what’s going on? You can pray for me.

I have no answer as you can see because each one of us experience God on our own and no one can light our fires but us, God waits for us to put flame to wick and shine in the darkness of this world.

I pray that we can all walk passed those glass doors without getting a black eye.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Christmas thoughts

My favorite Christmas memory as a child was when a friend of my Dad’s gave us some hay for the reindeer. Now I have to tell you that my Dad loved holidays, growing up poor he cherished his family and the gifts that we were blessed with. His friend was a colleague from work, we loved his family and still look forward to spending time with his wife and children, the friend died several years ago from cancer. His memory will always be with us because of things like this.
Back to the hay

Where does Santa land that sleigh?

Yes, on the rooftop because he comes down the chimney .

Where should the hay be put?

That’s right on the roof top in the snow, a nice treat for those who don’t always have a white Christmas.

Not so nice for the Daddy who has to climb up and get it down at midnight in the cold snow.
Santa also left boot prints from the fire place that year.
I love my Santa.

Here’s a great way to give the reindeer a snack. Feed them reindeer food.
It’s glitter and flour mixed, you toss it in the air.

The kids love it and you don’t have to climb the rooftop in the middle of the night rethinking your friendship.

I also loved the Christmas where I played Mrs. Santa Clause
I was hired by a local landmark restaurant along with Santa to. . . . well you know the drill. It was a Mexican restaurant so we also had a talking tree. Ok so that make no since anywhere, still having the guys sing How Much Is That Doggie In The Window was fun as the tree panicked about dogs. Oh and we’d wait until someone walked by alone and the tree would talk to them, they’d go and get someone to listen to it and the tree wouldn’t speak, we’d act like they were nuts, yep I might just go to heck for that. I would also read It Was The Night Before Christmas to the tree it would interrupt and ask a lot of questions, the kids loved it.

The best thing about being a part of it was the love that parents had for their children, we had several tell us about divorces so that Santa would know to say he’d be at both homes. Diabetic children were given special treats from the treasure room instead of candy canes. One child was confused about seeing so many Santas around, it was explained that we were helpers so that Santa could prepare for Christmas. The cool thing was that they honestly thought that Santa knew them. I thought it was rather cool that we were part of a memory for someone else. Who knows someone might be blogging about the time Santa knew he was going to be spending Christmas with just mom and not dad that year or traveling to grandma and grandpa’s house.

I’m enjoying the fact that my daughter still believes, my son reasoned it out some time back. He did the math and feels in no way can one man do all that. I’m proud of those reasoning skills but darn the growing up sometimes.

Miss Littles also wants to talk to Santa, she feels that she has some explaining to do.
She so does. ;-}

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Movie Night

I had Friday night off so I declared it family movie night. My husband had called in a vacation day and the school decided no kid should be in school with so much glorious snow on the ground. We had a dinner of chili and snuggled in with Boy Scout popcorn to watch Cars. It’s a hoot of a movie. I will say it’s no Finding Nemo. I wasn’t too happy about the fact that they said Hillbilly Hell twice. I will say that my thirteen year old laughed more than any of us. It’s a very cute movie and does a great job at pointing out the Mother Road. If you haven’t had the opportunity to been on the Mother Road you should make a point to spend a few miles, it’s history. I pass the Blue whale often and take pride in Oklahoma’s part in history.

So the next time you find yourself traveling remember you get your kicks on route 66.


Laundry sits waiting for me to fold,
My head hurts day two of this annoyance.
The headache takes a toll on my mood, eyesight, and temper.
I failed to fill the script that would have given relief, Why ?
Simple economics I had to fill the others first
Pills that take away some of my eyesight, they are dry and things blurry, I get dizzy but my body needs them, so I’m told.
My son has to have his huffer.
So my other pills had to wait.

I want to be at full strength as soon as possible. I know it takes time. It’s difficult when you aren’t sure that everything is taking like it should it seems that my body isn’t rejecting what they put in, that’s a good thing. I just need it to hold for several more years.

I woke early to find a beautiful sunrise on the snow. The earth around me is so amazing. Each flake different, like us together. We together can be pure enough to make a place in Heaven with the love of the one who created the snow.

Laundry waits

Friday, December 01, 2006

I've been tagged by KB!

Don’t worry it didn’t hurt so I didn’t need a band-aid
Favorite Christmas songs in no particular order

Little Drummer Boy~The Bing and Bowe version
Mary Did you Know
Silent Night
O Holy Night
What Child Is This
O Come All Ye Faithful
Holly Jolly Christmas
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas~Meet Me In St. Louis
Silver Bells
Away In The Manger
O Tannenbaum
Light A Candle
We Are The Reason
What A Wonderful World

Now if you want to play join in here or there or anywhere.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Let it snow

By bed time last night it was freezing rain then sleet. I drove to work at 4:30 this morning so that I had plenty of time. I had fun at work we were just busy enough to keep me out of trouble. Important. I’ll post on that later.

The sneet was really coming down throughout the day. Sneet is snow and sleet.

Late afternoon it has turned to snow, lots of snow.

Tonight I’ll dress warmly and walk outside to take in the peaceful beauty.

Tonight while having snuggle time with Miss Little, she demands it every night, I began to think about life and stuff.
I wondered how my cousin and his son are doing now that the girls have moved out. I began to think about how my marriage has outlasted some. I wonder if they will ever get over what she did. I thought about hot chocolate as we drank, would she have made it for them? Did she feel a loss today when the snow fell and the boys weren’t with them, perhaps the new man was there.

I thought about mom and how soon the date that I hate will come bringing a deep sorrow in my heart, something I still don’t understand. I should call my friend to comfort her, why can’t I dial that phone? Is it because it’s so close to that date and the snow as much as I love it, and yet a sadness in me. I loved sitting with mom watching it snow, the smell of the wood burning stove. Hot chocolate with marshmallow cream, she loved that stuff we’d find empty jars with only a spoon it them in the cupboard, after she was gone we made fudge and found one. It brought laughter to us when we felt like crying.

This mornings coldness made my heart ache for those without warmth.
My husband driving home worries me, I’m glad my sister is home safe from her trip.

Tonight I want to stand outside and scream, I won’t break the silence so the scream stays within.

I know that I’m blessed with more than I’m worthy I feel my sin I know it by name.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

This is now a teenager!

I went to my parents home for Thanksgiving when I walked in my Aunt asked me when I was going to have my baby. I looked at my watch and smiled. I then put her hands on my tummy one on his bottom and one on his head. She was a volunteer EMT so she knew I was about to pop. It was a good thing that he had waited because at the end of September things were on the move and I was having contractions, that’s not a good combination. I spent time in the hospital and in bed at home. Everything went where it was suppose to go, thank God., I was able to go back to work in November as long as I promised not to lift stuff. He wasn’t due until December according to the calculations, according to my husband and I we knew he was coming in November. I knew the exact moment he was conceived.

I spent Saturday listening to my mom tell everyone in the mall I was going to give birth any second. Sunday my husband and I walked the mall, I told him how disappointed I was in not having him when my aunt and uncle were in town. I also just knew I was to go into labor today. We went home to cook dinner. I changed cloths and before I could start dinner well . . . my husband had to clean the mess off the floor. Monday morning, November 29th, we were holding that baby boy.

Now he’s a teenager. It’s been an interesting journey so far and I’m looking forward to the future as he becomes a man.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Is your candle lit?

I think that most of us have let the candle go out at one time or another. We get up get dressed and have ourselves a day of darkness, without even knowing it is my guess. Codepoke and I commented on how to get someone to light the candle.
Bible Study: Assurance?

In order to get them to put the wick to the flame we need to be sure that we have a flame going in ourselves. I gave this some thought after I wrote that on Codepokes blog. Do I have the flame? Do I have the flame of God in my heart? Am I even worthy to point to someone and tell them to get burning?

I have to admit my flame flickers in the wind. I have found myself in the darkness questioning God. That’s right I admit it I question Him in times of darkness. . . He answers with light. I’m not as studious as Codepoke when it comes to the word, I feel blessed to have found him, he’s been great in his pursuit of understanding. I am a woman who tries to hear God in the wind, in my children, in the Bible, and in my heart.

I’ve always been taught to think for myself "don’t be a follower" is what Daddy said. . .and so I dance to a different tune. That makes you stand alone when that music ends and it can be rather difficult you begin to doubt yourself. . . .your flame grows dimmer. But this is how God made me and this is how I am He must have wanted a Milly. . .a Milly to question herself so that she can search and find so that she can remember and rekindle the flame.

Today I gave the flame some thought . . .today I made sure my candle was lit.

How is your burning for Jesus?

Monday, November 27, 2006

How do we let the neighborhood know that our church exists without knocking on the door and smacking them over the head with a Bible?

It seems to me to be a fine line between being annoying and being nice when it comes to inviting folks to church.

Several years ago one of our ministers decided to hold a free car wash. No big God only loves clean cars or if you are killed in this car you’ll go to hell pitch.

Last year we held Christmas Eve and Christmas services, my husband put the events on the church sign , several visitors came and one family said that the invitation on the sign brought them in and the hospitality let them know that this is where God wanted them to be.

I use to find a plastic Easter egg on the lawn every year, inside was an invitation to Easter services at a church near by.

I’ve heard of giving out 9v batteries with a note attached saying we care about you please change the battery in your smoke alarm, with the church information on it. Don’t add anything like if you died a sinner you’ll burn in hell, people hate to hear that.

I don’t mind people knocking on my door to invite me. I’m not fond of opening the door with my hair a mess, no makeup, and barking dog trying to eat those church folks. Only to see the picture perfect family standing on the stoop with that smile on their faces. I tell them thank you for the invitation and close the door.

I stared a tradition with our cub scout group to Christmas Carol for food for a food pantry. That would be a fun thing to do gather a group and Christmas Carol to let them know you care.

So how do we reach the masses?

Any ideas?

Sunday, November 26, 2006

It's Sunday

. . . .and today I wondering how to deal with conflict with a person who is very difficult to deal with. I have asked someone else involved to do this for me. I have also brought issues up to an elder. I sat next to this person in church thinking about how wrong he is and how wrong I am for moving my focus to this problem and not keeping it on God. I also went to my bosses about it, they had hoped that I wouldn’t find out what he had done. I easily put the pieces together and made a couple of calls. They let me rant. That entire day that song was in my head "Go away why don’t you just go away" After this he might, I hope so the things he does taints the good he has done. I know that I need to give this one to God.

That’s where my free thoughts will be today.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Sunday, November 19, 2006

I climb

Forgive me Lord for standing at the bottom of the mountain looking up and think it too mighty of a climb to even start. I tarried so long in the meadow chasing after butterflies with nonsensical dreams, picking flowers things fade and die in my hands.

Forgive me for giving the glory to myself when I began to climb, prideful to see how quickly and how far I made it on my own, never stopping to realize my view was your creation as I took a breath and marveled at the land below. I could not see that the footholds were planned by You.

As I climb my mountain I realize this climb is my judgement each reach each foot step is being judged. I am thankful for the blood of forgiveness when I’m feeling alone in my climb, you were forgotten in the moment of my sin. Forgive me for not realizing it was your hand that reaches for me when I’m hanging from those rocks. It was you who kept me warm when I slept in that cold dark cave of the unknown.

Thank you Lord for the stars at night and the sun in the day. It is your was your creation growing so beautifully amongst the rocks, your creation given what is needed by you to thrive in such a harsh place to seed and live on.

Thank you Lord for the love that has gotten me to the summit. I fall to my knees and thank you for the view of your creation that you have given me.

Thursday, November 16, 2006


Today was a good day I had lots to do at work and saw some of my favorite guys, one three times, he put his head down like a guilty little boy when he once again came through my line. I’ll probably see him tomorrow. I danced and sang off key to Christmas music with one of the new guys until our boss said the music was bad enough me singing was too much, yes apparently that’s how we trick you into purchasing more unneeded items we pipe in Christmas music.

Tonight I feel a bit wiped out I’ve cooked, cleaned, homeworked, answered the phone made phone calls, typed, and done some paperwork. I’ve had snuggle time and tucked them in.

It’s a bit odd to me how you can have such a great life with so many blessings and still feel like I do right now. I suddenly felt as if it was too much. . . the demands of the day. I’m sure that I’m not alone, I'm sure I’m not. We all have moments when we could walk away from the reality of day to day and sit alone on the top of a mountain. That’s what I feel as if I need to get on my knees and reach for the top of the mountain for peace.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

How to we select volunteers?

Well that in a way is a very silly question. People volunteer because they want to do what ever task they are passionate about. The problem is as byevad and Danny pointed out we must protect those who are susceptible to harm not just physically but spiritually. That doesn’t just apply to our youth us adults can fall prey to the false word.

The thing is when a new comer walks in those doors and offers to help we need to let them help somewhere that is fulfilling and will spark their passion to serve. Nothing personal but telling someone to just hand out bulletins might extinguish the fire to help. Sure it’s an important job I love those who do it where I attend but it’s not my passion. I love greeting people when we have special occasions but I want to be in the sound booth, it’s my passion. I’ve been a leader of a women’s group, a Sunday school teacher, the teacher’s assistant, a greeter for a Group publishing event, dish washer, MOPS hospitality leader, worked in the kitchen, spackled and painted, helped in children worship, LTC drama leader, and many more things. The thing is that we can easily toss a good volunteer away, they most likely will stop volunteering or find a place where they feel needed. I walked away the first time I offered to help out and wasn’t just turned down I was down right ignored, it took me years to go back to trying to help. Now I’m full in because of the passions God gave me.

Volunteering gives ownership to the church

That’s right it gives ownership. The more that people are involved the more they care about the life of the church.

Volunteering brings up tithing for some

They have seen first hand where the money goes and needs to go. The first project my husband did at our church was to rebuild a wall, paid for mainly out of our pockets. He said he wanted to and no one stopped him even though he was rather new to the congregation. Now he’s the ministry leader. He wasn’t told you can’t do that because. . . .

We also have to make sure that everyone is involved who needs to be.

I don’t know if you heard of ruffled feathers in other ministries like we have. In December we have a huge project coming up, the baptistry, and brand spanking new one is waiting to go in. This involves several ministries from those who keep the plants around it to people who want to be baptized while the thing is out. It would be very easy to step on toes, yes we are suppose to be Christians and grown ups and I need not say more?

The un believer who wants to help.

The Habitat House, building a neighbors fence, serving food to the homeless, a community project, we all should be aware that non believers are around us we may not be the seed we might be the fertilizer that makes that seed sprout. We should always be aware of those who might just need us to shine a little light on the beginnings of a new Christian.

I haven’t seen an un believer in the teaching area perhaps some of you have, I haven’t. Please give examples if it’s happened to you.

There is always room for one more to hold a paint brush, fix a toilet, help in the kitchen, the food bank, work sound, and so many other areas. If they walk in that door they believe something, they are wanting for something, you need to find out what their passions are and help them become a Christian.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

What I did this Saturday and what I think

I spent Saturday working at my church I ran A/V for a Group Publishing event. It’s a pretty easy gig and the pay is nice. The only issue is that you spend several hours sitting and pushing a computer button. I know some of you do that all day, I’m not sure that’s for me.

I was a bit disappointed in not seeing anyone from any ministry team in our church, this was about getting and appreciating volunteers. Those are difficult issues at times and we should have had leaders at the event. I asked my husband why he didn’t consider going and he told me he was unaware of it. Hmmm could be no one knew.

Balls get dropped. Lip service happens.
We all have great ideas and we want to put these great events on yet we don’t always have time nor want to do the work, we expect others to take it on. When was the last time you showed up with cleaning supplies to clean a wall? How about just fixing the toilet instead of reporting that it still has a broken handle? I want to tell people when the complain about a mess or broken objects to pitch in and help, I don’t instead I tell my husband.

I have found myself volunteering for jobs then thinking "Was I just insane at that moment?" We’ve made some staffing changes in our church and I’m wondering how much of the load I can take on, that’s crazy for me to do much more. That’s another problem, some of us do more than we should we neglect or families and our own time, the time we should be spending with God. I doubt that many of us haven’t at times been so focused on the task at hand that we have neglected to see God. We dash around doing "God’s work" so much that we aren’t doing God’s work. I love the verse in the song "For a song in it self is not what you require" God doesn’t want us to over stress ourselves. He wants us to give with a glad heart, that’s not just about handing over money. Give time with a happy heart.

Something very cool happened at this event Saturday, I couldn’t keep up with the script. It’s scripted so that the slides go with what they are saying. It has places in the script for the presenter to tell stories and ask questions so it becomes more personal. I was trying my best to keep up but couldn’t. The presenter came back after the first break and said I don’t know it seems as if God has taken over I’ve never deviated from the script like this before. She allowed for the needs of the crowd, it was great. She let God take over, we were patient with each other on the slides and videos so we weren’t stressed.

I had an issue with a question that came up. What do you do when an unbeliever wants to volunteer, how do you tell them they can’t do that?
Did she say that the way we heard it?

Sure now I’ll agree you might not want a non believer teaching children unsupervised, then again what? I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of this ever being an issue. When someone comes into the church you should welcome them and if they volunteer then let them. (Yes you want to make sure it’s safe and you give the guidance. If they walk in those doors then they believe in God. They may not know all the details but they know something bigger is at work and they need us to open our arms and love them.

So you know I hate the titles unbeliever, nonbeliever, and unchurched. If I heard someone call me that not actually knowing who I was I’d walk out of the building.

Friday, November 10, 2006


This is a test post to see if all is working

BOREDOM? Miss Littles


It's a GREEN Day

A. . . .that might work except she was talking instead of working. I need to have her hearing and eyes checked to rule out those problems. Now a days in this school system if you finish your work early they give you more to do, the teachers are all for advancing, they allow each child to move at their own pace. It’s a much better system then when we were kids. Our focus isn’t just on football, we are in the top team rankings. The chemistry and biology programs have been recognized as one of the strongest college Advanced Placement programs in the state.

The Superintendent of the schools puts a very strong emphases on academics. She’s a great speaker and I’ve enjoyed hearing her speak several times. One cool thing that she does while on vacation is to take her children to the local colleges to look around. I love that idea and will do that from now on.

My husband and I never gave that school system a thought when we were looking for a home because we weren’t looking to have children, see how God blessed us a nice neighborhood school in a great school system, we moved staying in this school system and chose this area because of how nice it is. God put us in this house and that school.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I haven’t a clue as to what to do

My daughter can’t shut up. Spirited yes but she needs to learn how to control herself. I love that she bright and full of joy but she has to shut up.

She comes home almost every day with yellow. It’s a scale of goodness and green is best. Her teacher seems to be out of ideas because she asking for help. I’ve tried taking privileges away, I’ve put toys on the refrigerator, I even told her, after going to a craft show where it seemed as if everyone had beads, that we could bead if she can stay on green. Nothing has helped and today was my last straw, yep I did it. I hate having to, I’m not for it or am I the best at it. I end up feeling guilty. My mom wasn’t good at it and I don’t remember my dad ever doing it to me.
So here I am and she is in her room, most likely asleep now.

On the bright side of my day my son is joining DF-Y he’s excited to be a part of the Drug Free Youth and that makes me feel very proud of him. He was also in a hang with mom mood when he got home, that was cool we talked for awhile before I had to leave for my chatter box.

Help me parents were your kids talkers?

How do I stop her from disrupting the class yet hold on to who she is?

(We don't say shut up in our home)

Monday, November 06, 2006

I can see

As I walked to my daughter's school I took the time to enjoy the fall weather. It’s over cast and damp. The trees are so beautiful deep rich colors this year. We never know in Oklahoma if our fall will be this nice so we relish the beauty God sends us. While I was walking I was thankful for my eye sight.

Several years ago I went camping with my son, it was a fun time. I was introduced to a man who made it even more of an enjoyment, he took great care of us women and even call us his women. I camped next to his camp site and knew two of the ladies with him. (I was the only woman in my camp site, that's another story.) We were sitting together in the mess hall, yes they fed us, most likely to save us from eating hot dogs every night. I do know that some of those guys were Dutch oven masters, wonderful cobblers were served up for me to taste one night. Howard and I spoke about his eyes, he was going blind with no cure. He talked about taking in life and how blessed he was because other don’t see what he sees.

As I walked I was thankful that the medication I’m on will most likely go away in December, it has made my eyes dry and my vision blurred. I have trouble reading small print even with my glasses. It takes me a bit longer to read long posts and at times I have to stop and go do other things. This will pass and I will be back to normal if everything is working properly in December.
I feel some pain still but not the kind of pain that makes my life intolerable, the pain will also pass, if everything does what it’s suppose to do, and I do what I’m suppose to do.

(Side note the guy who cooked for us also held a campfire ceremony that was way cool. He spoke a few words about the camping of the past then poured ashes into the new fire. He had saved ashes for every campfire for years and sort of blessed each camping trip with the memory of the years past. That would be so cool for your children to have to pass on. )

This fall brought changes
Death of a love ones grandmother
Loss of a baby growing in a friend
Life growing inside another friend’s body
Children taken from a home because of postpartum depression
A marriage lost forever in my family, and an angry son
A boy turning into a man, soon to be thirteen

Thursday, November 02, 2006

God is with us

Mama is going to have a baby soon. I pray that it is a girl. The fate of our boys is so atrocious. I cannot look into the river and not weep. Mama tells me to hold on to God, she promises that he will deliver us from this place of oppression. She told me that no matter what this baby is that God promises to protect it. She seems so sure.

We’ve hidden him for three months, he’s a joy but every day brings fear of what will happen if we are discovered. I’ve seen others try to hide the little ones, it’s so heart breaking, too difficult to describe. The river is filled with the tears of mothers and fathers. I saw the pain in my mother’s eyes as she prepared a basket, I put my hand on her hand and asked why she was covering it with pitch and tar. I watched as she kissed him then she lovingly place him in the basket. I followed as she went to the Nile and placed it among the reeds along the bank. I watched to see what would happen to him and followed as he drifted away. I believe my heart skipped a beat ever time the basket was jostled. I wanted to dive in to save him. Momma told me that I must stay strong for God is with us.

I watched as the Pharaoh’s daughter instructed a slave to fetch the basket from the water. I slowly went to them as to only be a passer by and not a sister to the little one. This woman with fine clothes, the daughter of such an evil man, felt pity for my brother I saw it in her eyes when she heard him cry and looked in at him. "Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby?" Those words came out of my mouth without a real thought as if God had put them there. "Yes go" she answered . I ran all the way to my mother and out of breath I told her of my brother’s fate. My mother smiled and took my face in her hands "See child God is with us"

Monday, October 30, 2006

Think'n of ya Auntie M

In the past on Halloween I would receive a phone call at Dad’s from Aunt Mary, that is until last year, her voice gone and her ability to hold the phone taken away as her ALS progressed. The silence of the phone a bitter reminder that she was trapped in the failing body. I won’t feel as sad this year because she’s free of the horror, this disease takes your dignity when your body fails you. She can sing now and laugh, she can talk and run, God has liberated her.
I’ll cherish those calls to sing to me forever.

It's candy corn time

No matter if you celebrate it as Halloween or another day
I know I will.

I plan on spending my time relaxing once the kids are in school. I think I deserve it today.
We will be going to my dad’s for a bit of fun later that night.

There is something about this time of year I find myself pondering in front of the candy. Thinking about how many tiny bars equal one real size. I did an assessment today, note I refuse to do the math this is just my thinking, my delusion, it take six. That’s right I said six. Allow me to explain my theory two isn’t it, any one can tell that three is odd. Four is too even, five is wrong so it’s six. You can eat six tiny bars to equal one. Go on it’s fine.

I don’t actually like candy corn myself. It’s just colored sugar shaped like pumpkins and stuff, but I eat at least a small hand full every year. Why? you ask. Because you have to, it’s bad luck not to eat it. It’s like new years day and black-eyed -peas.

I don’t dress for Halloween. Well I dress, not in costume any more. I’m looking for a photograph of me dressed like a witch when working as an entertainer for a local restaurant, I could only find this picture of me from improvisational theater. Many moons ago.

Be safe and eat your candy corn for luck. ;-}

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Fish fry thoughts

At the fish fry Saturday I had several discussions that were interesting to me so I thought I’d share with you. I’ll skip the football ones. Some are OU and some OSU fans. OSU folks were happy with beating Nebraska. I spoke about how Drew needs a team around him. Then walked away from the rest of the football talk.

Politics were discussed and those I was talking with agreed so no big discussion this time.

We talked about birthdays, with several this month and mine approaching. I laughed and said I don’t mind having a birthday it beats a dirt nap. My older cousin agreed he’ll see fifty soon enough. My younger cousin said she’d like to get it over with, she’s in too much pain. I can’t think of wanting to leave yet. I have so much to do. What about my children and what about grandchildren? I’d like to meet some of you folks. I want to see a whale, I want to touch one but the laws are strict. I have a bunch of stuff to keep me on this earth for a while. I think several of us were stunned at what she said.

I spoke to my Baptist cousin about being baptized and about women in the church and Bible. We disagree on baptism and agree on women being able to preach.

I came home to find a birthday card from a high school friend. She always remembers my birthday. It’s a holiday so it’s easy to remember. You’d think I remember her’s, what with it being ON THE SAME DAY! Now I have to rush out and get a card in the mail. Doh!

I thought about fellowship and being together, we seek out companionship. It’s the way we are created, God wants us to have each other to talk to and be with. Even those who trek off to the woods for solitude find something for companionship, an animal of some kind to relate to if there for a long while. A beautiful fall day with children laughing and playing, friends and family lovingly teasing each other. We were missing those who are gone now and those sitting by a bed waiting for the last breath to be taken and the grieving to begin. We pause for a moment when my aunt calls herself "The Favorite Aunt" Now the only one for my cousin, I have two of those ornery ladies to love left, my mom’s siblings are dwindling in numbers. We ask about our uncle and how he’s doing. It’s an aggressive cancer. I was glad to hear that some family members are giving up smoking. It’s hard but so worth it.

Thanksgiving is discussed it’s time for the younger women to step up now, I promised to cook what was needed for a traditional meal. Life yields to the changes our families make but only for a moment then the seasons change and you morn no more, there is no crying in Heaven.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Here is a public service announcement

Please have your heaters inspected before turning them on. We braved the cold until they could be checked and thank God we did. The up stairs heater had a problem that might have killed my children. We are also seeing a rash of house fires several involving the death of children. Please be safe this winter.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Say it nice day

Today is comment something nice about yourself and if you want others.
We have rules

You can’t say I have nice red hair, but it’s . . .
I have a good smile but need a good . . .
It all has to be good.

You think this is a simple thing I had to do this when I was studying improvisational theater. My instructor kept having to stop me from adding the but I . . . .

It’s National Say Something Nice About Yourself & Those You Care About Day.
You can purchase a rubber bracelet for two dollars @ ;-}

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Turning back to HIm

When you’re addicted to something you’re just that. Everything in you pulls you towards the evil that calls to you. Not long ago I suggested one big birthday party for some of my friends. One loved the idea then began telling me where she felt we should go. It sounds like a nice place only it has a bar. That’s not a problem for me because I can walk away from it. The problem is that I’ll need to make an excuse for not drinking. Just the thought of saying it to people sends a panic through me. I know that they love me and they will understand. I think it’s the forever odd moments when they offer wine at their home. I’ve had a glass there, I was sick after so I won’t do that again. I believe that God was letting me know to stay away from it. I don’t think my husband even knows about the addition. It’s something I have never really spoken of except here in blog world. Why hide it? I’m sure you are all asking that question. Because it's my battle I fight it when it creeps it’s ugly head up. I’ve weathered hard times without stopping in a bar and I feel confident that I will never order vodka again.

Danny once said he didn’t know why God takes it away from some and not others. I think He gives some of us the strength to walk away from the bar, others He takes the want for it completely away. I wonder if she ever looked at God when she walked over to the dealer, did she look back hoping for Him to stop her?

I don’t think she did in her desperation to end her pain.

Now her journey will bring more pain then her heart has ever felt.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Doggonit do you get one?

What makes a dog a good dog for your home?

I don’t believe that they need be published as Miss Shadow was in YOUR PUREBRED PUPPY A BUYER’S GUIDE (Shameless bragging is what that is)

It all depends on what you’re looking for in a dog.

Do you want one that will love your other dogs?
Do you want one that will get along with others like Miss Shadow Voted the number one therapy dog before retirement before she came to live with me?(Shameless bragging noted)

Do you want one that will suffer the consequences with you?

How about one that can protect you?

Lap dog anyone?

I think they need to tolerate what the owners do to them.

Dogs are dogs they bark, chew stuff up, jump on you, and can make huge messes.

You have to find the right fit for you.

Don't forget to water them

All of the photographs are Milly’s and may not be reproduced.
All the dogs lived in my home. The puppy playing with Shadow was foster puppy Panzer who went to live in California.
All three of the dogs have passed away.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Sandy Times

I can be a bit outspoken at times so staying quiet when I have something so heavy on my heart is difficult.

I know turn the other cheek and the meek shall inherit the earth. Yet it’s so darn hard to hold my tongue. I believe in truth and honesty with life. I also know that perception is reality. What you believe is true, is the truth that you believe.

A brief explanation is in order because this is becoming a mole hole, winding around the place.
I attended two meetings and said what I felt needed to be said. What I suggested is now into play. People are upset, it’s understandable it hurts. It was also a needed thing. Am I to blame? No I don’t feel bad for my suggestion I wasn’t the one who had to deliberate it all. I have a huge amount of respect for the men who decide what is to happen, what’s allowed, where we should be going. It’s a difficult job and without monetary pay. The hard part is that some of those involved are friends. One of them has a friend who is now lashing out at the men and the church. I’m so perplexed as to why if you are so angry you would keep walking into those doors only to try to drag more people into your tirade.

God answered my prayers Sunday and I was kept out of the uproar. I didn’t want to have to speak my mind Sunday. Things were quiet and I was blessed with a very nice lunch with good friends after.

I think we should all understand that our ministers have families and that our elders have families. These men do the best that they can and that they are in constant prayer for guidance. I saw it in my friend’s eyes, I could hear it in his voice as we spoke that he is taking it to heart, he’s a wonderful man and jokes with me about being his favorite democrat, he’s my favorite republican elder.

God is still leading us and it looks like sand is going to be at our feet a while longer.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

She showed us the reality

Margaret Bourke-WhiteBread Line during the Louisville flood, Kentucky1937


"We are in a privileged and sometimes happy position. We see a great deal of the world. Our obligation is to pass it on to others."

Margaret Bourke-White on war and photojournalism,
Portrait of Myself

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Proverbs 16 NIV

This is where my Bible opened Sunday. When I’m not sure what to read I close my eyes, take a deep breath, ask God to lead, and then open my Bible
Proverbs 16
1 To man belong the plans of the heart,
but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue.
2 All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD.
3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
4 The LORD works out everything for his own ends— even the wicked for a day of disaster.
5 The LORD detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.
6 Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for; through the fear of the LORD a man avoids evil.
7 When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.
8 Better a little with righteousness than much gain with injustice.
9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
10 The lips of a king speak as an oracle, and his mouth should not betray justice.
11 Honest scales and balances are from the LORD; all the weights in the bag are of his making.
12 Kings detest wrongdoing, for a throne is established through righteousness.
13 Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth.
14 A king's wrath is a messenger of death, but a wise man will appease it.
15 When a king's face brightens, it means life; his favor is like a rain cloud in spring.
16 How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver!
17 The highway of the upright avoids evil; he who guards his way guards his life.
18 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
19 Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud.
20 Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.
21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.

22 Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it, but folly brings punishment to fools.
23 A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction.

24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
25 There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.
26 The laborer's appetite works for him; his hunger drives him on.
27 A scoundrel plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.
28 A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.
29 A violent man entices his neighbor and leads him down a path that is not good.
30 He who winks with his eye is plotting perversity; he who purses his lips is bent on evil.
31 Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.
32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
33 The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD.

I’m a lazy woman today

For real it’s after one and I’m in my Sock Monkey PJ bottoms. So you know they now have Sock Monkey sheets that match, that’s good news because it would be like camouflage, where do I start and where do I end?

Where are the children? Gone that’s right they moved out for fall break.

So here I am just laying round not doing much of anything. The reality is that soon I’ll be cleared for work and boy is it gonna kill me when I go back. I like to work in an area that keeps me moving. I predict aching feet and tired legs. My lungs are better but I still get a bit winded at times.

I need to do some things around here I just don’t want to. I have dinner planned I made soup yesterday so it’s leftovers. It’s cooler in Oklahoma these days so soup is what we need.

My dad for some odd reason decided to set up a fish fry for late October I’m hoping the weather isn’t too cold for everyone. We could eat inside except that it’s about sixty people. He has trained the younger men to cook so they could stand outside for us. Here’s the cool thing one of the guys I grew up with will be there. I went to kindergarten with his brother. My mom was their babysitter, that gave us lots of time together. They use to introduce her as the woman who raised them. She treated them almost as she did her own. We were punished harder.

I’m already tiring of politics. With the elections rolling faster towards us it’s as if we can’t escape it. As some of you know I come from a political minded family so the talk is always in the room at gatherings. I’m sure my brother is working hard to see that the Democrats take over. I find that I’m disillusioned these days. I was shocked to hear that young voters aren’t voting. What a disappointment no matter what your party belief is you should study, get an opinion, and vote. I was proud to vote. Heck I campaigned for Carter. I was part of a campus and radio debate, my question to the representative was: "Reagan said as a Democrat he made several mistakes what makes him think he won’t as a Republican, he’s the same man isn’t he? Guess what? The dude didn’t answer the question and completely side stepped the whole thing rambling on about nothing. I wondered if the radio audience heard me say "What, that didn’t answer the question." I know the live audience saw my face. That might be why I wasn’t asked to meet Nancy Reagan when Dad met her. I wonder if he was afraid of the FBI check?

I use to worry more about this earth but God assures us when it done it’s done. I don’t pollute on purpose but I use the products of those who do. I don’t know how to stop that. Even those who claim they don’t are suspect to me. I envision 20/20 showing up with a camera and me being all mad for a long time, my husband hating to take me in the store because I get loud.

I can get loud when provoked. And I can get tough. I was in TGI Fridays one night with the husband and his friends we were waiting for a table when this guy bumped into me from behind not once but twice. The third time I checked him into the bar. (Checked is a hockey term) He sailed quite nicely across the bar then got up and looked at Dave and my husband they pointed to little me. I’m five one and at the time weighed a lot less. I smiled and he walked away. Dude learned a lesson about bumping into people over and over again. Thank goodness I’ve mellowed.

Well this was a ramble of a post on a cool crisp Oklahoma day. Mmmm apple crisp pie sounds . . . I can’t stop rambling. The sewing machine is calling to me so I need to change and do something productive. Have a nice day!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

To Treat or Not to Treat

This time of year always starts a rash of debates and discussions as to whether a family should participate in Halloween. Some think you’re sending your child out into the demon worshiping world dressed like a princess to take part in a devil worshiping night. That’s a bit extreme to me.

My church sees it as an outreach.
You are asked to bring a canned food item for our food bank to join in the Fall Festival, it isn’t enforced no child is turned away. The community is invited, this means children who have never stepped foot in a church are welcomed in with their parents. We have a safe environment for the children to trick or treat, this is important in the area it’s not the safest in town. We have games with prizes, hot dogs, popcorn, and so much more. All of this for a canned good if you brought one.

My opinion on this is they are having fun pretending to be a cat or a cheerleader or a super hero. My children don’t see it as demon night, they see it as a night of fun they are just giggles and love. We as adults make it into a horror movie.

I’ve never been fond of celebrating the holiday by dressing up and traipsing around the neighborhoods for candy. Then again I just wanted a normal birthday with pretty decorations.
My children love the fun and candy so I celebrate them being children for another year.