Monday, December 28, 2009

Good Bye ladies

It’s amazing how God places people into our hearts.
Two wonderful ladies from my life passed this month.
I shall forever be blessed by those women.
One gave me the gift of books and reading.
The other showed me how to be strong and how to cook.

Thank you for being a wonderful part of my life.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Her Heart

I wrote this some time ago and thought it needed a dusting off to remind me of her and how chosen she was and is. A mother. . .A mother who loved for us and the man that held her hand for us. We are blessed to have Him and them to remind us of the life beyond this.

I’m not so sure that I truly understood the pain that she must have felt while watching Him travel from place to place being treated as a criminal and as a star, so to speak, until I gave birth to my son. He was a surprise, a big surprise. I remember looking in the mirror after the second test thinking huh?. . . . Me . . .Us . . . We can’t do this. I remember the sound of the receptionist’s voice when she said "Congratulations" and I said "A . . . sure" she responded with "Oh" I then began to try to redeem myself with "No. . . no . . . I’m happy".

What did she feel?

Was she as afraid as I was?

More so I think.

My pregnancy was great, my friends and family were happy, my husband was a proud father to be. I couldn’t seem to stop smiling.

Did she keep a smile on her face?

I think she must have.

How did he feel when she told him?

Did he look shocked?

Most fathers do the first time.

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about:
His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

I wonder if she talked to Him before he was born?

Did she put her hand on her tummy to feel His kicks?

She must have.

When my son was born I sat in the hospital bed looking down at this small being wondering what to do.

How I loved him so much.

I could hardly take my eyes from him.

She must have been as fascinated.

I remember standing at the window of my son’s room looking out at the moon, so big and silver. It looked as if you could touch it.

I remember as I stood with my sleeping baby, worried as all new mothers worry about the things that could take this little one away, I remember thinking God how hard to send Him here to die.

I couldn’t let my child go to the cross.

I turned and looked at my sleeping boy safe and warm.

I truly know the sacrifice that mother made for us.

She carried a child for us.

She nurtured a child for us.

She watched as they beat, mocked, tortured, and one by one drove nails into Him.
After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him.
Then they led him away to crucify him.

My son had three stitches above his eye I want to take his pain away and I felt like hitting the doctor when he rushed not making sure it was numb.

Only three tiny stitshes went through my heart.

Did it feel as if those nails were going into her heart each one more painful than the other?

How broken she must have felt as she watched her son die a horrible and painful death.

Was she relieved when He took His last breath?

No more pain.

Now it’s done.

How hard it must have been to hold her son knowing He wouldn’t smile at her on this earth again.

Was she comforted by the knowledge that He Was, Is, And Will Always Be?

I know a mother’s heart.

She must have hurt so much for Him.

I know that God gave her comfort through it all.

I am so grateful for Mary.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it" (John 3:16-17).

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Praying for good news

My sister is leaving for Houston today to make another visit to MD Anderson.

Please pray for good news... and if it isn’t that we have the strength to stand strong in HIS arms.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Here YOU take the wheel. . .

A few weeks ago I felt like it was all closing in on me. I mean come on already with letting go of control. I want to move on. I want to live my life. He isn’t allowing it, he’s angry and for some reason can’t seem to move onto the “friend” to yell at and control and abuse. They are getting married so bug her not me. I’m not angry anymore, I’m relieved. I don’t wake in the morning wondering what he will complain about. I don’t wonder what new insult he will fling at me. I wake happy, ready to meet the new day. I’ve always been a happy person.

I’ve had a couple of bouts with depression. The first bout was when I decided to leave college and the man that I loved left to see the world and entertain as he traveled. I lost my friends and that man at the same time. I missed college, him, and learning. I threw myself into a horrible job and tried to save money so that I could go back to college. I pulled myself out of the funk and moved on with my life.

The second bout was while married. I pulled myself out by throwing myself into writing.
I’m happy. Even while living with a man who critiqued our lives in and out of the bedroom I was happy. I could see the blessings.

I now go to a divorce group to just talk and to listen. It’s helpful to hear ideas and get prospective from those who are going through the same things. I sat next to a woman who knew my pain and I know how she feels. I know that she too is going to hit that wall. I know that she is going to feel that she will never have control of her life because he won’t let her. We hugged and I tried to tell her that it will get better. It has for me. I gave him that control. I gave him control. I’m now working on not giving him my mood. I’m working on not letting him run my life. I’m not going to allow him to hurt me anymore.

God has, is, and will be a guide. I recently sat in my car feeling that I wasn’t going to be able to give my children much of a Christmas. That I will never be able to fix the things on the house that need work. As I sat in the garage HE began to talk to me. HE asked me to give HIM the control . . . and I did just that.

. . . and HE has blessed me with several wonderful things. Like the insurance company kicking in some money for my knee surgery because of the wonderful lady at the Doctor’s billing department going after them. HE sent many other wonderful ways this last week to let me know that HE is in control.

. . . can we put HIM in control every day?

. . .I’m learning and try’n.

The only person that can control me is the one that I allow the ONE that I need to put in control is GOD.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I am. . .

I'm still here and I'm reading.

Life is a bit crazy.

. . . . .so how are ya?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I long for . . .

When I think about my path I think about my dad and how he would find me in my special place in the woods. It had wild violets, a spring, and lots of buds and blooms in the spring. In the fall the earth smell rich and alive and the colors were amazing. I loved that spot and my dad knew it. If he found me sitting there he would walk quietly away so that I could have my special time in that special place.

I long for a place like that now.
One summer my son and I went sailing. I love the peace that the water brings.
I long for a place like that now.
I watched a sunset from the deck of a ship with my children
I long for a place like that now.
I’ve rested on a boat dock in the fall and listened to teens
I long for a place like that now
I’ve been held by friends who love me
I long for a place like that now.
He has walked in the woods with me,
He has sailed with me,
He stood next to me,
He has rested with me,
He has held me.
I long for a place like that for us now

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Think'n differently

Now if you know me you know that I can’t leave it alone. I’ll think about it, pick at it, talk about it and eventually blog about it.

I’ve been perusing Jared’s book lately. I’m not too far into it but I do see an opinion that I disagree with. It’s nothing personal he’s a good writer and preacher and I am far from qualified to disagree out loud but you know how I am.

Genesis 22 (New International Version)

Abraham Tested

1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.

2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about.

4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance.

5 He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together,

7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?" "Yes, my son?" Abraham replied. "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.

10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.

12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son.

14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."

15 The angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time

16 and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son,

17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies,

18 and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."

19 Then Abraham returned to his servants, and they set off together for Beersheba. And Abraham stayed in Beersheba

Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"

God doesn’t test us because He wants to know how we are going to react. Think about it do you really think that God is sitting up there wondering how we will react. Can you picture it? God leaning over to Jesus saying “Dude wanta make a bet that that he runs away?” I don’t think so. I think that HE knows us and He knows the beginning and the end. He tests us so we will know how we will react. So that we can handle life and death. He tests us so that we know how to obey

2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

WOW!!!!!!WHOM YOU LOVE!!!!!!!
Jared and I agree on this one I won’t kill my kid. Guess who knows that? God knows!

3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey.

Think on this EARLY. Why tell us what time of the day? I think if I had to do something that hard I’d not sleep the night before and I’d need to get up early so that my courage wouldn’t sink. I don't know about you but I tend to put things off the longer I think about it.

He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance.

ON THE THIRD DAY! What a long and difficult journey. Take a moment and think about it. Twice my son had to go into the operating room and with every tick of the clock my heart hurt. I didn’t exhale until his wonderful face was in front of me.

He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

I’m sure he didn’t want to say something like “Hey guys I’m going to kill my son up there so hang tight.” The men might have jumped in and tried to stop that crazy man.

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, 7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?" "Yes, my son?" Abraham replied. "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

I don’t know if God had prepared Isaac but I do think that he wasn’t afraid at that moment.

8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

See they went together. Abraham didn't grab him up and drag the boy.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.

Okay now think about this one. Have you ever tried to get your kid in a wrestling hold? Not too easy is it? Isaac didn’t put up a fight because Isaac would have won the fight. Isaac knew that it was from God.

Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

The knife is in his hand and he is ready to kill his son.

. 11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.

Have you ever been told or thought that someone you love is going to die then you hear that they are cancer free or the heart attack wasn’t fatal. Now think of it at your hand. What a release of air Abraham must have let out.Think on this Isaac thought that the father he loved was going to kill him. He didn't struggle or cry out to God he too had faith in God. He knew that God would take him home to be with Him.

12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."

Abraham sacrificed his son that day.

He took him to the altar.

He bound him.

He readied the fire.

He raised the knife.

In his heart he killed his son to obey God.

Amazing . . .

and. . .

. . . .. . . frightening.

And have not withheld your son, your only son.

Just as God didn’t withhold His Son His only Son that day on the cross.

What a powerful and amazing story of obedience and love.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The translation of the prayer in post #500

Matthew 6:9-25 (King James Version)
Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil:
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever.

Sunday, September 13, 2009


I wanted to try to do something really cool for number 500 actually it’s not the real number 500 because I’ve removed a few for different reasons but it says number 500 so we’ll call it that.

At this point in my life I’m fighting giants and praising God for the wins.

Do you ever think of yourselves as little David standing alone with nothing but a strap and a stone?

Have you ever found yourself looking at that giant?

We aren’t alone because we have God. But when I’m standing in front of that giant I find myself feeling weak sometimes. God knows when my hands shake and the panic comes. He knows when He needs to hand me a stone and a strap. I believe that if God had given David nothing that he could have defeated Goliath with only a puff of air. So I’ll let out a puff of air and say this prayer.

Ama naming nasa langit,
Sambahin nawa ang Pangalan Mo.

Ikaw nawa ang maghari sa amin,
Sundin nawa ang iyong kalooban
dito sa lupa tulad ng sa langit.

Bigyan mo kami ng pagkaing kailangan
nawa sa araw na ito;
At patawarin mo kami sa aming kasalanan,
Tulad ng aming pagpapatawad samga nagkasala sa amin

At huwag mo kaming iharap sa
mahigpit na pagsubok,
Kundi ilayo mo kami sa masama!
Sapagka't iyo ang kaharian at ang kapangyarihan
at ang kapurihan,


Not so cool in the way of pyro tech but a really cool prayer that Jesus gave us.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

No matter how He sends us. . .kicking and screaming . . .

I was IM’n a buddy the other night and responded that I was really doing okay in spite of all the stuff in my life. My house is a mess, my lawn needs to be mowed, I have bills to pay, my sister has a rare cancer and isn’t doing well, my son is having surgery to remove the pins this week, I’m getting rid of the kitten and the kids aren’t happy, this is the time of year that my hours get cut and I’ve had to take time off for the boy and my sis. But really I’m okay.

He sent me these words

Philippians 4:11-13 (Today's New International Version)
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength

He has given me the strength to take whatever this life gives. He also has gone and gotten me this past week. Honestly it was as if He grabbed my hand and dragged me to church. I’m a bit of a recluse at times at church. I know it sounds surprising but it’s true. I get the kids where they need to be then head to the booth.

So. . .

I hadn’t planned to show up for the big event at my church. I had done very little to help due to my sister being ill and didn't really care that it was happening. Big deal is what I was thinking. I am not going and who cares if I show up. God cares and He said so in a phone call and with my friends/hey we’re family. (No God didn't call He had someone do it) I was asked if my daughter would light candles for the Saturday night event. I agreed. NOW I HAVE TO GO!

When I walked with my friends/hey we’re family to look at the decorations they told me about the dinner (I even failed to look at what was going on) I told them that I hadn’t sent an RSVP. They informed me that one of our family members had and wouldn’t be there so I was covered.

God fed the multitudes and me.

I worked that morning at my paying job and checked on my son after work then dashed to church. I was needed in the booth and had a blast.

We CofC folks can rock at times.

I wish that I could bottle that spirit up and take it to my sister. I ached for her presence when Sharron sang, she loved listening to her.

I loved the hugs and love.

I visited with several people that I hadn’t seen in a while.

It’s so amazing how God sees what we don’t.

He sees in our darkness.

He sees through us.

He sees within us.

He sees with us.

He knows us . . .

. . . and knows when to drag us into His fellowship to show us love.

The event wasn’t about me it was about celebrating what He gave us and will continue to give to us.

No matter how God sends for us. . .

kicking and screaming. . .

laughing. . .

crying. . .

or singing. . .

we should know that we are sent.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Meet Khloey

Yes she needed a bath

Monday, August 24, 2009

Pull it-Drag it-Hide from it. It just won't go away

Last night as I listened to a friend and gave advice I thought about how we hold on to our childhood mindsets without really realizing it.

That is until. . . .

Warning if you are anti same sex relationships then stop reading. I will hold my feeling about the issue and ask that you also do the same the post is about relationship and mind set not same sex ideas.

My friend is a nice young woman who is stable, generous, and dependable. She gave a friend a kidney knowing it would compromise her life, jobs, and hurt her financially. She holds down three jobs to support herself.

Last night we sat at the break table and talked about her new relationship and what was working and what wasn’t. As I listened to her talk I heard her say it wasn’t expectable to be gay growing up. There it is one of the reasons she has trouble relaxing into a relationship. She shook her head no but I pointed out what she had said. She grew up in a very religious family with parents who didn’t show affection at all to each other. Her mother was treated like a possession. No wonder she is having trouble in a relationship.

We were interrupted because she was on the clock and our boss called looking for her. It’s all good he loves us.

Get past how you feel about same sex relationships and think about how we drag our past into our now. Yes some of them get dragged. We know we have them in tow and we still take them with us knowing it’s going to wreck things. It’s like we can’t help ourselves. We clean out the closet and still place them in the keep pile.

Have you ever found yourself pulling it into your relationship? I'd bet you have. You may not even know it. My parents had a great relationship. They openly kissed and told each other I love you. I wanted that with my ex. We were open about kissing at times but not I love you. I had to say it first and then was crushed when he failed to say it back. It killed me to be the first every night to say I love you. I tried a few times to hold out and to see if he would say it first. He wouldn't and my heart was broken each night. He's say it after sex making it even worse. Guys we ladies want to hear it out of the bedroom not just in the bedroom.

Sometimes they hide inside our brains tucked up under that little end table that grandma had with a hand carved pineapple base. You are just hanging out with someone you love and WHAM your mom’s voice is coming out of your mouth. You find yourself saying “That’s how my dad did it.” BTW your loved one will and is allowed to make that snappy come back “If you know it’s the way he did it and its wrong then change it.” If only you could! I know my ex has said that to me and I have made the come back and nothing got changed.

I told my friend that she is right in getting therapy. I never finished my degree so I am not the expert on this one. I still try years of classes and blogging seems to make me feel like I should be able to speak up.

So how do I let go of all those relationship eating things? I have no idea today but I’ll know if I ever meet a man that makes me think about relationships that I'll need to shed myself of them. I have a feeling that they will still show up. I'll still have moments of distrust from being in a bad marriage. God bless the man that can take it in and help me through it day by day.

Friday, August 21, 2009

I'm sick of the pink hospital

We're in the ER due to a new issue with Memz.

CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Fun questions

Here's some fun ones to answer if you want or not.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 4:20 am

2. How do you like your steak? Well done

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Jo Bros 3D

4. What is your favorite TV show? The Big Bang Theory

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Alaska but I love it here also because I have friends and family around

6. What did you have for breakfast? I was a bad girl but try’n to kill a head banger. Naked juice and donuts

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Mexican

8. What foods do you dislike? Baked fish

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Taco Bueno, Pei Wei, Lone Star, Logans etc

10. Favorite salad dressing? Depends on my mood and what kind of salad

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Equinox

12. Your favorite thing to wear? Jeans, sneakers, a shirt.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Hmmm so many places to go

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Definitely 1/2 full!! But wondering who drank half?

15. Where would you want to retire? I get to retire!!!!!!!!!

16. Favorite time of day? Sunrise

17. Where were you born? Tulsa Oklahoma

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? I’m a mood watcher depends on how I feel and what’s on

19. Who do you think will not tag you back? Those who don't want to

20. Person you expect to tag you back first? See number 19

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? everyone!!

22. Bird watcher? Is one flying over me now?!!!!!?

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning

24. Do you have any pets? Yes a kitten will be here soon. If it’s a girl Khloey if it’s a boy Hobbs.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I’d like no more excitement for a while

26. What did you want to be when you were little? Zoologist

27. What is your best childhood memory? Zoo classes

28. Are you a cat or dog person? Both

30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes

31. Been in a car accident? Yes

32. Any pet peeves? Yes several

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Not a pizza snob. I’ll eat almost any kind except Greek because of allergies. Lamb puts me to bed.

34. Favorite Flower? I love them all

35. Favorite ice cream? I love them all

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Taco Bueno

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? zero

38. From whom did you get your last email? An old friend Roger

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? What Dea said credit cards are evil, Use debit cards... I don’t have a credit card.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Heh! You asking me!

41. Like your job? LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!

42. Broccoli? Yes! Let do some

43. What was your favorite vacation? Alaska and Disney World

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Kids

45. What are you listening to right now? TV and my children too bad the kids don’t have a mute button.

46. What is your favorite color? Purple

47. How many tattoos do you have? Zero I see bad ones every day at work

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? None if you want to do it49. What time did you finish this quiz? 8:22pm time for bed

50. Coffee Drinker? Starbucks espresso truffle is dreamy

Friday, August 14, 2009

God hears!

My sister still has cancer but the large tumor isn’t it. It’s also out of her body. We’ve had such a journey so far and many miles to go to rid her body of cancer. I’m preparing the house for her, our family, and friends.

We’ll take it step by step day by day and rejoice in it.

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Big Bang funny

I thought we needed a little Sheldon

I can't wear different pajamas. These are my Monday pajamas.

That's all I'm saying

I bought these Star Wars sheets but they turned out to be much too stimulating to be compatible with a good night's sleep. I don't like the way Darth Vader stares at me.

My boy doesn't have that trouble with his pillow case.

Radiation burns -- a little mishap while I was building my own CAT scanner.... In fact, I was briefly able to see the inside of my sister's guinea pig, Snowball, before he caught fire. It led to an interesting expression in our house: "not a snowball's chance in a CAT scanner

Just too funny

That's preposterous! I do not resemble C-3PO. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered, I just don't see it.

You know you would be too

Now laugh today

From Big Bang Theory

Thursday, August 06, 2009

God hear our prayers

The elevator seems like an old friend. I lean back as I ride it up and down.
I know the people taking care of her by name.
I know the cafeteria food all too well and vending has robbed me way too many times.
Between the fear we laugh
Between tears we talk
So many unknowns
Friends call and visit
Flowers, cards, and food
I’m thankful that God sent a soft shoulder to cry on

Thursday, July 30, 2009

My sis and me

Here I am sitting in the hospital watching my big sis sleep.
It seems like a dream one really bad dream.

I thought I’d tell you a bit about her.

Memz is a single woman who worked hard to get where she is, but that’s only a small part of who she is.

Let’s start with something from childhood.

Thanks Jason for the reminder of those little moments.

We grew up sharing a room.
At night we’d play that game. If you shared a room you know the one. Ours went like this.

You turn off the light.
No you turn off the light
You were the last one in bed you turn it off
You’re closer, you turn it off
I’m asleep. (Fake snoring noises)
I’m asleep first (Fake snoring noises louder)
You are faking it
You are faking it
Am not
Are so
You are
Dad’s voice GIRLS!!!!!
Shhhh turn off the light
You turn off the light
You turn off the light.
No you turn off the light
You were the last one in bed you turn it off
You’re closer, you turn it off
I’m asleep. (Fake snoring noises)
I’m asleep first (Fake snoring noises louder)
You are faking it
You are faking it
Am not
Are so
You are
THUMP THUMP THUMP Dad’s footsteps
(Whispers) Now you’ve done it
(Whispers) Not me you
Door is opened man with disapproving look turns off the light.
Girls giggle because they know that daddy loves them and smiled as he walked away.

I’m praying that the light stays on for years to come.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Please pray

Please pray for my sister.

She’s facing a giant . . . .CANCER.

. . . .and yes we are vary afraid.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Fear not! I'm afraid and proud of it!

Fear is a wondrous thing to me. If we actually own up to it we fear a lot of things. Some of those are rational fears some are irrational. The cool thing is that God knows us. He knew that we would have all kinds of fear.

The word fear is in the NIV Bible over three hundred times.

Everyone has thorns with their roses. Yes I think that strife and fear are on the same subject line. Not having enough money to pay the bills brings fear. Will the water get shut off? What about food for my children? If you’ve never had to worry about the basics in life then you’re blessed but not as blessed as those who have been hungry only to be fed. God has always seen that I be taken care of from a roof over my head to a meal when hungry. I learned more about how wonderful humans are when I lived on my own. I’m sure that the blessing will continue now that I’m single again.

Divorce brings fear.

I was afraid to stay with this man who told me how horrible it was to be with me. He let me know that I never met his expectations and he told me every day that we were together. He didn’t say it outright every day but he let me know by slamming a door or an object. I felt that he hated the very sight of this house it was his prison and that those of us inside held the keys to his freedom.

When he told me that he wouldn’t leave her for me I knew it was done. I still tried, after all twenty years of marriage doesn’t go gently into that good night. It yells, cries, and pounds its fists. It says things that hurt beyond repair.

I remember the moment that I knew I was done he chose to kiss the dog goodbye instead of me. The dog was once again put in front of me. At least it wasn’t her text messaging or a call. Many times we would be talking and that woman would have to hunt him down. Good grief it was as if she knew we were together. Her marriage was sinking so why not help mine go down with it. On my way to work I made the call to my sister-in-law and my brother to help me find a good attorney. My sis-in-law is an attorney and my brother is a lobbyist. My sis’n law listened to me tell my story. She understood and was just what I needed at that moment and many after.

Many times I would show up at church looking, as my friends have told me, beat down and as if the world was on my shoulders. I sat in the booth and cried. “G” just worked around me as if nothing were wrong once in awhile asking me to push a button or turn something on. Others hugged me giving words of encouragement. I didn’t tell anyone for a while, actually the news paper told a few. I was afraid to tell them and I was afraid to tell my children. I said something to the worship minister in front of my minister, I think it was about working out at an apartment workout room. My minister led me out of the room and confronted me about the divorce. He told me that he and his wife were sorry and if I need anything to please let them know. His wife found me where I usually hang out at on Wednesday nights. She related the same as the minister I told her that I was doing alright she cried and told me she wasn’t. My fears of telling people at church were gone. They loved me and would give me what I needed. support.

I was afraid about taking care of the house. I’m handy but not at everything. I was told this week that whatever help I needed was a phone call away.

Telling my children was hard Miss Littles was devastated and held me as she cried. God has sent us friends who understand and live right next door. They know too well. Miss Littles and her friend have spent the summer together. They are swimmer as we speak. I have a friend who gets all those fears and tries to solve them or at least listen. It’s good to have Christian friends next to us. I’ve been told by the Miss Little Friend several times that they are glad that we are Christians. So am I God has held me through all of this.

One friend has let me cry on his shoulder, so to speak, and has met a lady who makes his heart thump. I miss him but what a joy to know that we can be so devastated, so afraid, and then be given love and hope.

I think I may be ready to date again but that brings a whole new set of fears. After all I was told how I didn’t measure up every day for almost twenty years.

I learn from fear. At times I was afraid of being hit by him. I was afraid of how the judge was going to rule, I was afraid of my children falling apart, I was afraid of what people might think. I was afraid of lots of things and it seemed all the things around me. Then the morning came and the sun came in a beautiful new painting from God and it was a new day to wade through those fears.

I’ll write about feeling stupid some day, after all it wasn’t his first. It was, however, the last one I have to deal with in my marriage.

So if you are afraid know that you aren't alone. God has your back and I'm praying for you.

If you need to vent fear/fears you are welcome to do it here. You don’t have to say who you are. We (those who visit will spend time here.) will pray for you.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

From the Realm

Fun from Pearce and Story

I feel that I was able to delve into who I was in doing this. Yes now with their help I can save a ton of cash on therapy.

Thank you dudes!

1) Movie theater Junior Mints vs. Movie theater Goobers
Junior Mints-Chocolate and mint duh this is an easy one.
Kevin rent from Red Box for a dollar and purchase candy at Walgreens for a dollar only two bucks for a nice movie night.

2) Trip to the Beach vs. Trip to the Mountains
I love the beach and my kids could spend the day on the sand. I’m allergic to the sun so I have to give in to itching and tossing my lunch. The mountains are my pick. I wanted to hike while in Alaska. God created both but a backpack is more me.

3) Elliptical Machine vs. Treadmill
Treadmill I love to run and miss it. I’m still working on the knee.

4) Spring vs. Autumn
Both are great but autumn has the wonderful smell of leaves and rest for the earth.

5) Milk Chocolate vs. Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate do I need to explain why?

6) Interstate vs. Scenic highway
Take the time to enjoy the road less traveled. It’s worth the journey

7) Savage tan vs. SPF50
SPF50 plus I don’t look like I’m almost 48 and I intend to keep it the way by staying out of the sun.

8) Being sad vs. Being scared
I’ve been scared a bit. ;-} In my life and it isn’t fun. Sadness is something I over come rather well.

9) 2 ten dollar bills vs. 1 twenty dollar bill
I want all of the money. But a larger bill makes you think more.

10) Birkenstocks vs. Crocks
I have crocks in 100 plus degrees they are hot so I want to try something new

11) Bad odor vs. Bad taste
I smell stinky people at work. I have fans blowing on me and at least once a day some stinky man stands in front of it. Plus some don’t worry about breath. However, I would have to taste something bad.

12) Ripped pants vs. Wet shirt
Wet shirt is easy to dry and I might win. ;-}

13) Belching vs. Flatulence
Come on a burp is easy to forgive and less embarrassing

14) Chicken salad sandwich vs. Tuna salad sandwich
Chicken salad when done right is so yummy. Walnuts, cranberries, etc. I know what I want for lunch

15) Classic styles vs. Trendy styles
Classic I’m too old to be trendy. Plus I never really was trendy. I’ve just gotta be me.

16) Old friend vs. New friend
Funny about this one both have been a blessing to me lately but the old one is a treasure to hold on to.

17) Dolphin vs. Porpoise
Dolphin I don’t know why. Could be becausse I've been closer to dolphins.

18) Water slide vs. Roller coaster
Roller coaster. I like the rush the ups and downs and the metaphor of life that comes to mind. Plus I don’t end up in a pool that other kids have warmed.

19) Jules Verne vs. Robert Louis Stevenson
Jules Verne is a must read. But I do like Stevenson.

20) Goatee vs. Soul Patch
Soul patch. So hot!

21) Being the recipient of a thoughtful gesture vs. Being the recipient of a compliment
Both are nice but when I’m given a gift I feel that I need to do something back and feel guilty when I can’t.

22) Nap on the couch vs. Nap in a hammock
Couch because a hammock means I’m sleeping outside during the day and I get sick and stuff.

23) Holidays vs. Vacation
Vacation because I get to explore a new world.

24) Aisle vs. Window
Window means I can see the world

25) Slapstick vs. Wit
Wit means you have intelligence

26) Logic vs. Emotion
You need balance on this one but I picked emotion.

27) Whipped cream vs. Cool Whip
Whipped cream taste is everything

28) High School Reunions vs. Family Reunions
I see my family a lot so high school, I was class clown, with the paper staff, yearbook photographer and assistant editor, a cheerleader (For a boy named Bill), and got along with all the groups in my class. I’d love to see them again.

29) ALF vs. ET
ALF the wit was great ET was odd.

30) Canadians vs. Australians
(Not taking sides)

31) Gifts vs. Gift Certificates
I’ve been burned so let me do the shopping and I’ll make it something special or needed.

32) Jet skiing vs. Water skiing
Because it’s a summer sport I’ll be in the cabin cooking for you folks

33) Yardwork vs. Housework
I’d love to do the yardwork but the summer is out. So it’s housework hmmm clearly I haven’t do either.

34) Ostentatious vs. Precocious
Precocious. Come on you have to know why

35) Phone call vs. Email
I love to talk. Kevin knows that. ;-} Those who encounter me at 6am know it. The guy on the help line for the cable company knows. I made him laugh. A good thing for a call center dude.
Call me.

36) Winning the lottery vs. Finding buried treasure
God let me know that I will not ever win the lottery or win at the casino. Buried treasure is an adventure. I’ll take the adventure anytime.

37) Sweating vs. Shivering
Shivering I’m a winter gal. I don't have a winter coat because I like being cold.

38) “Oh no, you di-unt.” vs. “Don’t even go there.”
“Oh no, you di-unt.” Its’ fun to say

39) Blue ink vs. Black ink
Blue is bold

40) Ukelele vs. Bag pipes
Bag pipes

41) Rainbows vs. Sunbeams
Sunbeams. I love to see them. However, sliding down the rainbow from the mist is a good thing.

42) The sound of your own voice vs. The way you look in photos
All the world is a stage and I want better lighting. The sound of me.

43) Extremely firm handshake vs. Extremely weak handshake
Firm a weak one is icky feeling

44) Runny nose vs. Nagging cough
I can blow my nose

45) Packing vs. Unpacking
Where am I going? Clearly from the way things look here packing.

46) A hole in the toe of your sock vs. A hole in the seat of your underwear
I can’t walk around with my toe poking out. I can cover my bottom with my pants and you can't see.

47) Zoos vs. Botanical gardens
Zoo. I love the Tulsa zoo it has a special place in my heart I took classes and so did my kids.

48) Trip to the dentist vs. Tax day
Dentist I’ve had a bit of work done and will need a bit more.

49) Awkward comment vs. Awkward silence
Awkward silence. Because I just made the comment and just letting it go is easier.

50) Too much Rich vs. Too little Rich
We love the Rich!

Wait a minute. Were #49 and #50 redundant?

No I said something that made everyone shut up.

Diabolical Genius said...
"Oh no, you di-unt." The first, but I'm sure not the last, preference for less Rich. This is obviously your lucky week then. ;-)Wasn't a real question. Just a thinly-veiled jab at the R-man. (Much like above.)Interesting that you prefer bad odor to bad taste, but belching over flatulence. You are an enigma shrouded in mystery and wrapped in a riddle, Milly. But the Diabolical Genius sees all.Not taking sides on Canadians vs. Australians? Hmm. So you clearly side with the Swiss then.More detailed analysis to come.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Oklahoma is hot!

It's very hot here but at sea it's like that.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Cool Cool Alaska

We are back in Oklahoma
I'll have a bunch more photos and things to say after I rest.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Mind Candy

I’ve been reading several books written by the same author, no, I won’t give the names of the books because they are “Mind candy”. You know the ones I’m talking about. You need not give a huge amount of care to the story. I do find myself enjoying these quick reads. One thing that has occurred to me as I read these fictional history books is that we don’t enjoy touch the way that we use to. A simple act of touching ones hand when a man would hand a lady an object sent a thought of passion though them. Think of the last time you washed dishes with your loved one. Try to leave the dishwasher out of it and do them the old fashioned way. A glance, a touch, and a shared conversation.

Don’t worry I’m reading others also. One is so deep that I need time to relax and process. My son enjoys the subject so I have him to discuss the issues with. I’ve cried over what happened and felt like putting my fist into a wall at times. So “Mind Candy” helps me to not climb in and hang out for too long.

Books have always been a huge thing in my family. They are handed down from generation to generation. I read less them my siblings and I read every day. We love those pages and devour those words. I usually have two to three books in the works. Having just finished one a few moments ago I’m about to start another. Hmmmm more “Mind Candy”? What to do!

I love to talk about the books that I and other have read and I love haring those I enjoy. I suppose that comes with the love of those wonders.

We discuss them at work.

The other night we were talking about books when one of my coworkers said that she loved Twilight. I couldn’t hold back on how I feel about those things. I don’t like the glorifying of evil. She pointed out that vampires aren’t real. I told her About Vlad the Impaler, he wasn’t the blood sucking vampire that legend has made him out to be. I hate that satan has cleverly woven himself into books that our teens love. I don’t have any Harry Potter books in my home because my son doesn’t want to read them. He won’t want those Twilight ones either.

One of my regular guys to visit me no matter where they put me at work asked me

“Do you read?”

“Yep I’m one of them educated women.”

“Then I’ll bring ya a book.”

He went to his truck for the book.
When he handed it to me he told me that he was in it.
I can’t wait to read it. He’s a car guy, one that would make Salgoud feel at home. I wonder if that’s what they wrote about him.

I feel blessed to have been raised by people who love books.
I love that I have friends who enjoy them.
I’m thankful that God has given me the time to read.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Need Help

Can anyone suggest a free good security for my dad's computer?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Face it

Last weekend my dad threw another fish fry. I’m not sure how many people were there but I guesstamated at around 50. Many were faces that I hadn’t seen in years several I didn’t know.

Faces are awesome and a blessing from God.

When my cousin, a professional wildlife photographer, said he wanted his wife and I to pose together she asked if he would remove the wrinkles.

I looked over at Miss M. and smiled.

Look at that face and those hands.

Hands that feed children who wanted to grow up too fast or needed love.

Hands that taught them how to cook a meal for children to come.

I wonder how many young people went home and proudly showed a parent that they could cook and clean.

Look at her face, I know I did when I ran away from home that one and only time. . .all that way up the hill for love, a coke, and candy then to be sent home.

How many children did that sweet smile comfort when they felt lost?

I look at that face and hold those hands and feel blessed.

No, I won’t be doing much to stop the lines from my face that God had blessed me with.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Don't worry be happy

Cool quote from a third grader:

This one is sure makes one that I overheard a third grader say. Pregnant women can’t drive.
I had no idea did you?

I may have missed a bit of it because they didn’t use a sound system.

It’s not what we did in the past, it’s not what we will do in the future, it’s what comes from within.

A nice bit of awesomeness today!

***Keep reading**********************I have more to say***

Luke 12:22-34 (Today's New International Version)

Do Not Worry 22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

27 "Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

32 "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

I needed to hear this one today.

It’s cool how God rolls like that. I opened an email and there it is Don’t worry be happy.

The rain is tapping on the window I have music playing softly. I have to be at Miss Littles’ school soon but for now God is whispering to me Do not be afraid.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Life is good today and the sun came out to play.

I have laundry to tackle, and a house to clean, and the car is a disaster

But life is good

Yesterday the news wasn’t so bad from my son’s surgeon and we are cautiously optimistic

I took the ladies to Michaels last night to make mother’s day projects

One of Miss Littles friends is over for tea fun

One former friend wants to play with them but she was ugly to Miss Littles so the ladies told her they wouldn’t play with her anymore. Setting the differences aside my daughter invited her to play so giggles makeovers on the porch. What a great thing to do. Miss Littles has shown a lot of love for people by taking each day as a new.

On a very down side one of my guys, a regular customer, needs prayers. His wife has three kids of cancer and isn’t taking chemo well. He’s not feeling well and is showing signs of stress. One of the things he has can be caused by stress, it happened to me

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Quote for life

Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.

Louis L'Amour

It takes a lot from those who are involved. I'm working on myself and my children. When we hit a wall or find a problem I ask "How could (I) you have handled that situation better.

We are learning to change or mindsets. We still mishandle situations but we are trying.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Back and read this

The boy is back in school!

He's not happy to be but I am glad to see him on a cane and back in school.

For some tear jerk'n reading

Ok so I cry.
If Danny still read us he'd cry I think I'll send it to him

Monday, April 13, 2009


I'm divorced now

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

It is unacceptable!

Nearly one in five women over the age of eighteen who are married or in a similar relationship reported being emotionally or physically abused by a male partner.

I wanted to grab a galvanized pipe today when I saw a friend’s arms. She was telling me how her husband went off on her while putting lotion on her arms. I could see his hand prints on her arms.

I could feel the rage in me grow.

Why do these men think that a bad sex night or a disagreement is a reason to hurt verbally and physically?

She’s afraid.

She’s confused.

I told her that I was the same way when I came to the conclusion that my marriage was over.
I told her that I couldn’t tell anyone for a while but that I would sit in the sound booth and cry while “G” did almost all the work. He tells me he didn’t notice.
I cried on my way to work a lot.

No one could see it.

I remember the moment that I knew I had to get out and the day I made a call for an attorney.

I think she needs to find the bottom before she gets out.

I pray the he doesn’t kill her.

I pray that she can take his words and toss them away.

It‘s hard but it can be done.

Get out and get help if you are in an abusive relationship!

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Heroes in my life

Man my son is a strong guy!

Today in PT one of the nice ladies asked how the surgeon’s visit went. I know my look to her told a lot my son explained it in such a grown up way. I want to cry scream and yell but here is this young man holding it together.

I’ve told him that he could yell and cry if he needed to when we left the doctor’s office. Yesterday after the news we met up with my dad and sister for lunch. They had questions but neither of us wanted to talk about it. The fact that he was telling her today was a good sign to me because I knew he understands what could be happening to his body. It was devastating to hear that the little white strip on the films is a sign of restricted blood flow. I don’t doubt the doctor because I hear that he is the best around. I felt speechless as I looked in the doctor’s blue eyes thinking say something better. He didn’t say that the ball is going to die for sure. Miracles I want them.

If you have the time pop over to my sis-n-law's blog to see another wonderful person God has in my life

Sunday, March 29, 2009

It’s going to be a crazy week

. . . so I thought I might need to say something before it takes off.

My dad will be in the hospital
My son will get news from his surgeon

Peace and prayers are needed.
Life is about change and adapting. God has given us the tools needed and so I will use them no matter the path.

Some days I want to chase butterflies.
I want to dance in the rain
I want to sleep and dream
I want to lay in the green grass and day dream the day away
But alas my alarm sounds and I get to living in the real world.

I hope you have a nice week full of good wishes

Monday, March 23, 2009

Book of Face

I have a facebook and I have very little idea of what to do with it.

If you know I have one and have read it then you can see that I connected with an old friend.
I haven’t seen him in over twenty years. Too cool to see him in photo again.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Bits of Tulsa History

The Waterworks Art Studio

Miss Littles took an art class across from this home. I’ve grown up wondering about this place and I’m happy to see that I can take a tour of the cave house. It was said to be built as a restaurant/ speak-easy. But there is no proof because the secret door can’t be found. The place has been there since the 1920’s. I hear it’s haunted. I also hear that Pretty Boy Floyd like the place.

I don't work very far from the art studio so I took some time to explore. I'll be looking taking more photos of the places that caught my eye in the future.

This is the oldest house in Tulsa still in existence. It sure tells us how much we don't need to live.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

eight days and standing

I thought that I needed to let those who care know that I’m still out and about in this crazy world but I really don’t have much to say or time to say it.

My son is bugging me because he wants this computer and I have yet to cook dinner. Pasta so no big deal but I need to get it going.

I just finished day eight at work so I’m fried and my knee is a bit sore. I kind of lost it over one of the department heads attitude I’ve gone to the first level then the second then the third and this week’s incident sent me over the edge so I went to the next level. I must have looked rather miffed when the ASM walked by because when I said I wanted to talk to him when he had time he stopped and came right to me. He listed and assured me he’d talk to him. Today I made that same department head deal with an issue by standing my ground. The person he asked about it stood her ground so he had to do it. I doubt he did the right thing but I still stood my ground. One small win for me. :-}

Life is about knowing when to stand your ground and knowing when to walk away isn’t it?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Good Ride Cowboy

Psalm 23

(New International Version)

A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Ed without knowing it you were a part of my teen life.

A high school friend is hurting so much today. Her dad died. I didn’t know him well at all but he was a part of our lives because she made him so.

I met my friend because I was wearing children’s Mickey Mouse sun glasses at night. They were so cool! When I turned my head Mickey ran to the other side. Well not really it just looked that way. So one night I walked up to some kids from high school and she was there. Who could resist getting to know the odd chic in Mickey sun glasses? We hit it off right away and have tried to stay in touch for all the many years that have passed.

I couldn’t make it to the services because of several reasons one being the drive would kill my knee. I wanted to be there but I also know that you just don’t care when it’s your loved one. I ached for her this morning because I remember hating that morning knowing what was at hand when mom died.

Back to Ed.

He was Ed to us, that’s what she called him. We heard about him often “Old Ed”.
Well Ed you raised a good daughter and you were a huge part of us.
I thank you for having lunch with me a couple of years ago.

May the wind be at your back and the horses in Heaven give you a good ride Cowboy.

When we cross that river Jordan,With St Peter on the other side
Singin' Good Ride Cowboy,
Good Ride!
Say Good Ride Cowboy,
Good Ride!

Thursday, March 05, 2009

I’m going to head something up at my church . . .

. . . .at some point

With this comes a confession and I confessed it last Sunday to my new/old minister. He was the associate minister but now is the lead minister because my minister stepped down for a church plant.

I want to put cardboard testimonies on in my church. U Tube it is you aren’t sure what it is. We had a time line but with the broken son, knee work, and the minister who was going to help me stepping in to the lead position it was put off.

Milly gives a sigh of relief.

My confession that led to me realizing how much I need those folks at my church and how God talks to me.

So I’m in the shower thinking of the testimonies and how powerful it is I started thinking about my testimony after all I was putting this thing together and I would need to have a good one. What could I say about me?

How has God impacted my life?

Oh snap!!!!!
Milly this isn’t about you!

Just thinking about testimonies has led me down a path of realizing how self centered I am. I’m not all bad I also thought about those in my church who have been there for me. One man in my church was stricken with a horrible painful illness, something like Preacherman suffers from. When he first came back he spotted me and smiled I walked over to him to see how he was. We shared a painful hug for him, I could see it his face but only for a brief moment. He pointed to me and said “I’ve been praying for you.” Me! Wow! This man is in pain every moment. He has small boys who are always on the move. He can’t go out and toss a ball with them because of the pain. He comes up to the booth to see me. from time to time and listens to me and gives advice. I love him and his wife. I’ve had several people tell me that they are praying for me and my children even in the face of their hardships. I know that it shouldn’t floor me I pray for them. It touches my heart.

My testimony isn’t written yet but when it is I know that it will be about God not me.

I confessed to the minister and his wife that I was thinking of me and how I could make it an impactful testimony. They laughed with me for my failings after all I'm not the only one who might go down that path of learning.

My God let me know that I was wrong for that. . . .and He loves me.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Is this in your face?

It is in mine

James 3:9-12 (New International Version)

9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt[a] water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

How can we praise God and teach others about Jesus and then spew hate for the guy who cut you off in traffic?

It’s in my face this week because I’ve been a bit unhappy with someone. I’ve been reading a couple of blogs that have post on finding forgiveness and needed it is. Darn if not only are we to find forgiveness but we can’t speak ill of them and by real definition we aren’t even to think ill of them. THAT IS JUST TOO HARD!!!! I wanted to wait after reading this and hearing James 3:9-12 after all I’m not ready yet. I will be soon but not yet.

So I can wait right?

In my face!

God doesn’t wait he forgives me the moment I ask. . .Before I ask.

I’m not saying that we should be a doormat . . . no I won’t be that.

I’m saying that God commands us to forgive because He knows that we need to. When we hold grudges we let it grow, it hurts us not the offender. That’s a hard one isn’t it? They have hurt us and they know it and they just don’t give a damn. But we are the ones who have to let it go because it’s . . . good for us.

Have I forgiven all of those hurts? No not yet but I do feel in time I will. I will work hard at not speaking ill of those who do hurt those I love. And in not speaking ill of them I might have less to forgive.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Inside my knee

Dr. Kevin released me this week. I can drive as long as I’m careful and not on narcotics. I don’t get why? ;-}

It’s back to work for me.

I thought ya’ll might like to see what the inside of a wrecked knee looks like. I’m trying to post the video of the work he did on me but it won’t load. Dr. Kevin isn’t just one of the best he’s a darn nice man and a Christian.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Affairs Part Twa (2)

Thanks to all for the comments but you all seemed to miss some aspects of an affair.

People cheat in different ways and suex ain’t always it.

We have the guy who gets drunk and finds a one night moment. Some will sober up and wonder what happened and how they ended up there. Some will continue to do it over and over again when they can.

One comment was that women deny the man.

Not always in fact some women enjoy it. In fact we are freer to enjoy it because of women’s rights.

Yet men still cheat.

Why do they cheat??

Because they can’t find happiness within themselves and they want their spouse to create it over and over again. When the discontent continues they find a new thing to play with. When they see what they are going to lose they may want to try again but the same thing will happen because they can’t find happiness in another they will find another woman to stroke their ego and for a brief time they will be happy until the spouse gets her fill of it.

Suex doesn’t need to be involved in this affair. The affair is about finding happiness. Some find that the home, spouse, and kids are a prison not a blessing. It’s sad that they can find a full heart when they see how blessed they are.

Even Christians have affairs. You would think that a Christian would see the blessing laid at his feet. They just don’t.

I live, for now, in a very nice home but that’s not a blessing not at all. I will soon move into a smaller home. That one will be a blessing. It’s going to be a blessing because of the love I have been given. Because I will be free of those chains of discontent from a man who couldn’t see what he had.

I think that people stray for different reasons not because they are men.

When you put yourself over your family, when you put your needs over everything that you should be holding near and dear, when you fail to put God first, you lose everyone and everything.

So folks the next time you think of straying call an attorney and ask him how much it will cost you.

And I mean honestly cost you and your children.

Then . . .

Stop using the excuses of being male. .

Pick up your bible, fall to your knees, and pray for a path to healing your relationships.

Friday, February 20, 2009

From KB's Blog a bit of fun

Type into Google "______ needs" or "______ likes" with quotation marks, putting your name in the blank. Type in the first 10 "_____ needs" type statements you find.

1. Milly likes poppies (It's true I do)

2. Milly likes to play (If it isn't gonna hurt much)

3. Milly likes to rearrange her furniture and clean her whole suite daily (Bloody Heck No!)

4. Milly likes buttons, but she doesn’t like bows (Bows or too fussy)

5. Milly likes treats (yep bring um on)

6. Milly likes to come into the office to see her uncle Tony (I have an uncle Tony!)

7.Milly still likes to guess what's in each egg (I might be right someday!)

8.Milly likes to tire me (I can't help it if I'm fun)

9. Milly likes to use big words for simple ideas (It makes me seem smarter)

10. Milly's wish to do simply as she likes demands (It's true)

1.Milly needs to lose some weight and get healthier before her surgery. (Too late now)

2.Milly needs a wheelchair (Got one)

3.Milly's needs to change somethin. (Sing'n to the choir)

4.Milly needs him to avert the future war (All I am say'n is give peace a chance)

5.Milly needs to cross the line (See others agree)

6.Milly needs to be apprehended (Darn they know)

7.Milly needs is an iced coffee and a different hat, and I'd hardly notice her walking past me on the sidewalk (They won't find me now)

8. Milly needs to see the vet, sooner rather than later (Sat next to one today and had a nice conversation)


10.It's so touching to read about how you anticipate Milly's every need and make sure things (It is thank you)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Yep that's my knee

Friday the 13th went well for me. My dad took me to the surgical hospital for my knee. They got me in rather quickly so the anesthesiologist and I decided not to go with the pill to relax me. The other reasons are that I was rather relaxed plus I don’t wake up easily. I was wheeled to an operating room then put under. Waking up is always so odd. This time it was as if the world was getting bad reception. I wondered if I couldn’t move some rabbit ears around to stop the world from rolling. Not spinning rolling. The nurse fussed about injecting things into my IV as my dad sat next to me. I tried to stay quiet. At least I think I did. The man next to me was feeling no pain at all and found everything funny. The nurse rattled off the orders and they wheeled me to dad’s truck. Thank goodness that she gave us written orders because when my sister asked us we were clueless as to what we were to do and when.

I did have trouble keeping food down even liquids wanted out. My tummy wakes up slowly. On funny moment came when I was sure that I was going to throw up. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to make it to the bathroom on crutches and pain pills. My sister jumped up and rushed to the kitchen getting caught on her sweat pants and sliding. We had visions of her falling like a boy with a broken hip. I was horrified and stranded with a mouth full of (You get the picture). Dad yelled cup and I grabbed the one in front of me. My sister came limping in with a bowl and I finished. After making sure she was ok and brushing my teeth we all laughed. Can you imagine?
My son on a walker
Me on crutches
Her all broken
My dad can’t get too far that he doesn’t need to sit
Miss Littles would have to take care of us. Poor Miss Littles!
Thankfully sis was only a bit bruised

I spent a few days hanging with dad and sis as they took care of me and the kids. Love the dad and sis.

My knee isn’t as swollen today and I have cleaned it off.

The tumor was removed and has been downgraded to a cyst. The meniscus was cleaned up. Some arthritis removed
Something was tightened and something was loosened.
He moved my knee.
He told my dad that he moved my knee.
Ok did my knee need to be moved?
I had no idea that it was in the wrong place apparently I was living in the dark on that one.

Thanks to all who have kept us in prayer.

I’m hanging out and reading stuff so don’t be surprised if I show up with a comment.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

a life time. . .

There’s a million things that I should be doing tonight.
Worship slides
house work
packing for my dad’s
talking to God
writing thank you notes
but here I am posting.....

I haven’t finished the worship slides because I haven’t started them yet. I’m not sure what the picture theme will be yet. I’ll know it when I get there.

I need to tidy up the house so that it won’t be such a chore when I am laying around.
The kids and I are hanging out with my dad for a few days while I recover a bit. He’s a good daddy and was always great at taking care of me and the kids when we were sick.
We always need our special God time.

I owe a few folks note of thanks. Some for bringing church to us one Sunday night. If you know the church that I attend the guy playing the guitar are sitting in my family room. One of my friends brought us dinner one night. And several have called and sent notes. It’s great to have a church family. If you doubt the value of having one come hang with us for a while, we’ll show you.

The biggest reason that I love my job is because I love the people and I love seeing how they react to life. The social psychology major want-a-be comes out in me . Most of the time the theater major is preforming.

One man now grumbles at me and really doesn’t look at me anymore since I turned him down for a date, I think it makes his friend happy because he smiles big when he mumbles as he walks past me. I do feel bad but now way no how.

One man seeks me out so that I can wait on him and chat. He’s a nice older man.
One man has backed off because he found out that I’m a Christian. He hasn’t asked me to seek off for an affair all week. He still talks to me a bit and they are much better conversations.

People are interesting some sad some angry like the woman who was on her cell phone the whole time I was helping her refusing to pay attention to me. I get that a lot because we are a contractor store. These guys work hard and they need to make every moment count. When one of the men’s hotdog threw up relish and onions in a big splat I felt that I should warn the woman that she was going to step in it and might fall. She turned and gave me a nasty look but I still kept on guard. She then looked at the rather large for a hotdog sized pile of relish and onions and just missed it. Sis she take the phone from her ear and thank me? Did she mouth thank you? Did she get me a thumb up? No she gave me a nasty look and walked out.

I cleaned up the mess. And yes the guy apologized and offered to clean it up himself.

Sometimes I wonder about people.

Miss Littles has a very runny nose today so we have tissues piling up. It hasn’t stopped her from roller skating all over the house. Yes I’m that kind of parent. She’s not the one who fell and broke a hip. The one running from Miss Littles did that.

I have been peeking in on ya’ll and have from time to time had a bit to say. Golly time seems to rush away from us.

I called an old friend the other day. Life hasn’t been kind to her then again she hasn’t been kind to life at times. I hate that she is so ill and that her daughter is no longer in her life. I do miss her.
I wish my friend who is embarking on a new path nothing but a great life.

A great life. . .
What is that?
It’s sorrow and love it’s life real life.
It’s sitting in front of your home and loving those in it.
It’s knowing your mistakes and being honest enough to say the out loud
It’s learning and correcting
It’s a life led by God
It’s seeking Jesus with your family and in the darkness of yourself
It’s what I have

Do you?

Friday, February 06, 2009

An old friend stopped by

Today I heard from DugALug
If you haven't read his blog please take the time to do so.
He and his wife have written some heart touching words.

DugALug we will all continue to pray for you and your family!

Friday, January 30, 2009


I haven’t felt that inspired lately. Things around here are edgy or something. See what I mean very little inspiration.

I’m sitting at the dining room table working on the summer Disney scrapbook. I’ve lost the C in escape, I suppose it did just that. Poor lost C. I lost the dot on an i but it still seems fine.

To fill you in on things that have sucked it out of me:

My aunt is in the hospital, surgery to remove a large amount of her intestine.
My son broke his hip.
My dad is doing well but still has me on edge.
Someone in my family has Crohn’s and isn’t looking too well.
I’m having my knee worked on in February.
My friend's cancer isn't gone.
That divorce thing
I’ve lost my temper with my boss twice this last week. He’s a man so he keeps saying stupid stuff like “I know you’re a bit stressed.” And “What’s this all about?” MEN!!!!!
I had a two day migraine.

I spent some time in the car today with God crying and talking. I talked a lot about me and how He should be helping me. He let me know that he was. Yes it is about me right now because it’s my blog and I write about me and when I need to lean I need to lean. So He told me that He was right next to me with His shoulder for crying and His arms for holding. And after all, my aunt came through surgery. My attorney has made me laugh and is a Christian. My son had the best surgeon around and is making me laugh every day. My daddy is taking care of us and doing a great job and he is still with us. They found Crohn’s before it was too bad. My surgeon is a good one and a Christian. He promised to pray for my son. I’m having my knee fixed after dealing with the pain. Insurance company willing. ;-}

I may have lost a friend but I still have lots of friends who really love me.

Still I don’t want to get up too early Saturday morning. I think I’ve earned it and I did complete four pages of the scrapbook.


After eight please.

I think I need to find my Bible and keep talking to God.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Winter you have arrived

Just Chill'n tonight.

It's cold and sleeting/snowing/freezing rain stuff.

I made it to and from work with ease today.

I drive rather well in this stuff. It's about respecting each others space and going just the right speed.

Just like life. ;-}

The boy is doing well and doing a bit more on his own.

Miss Littles is herself as always so life is good tonight.

If only dinner would show up on its own then all would be grand at the homestead.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Update on my kid

My son has two pins in him and is resting at home. I have been making calls and trying to arrange PT and homebound for his schoolwork, I threatened to make a call to the person who runs the school district. The poor nice lady on the line asked me about paperwork. Paperwork! I could get the person in charge of that department to call me back. The paperwork is now to be faxed to the surgeon, I’m told he is the best. I pray that the blood flow stayed strong.

He is resting at home now we moved the bed to the family room so that he would have to sleep in my bed, it’s a bit tall and so the he could hang out with us during the day. He is in good spirits and makes me laugh a lot.

I will admit that I hit the wall today. My boss was being a jerk and when he said a real stupid thing to me I went off. I know that I shouldn’t have but I did. He looked at me and said I know you’re under a bit of stress because you normally would have talked that way to me. I raised my voice again and said a bit of stress are you kidding me! We are cool now but I shed a few tears on the way home.

The boy shows me a lot of strength every day. We have some pretty funny moments around here.

Please pray that the blood flow is strong and he only faces having the pins out.
God has him in His hands.

Thank you to those who have been lifting us up to Him.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Please pray

Please pray for my son he fell and broke his hip.
Doctor number 1 missed it and sent him to another doctor the next day.
He missed the 8 hour window and now we won't know if the ball will make it.
It will take months to know.

Because Chic asked

He slipped on his pants while being chased by his sister. No he doesn’t wear his pants low like some of the kids. He was in those lounge kind of pants. His hip met the ceramic tile. The first doctor, a well know one in this area for sports medicine, Olympic medicine at that, didn’t do x-rays instead he sent him to a specialist. The appointment was the next day. That doctor took on look at him and sent him to x-ray then called 911.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Guess Who is 9!?!


I'm so glad to have you in my life!

Thursday, January 08, 2009

My minister did the coolest thing last Sunday.

I had to take a fresh battery to him before he hit the pulpit/stage, after running around looking for him, being told to go in the wrong direction thanks to Greg. (What was I thinking listening to him?) thank God for tall men to point me in the right direction, way to hide in plain sight, I gave him the battery. He seemed shaky but it was almost go time and I had just given him a task right before. He sat in the pew then looked up at us. We try to focus on the players at hand in case they have a change of plans and need us to do something. The sermon is in the computer and notes are at hand it’s almost go time and he is staring at us. My cohort mumbles about the fact that he is looking at us. I whisper something back about it.

He came up to the booth with a slip of paper and two lines of notes on it. The scriptures are loaded I make sure the picture is changed because they weren’t right for the mood and they were too light.

He preached from the heart. I needed to hear it and I know the many others did. The sermon was real and personal. It touched me. It’s sort of sad that not everyone knows that it wasn’t planned.

My minister plans to the last detail on his sermons. He’s easy to follow when you are doing slides as long as you are awake. I’m still waiting for my Starbucks.

I love it when God leads

Friday, January 02, 2009

What a wonderful gift for the new year from God

I woke to hear Canadian geese on the pond or were they at the window. What a great sound at six am. I don’t have a photograph of the first sunrise of 2009 but I can assure you it was a pretty one. It painted the sky in orange and turquoise. I wished for a Starbucks as I drove to the church to pick up my son. He brought in his new year with friends.
I spent the night at my dad’s house with a friend and family. We played games all night. I have to note that I had been up since four in the morning. I still say that a cutter worm exists.

We enjoyed a nice dinner of cabbage, black-eyed peas, and cornbread. I eat them more to honor my ancestors. But if I have good luck and money I won’t argue. It’s one of my favorite meals. So it’s a great way to start the day.

As I carried our thing to the car I was greeted by the geese I love hearing them talk to each other as they fly, two straggles had me smiling as I watched them trying to catch the others.

The sunset lit the whole sky so I had to take these photographs.

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.
Jeremiah 29: 11-14 NIV