Blizzard of 2011 home because I am His favorite

Thank God I’m not working today or tomorrow.
Honestly I thank God.

One of the dear-to-my heart ladies that I am blessed to work with pointed out that we were both off for two days while it snowed and it was because God made it happen. I can’t argue with that, not that I would ever argue with this lady. She tell me she is God's favorite Child.

This wonderful woman is a prayer warrior and a bright light in our lives. I wish I could grow up to be like her.

One of the books that I’m currently reading had a great line in it and I wish that I could find it to quote properly. It’s basically this- the woman in the book wondered when she would be as mature as the boy in the story.


I too wonder that for myself when I will grow up enough to be a child of God.
The lady I spoke of from work tells me that she is God's favorite child. She is, God has protected her from spousal abuse, death of those she loves, and other trials. God has protected her. She's a child of God. By the way she will tell you that you are too.

When my son broke his hip and I shared my worries about the ball dying she said It’s not going to happen and we will not give it thought .God won’t let it happen and she prayed for him. Now I have to tell you that I’m the mom and I gave it thought, not that I’m not full of faith I’m mom and I had to prepare.

I just wonder though when will I grow up enough to be a child of God?
When will I be ready to stand faithfully and tell people that I am God's favorite child.
Are you ready to claim it?

Here YOU take the wheel. . .

A few weeks ago I felt like it was all closing in on me. I mean come on already with letting go of control. I want to move on. I want to live my life. He isn’t allowing it, he’s angry and for some reason can’t seem to move onto the “friend” to yell at and control and abuse. They are getting married so bug her not me. I’m not angry anymore, I’m relieved. I don’t wake in the morning wondering what he will complain about. I don’t wonder what new insult he will fling at me. I wake happy, ready to meet the new day. I’ve always been a happy person.

I’ve had a couple of bouts with depression. The first bout was when I decided to leave college and the man that I loved left to see the world and entertain as he traveled. I lost my friends and that man at the same time. I missed college, him, and learning. I threw myself into a horrible job and tried to save money so that I could go back to college. I pulled myself out of the funk and moved on with my life.

The second bout was while married. I pulled myself out by throwing myself into writing.
I’m happy. Even while living with a man who critiqued our lives in and out of the bedroom I was happy. I could see the blessings.

I now go to a divorce group to just talk and to listen. It’s helpful to hear ideas and get prospective from those who are going through the same things. I sat next to a woman who knew my pain and I know how she feels. I know that she too is going to hit that wall. I know that she is going to feel that she will never have control of her life because he won’t let her. We hugged and I tried to tell her that it will get better. It has for me. I gave him that control. I gave him control. I’m now working on not giving him my mood. I’m working on not letting him run my life. I’m not going to allow him to hurt me anymore.

God has, is, and will be a guide. I recently sat in my car feeling that I wasn’t going to be able to give my children much of a Christmas. That I will never be able to fix the things on the house that need work. As I sat in the garage HE began to talk to me. HE asked me to give HIM the control . . . and I did just that.

. . . and HE has blessed me with several wonderful things. Like the insurance company kicking in some money for my knee surgery because of the wonderful lady at the Doctor’s billing department going after them. HE sent many other wonderful ways this last week to let me know that HE is in control.


. . . can we put HIM in control every day?

. . .I’m learning and try’n.

The only person that can control me is the one that I allow the ONE that I need to put in control is GOD.

Think'n differently

Now if you know me you know that I can’t leave it alone. I’ll think about it, pick at it, talk about it and eventually blog about it.

I’ve been perusing Jared’s book lately. I’m not too far into it but I do see an opinion that I disagree with. It’s nothing personal he’s a good writer and preacher and I am far from qualified to disagree out loud but you know how I am.



Genesis 22 (New International Version)

Abraham Tested

1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.

2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about.

4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance.

5 He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together,

7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?" "Yes, my son?" Abraham replied. "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.

10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.


12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."


13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son.

14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."


15 The angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time

16 and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son,

17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies,

18 and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."


19 Then Abraham returned to his servants, and they set off together for Beersheba. And Abraham stayed in Beersheba



Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"

God doesn’t test us because He wants to know how we are going to react. Think about it do you really think that God is sitting up there wondering how we will react. Can you picture it? God leaning over to Jesus saying “Dude wanta make a bet that that he runs away?” I don’t think so. I think that HE knows us and He knows the beginning and the end. He tests us so we will know how we will react. So that we can handle life and death. He tests us so that we know how to obey

2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

WOW!!!!!!WHOM YOU LOVE!!!!!!!
Jared and I agree on this one I won’t kill my kid. Guess who knows that? God knows!

3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey.

Think on this EARLY. Why tell us what time of the day? I think if I had to do something that hard I’d not sleep the night before and I’d need to get up early so that my courage wouldn’t sink. I don't know about you but I tend to put things off the longer I think about it.

He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance.

ON THE THIRD DAY! What a long and difficult journey. Take a moment and think about it. Twice my son had to go into the operating room and with every tick of the clock my heart hurt. I didn’t exhale until his wonderful face was in front of me.

He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

I’m sure he didn’t want to say something like “Hey guys I’m going to kill my son up there so hang tight.” The men might have jumped in and tried to stop that crazy man.

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, 7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?" "Yes, my son?" Abraham replied. "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

I don’t know if God had prepared Isaac but I do think that he wasn’t afraid at that moment.

8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

See they went together. Abraham didn't grab him up and drag the boy.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.

Okay now think about this one. Have you ever tried to get your kid in a wrestling hold? Not too easy is it? Isaac didn’t put up a fight because Isaac would have won the fight. Isaac knew that it was from God.

Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

The knife is in his hand and he is ready to kill his son.

. 11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.

Have you ever been told or thought that someone you love is going to die then you hear that they are cancer free or the heart attack wasn’t fatal. Now think of it at your hand. What a release of air Abraham must have let out.Think on this Isaac thought that the father he loved was going to kill him. He didn't struggle or cry out to God he too had faith in God. He knew that God would take him home to be with Him.

12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."


13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."



Abraham sacrificed his son that day.

He took him to the altar.

He bound him.

He readied the fire.

He raised the knife.

In his heart he killed his son to obey God.

Amazing . . .

and. . .

. . . .. . . frightening.

And have not withheld your son, your only son.

Just as God didn’t withhold His Son His only Son that day on the cross.

What a powerful and amazing story of obedience and love.

#500

I wanted to try to do something really cool for number 500 actually it’s not the real number 500 because I’ve removed a few for different reasons but it says number 500 so we’ll call it that.

At this point in my life I’m fighting giants and praising God for the wins.

Do you ever think of yourselves as little David standing alone with nothing but a strap and a stone?

Have you ever found yourself looking at that giant?

We aren’t alone because we have God. But when I’m standing in front of that giant I find myself feeling weak sometimes. God knows when my hands shake and the panic comes. He knows when He needs to hand me a stone and a strap. I believe that if God had given David nothing that he could have defeated Goliath with only a puff of air. So I’ll let out a puff of air and say this prayer.

Ama naming nasa langit,
Sambahin nawa ang Pangalan Mo.

Ikaw nawa ang maghari sa amin,
Sundin nawa ang iyong kalooban
dito sa lupa tulad ng sa langit.

Bigyan mo kami ng pagkaing kailangan
nawa sa araw na ito;
At patawarin mo kami sa aming kasalanan,
Tulad ng aming pagpapatawad samga nagkasala sa amin

At huwag mo kaming iharap sa
mahigpit na pagsubok,
Kundi ilayo mo kami sa masama!
Sapagka't iyo ang kaharian at ang kapangyarihan
at ang kapurihan,
magpakailanman!

Amen


Not so cool in the way of pyro tech but a really cool prayer that Jesus gave us.

Don't worry be happy

Cool quote from a third grader:

This one is sure makes one that I overheard a third grader say. Pregnant women can’t drive.
I had no idea did you?

I may have missed a bit of it because they didn’t use a sound system.

It’s not what we did in the past, it’s not what we will do in the future, it’s what comes from within.

A nice bit of awesomeness today!

***Keep reading**********************I have more to say***



Luke 12:22-34 (Today's New International Version)

Do Not Worry 22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

27 "Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

32 "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.



I needed to hear this one today.

It’s cool how God rolls like that. I opened an email and there it is Don’t worry be happy.

The rain is tapping on the window I have music playing softly. I have to be at Miss Littles’ school soon but for now God is whispering to me Do not be afraid.

Heroes in my life

Man my son is a strong guy!

Today in PT one of the nice ladies asked how the surgeon’s visit went. I know my look to her told a lot my son explained it in such a grown up way. I want to cry scream and yell but here is this young man holding it together.

I’ve told him that he could yell and cry if he needed to when we left the doctor’s office. Yesterday after the news we met up with my dad and sister for lunch. They had questions but neither of us wanted to talk about it. The fact that he was telling her today was a good sign to me because I knew he understands what could be happening to his body. It was devastating to hear that the little white strip on the films is a sign of restricted blood flow. I don’t doubt the doctor because I hear that he is the best around. I felt speechless as I looked in the doctor’s blue eyes thinking say something better. He didn’t say that the ball is going to die for sure. Miracles I want them.

If you have the time pop over to my sis-n-law's blog to see another wonderful person God has in my life


http://notassweetasiusedtobe.blogspot.com/

Inspiration

I haven’t felt that inspired lately. Things around here are edgy or something. See what I mean very little inspiration.

I’m sitting at the dining room table working on the summer Disney scrapbook. I’ve lost the C in escape, I suppose it did just that. Poor lost C. I lost the dot on an i but it still seems fine.

To fill you in on things that have sucked it out of me:

My aunt is in the hospital, surgery to remove a large amount of her intestine.
My son broke his hip.
My dad is doing well but still has me on edge.
Someone in my family has Crohn’s and isn’t looking too well.
I’m having my knee worked on in February.

My friend's cancer isn't gone.
That divorce thing
I’ve lost my temper with my boss twice this last week. He’s a man so he keeps saying stupid stuff like “I know you’re a bit stressed.” And “What’s this all about?” MEN!!!!!
I had a two day migraine.


I spent some time in the car today with God crying and talking. I talked a lot about me and how He should be helping me. He let me know that he was. Yes it is about me right now because it’s my blog and I write about me and when I need to lean I need to lean. So He told me that He was right next to me with His shoulder for crying and His arms for holding. And after all, my aunt came through surgery. My attorney has made me laugh and is a Christian. My son had the best surgeon around and is making me laugh every day. My daddy is taking care of us and doing a great job and he is still with us. They found Crohn’s before it was too bad. My surgeon is a good one and a Christian. He promised to pray for my son. I’m having my knee fixed after dealing with the pain. Insurance company willing. ;-}

I may have lost a friend but I still have lots of friends who really love me.

Still I don’t want to get up too early Saturday morning. I think I’ve earned it and I did complete four pages of the scrapbook.

Inspiration?

After eight please.

I think I need to find my Bible and keep talking to God.

Where has the time gone?

I decided I might want to let ya’ll know I’m still around.
Even though Sunset Boulevard is on I think I’ll still update.

Max my memoirs!

I’m not afraid to read it.

Saturday team Miss Littles ran The Tulsa Run Fun Run. Her school won $750.00 for having the most participants in their category. I missed running more than ever while I tried to find my running spirit from within. I think I can find my stride. I ran distance so it’s a bit slow compared to those who run to win. I run to find peace. I smiled at the man who greats our day at work with a rant of scriptures, he was ranting as I pasted him on the street. Some places most likely would run this man out but he seems to fit in with the ambiance, besides all he wants is coffee and a moment to quote scripture from that well worn Bible.

Sunday I woke with a head banger. Bummer I had things to do. I made it to work but not church. We had a competition at another store. Our store lost. I could think and they put things in other departments. No worries it was still fun to be there.

I’m still watching the sun come up every morning. It’s been turquoise and orange. How can you not see God in the morning.

I’m working on a spider costume for Miss Littles step into the book. She’s Charlotte. Tomorrow is the fall fest at church. Thursday is the day to get the boy ready for the weekend. Halloween is my birthday so it’s treating and relaxing with Miss Littles, my sister, and a friend.

It seems as if so many of us are going through some trials in our lives. We need to remember that God is with us always. If you’ve made a mistake fall to your knees in forgiveness Jesus died for you. You’re forgiven.

God loves us. He sent his Son to save us, so rejoice!

I'm ready for my close up

Hear Him

I’ve read a few blogs around these parts in the last few months with the topic of hearing and not hearing God. Some have and no longer and some don’t and can’t be sure that they ever did. You know that got me thinking as things like this do. I spent some time at work pondering about hearing Him speak.


How are we to hear the voice of God?

In the old school testament God was in our faces. Well not our faces but those who came way back before us.

His voice was heard, and not only that He was live and in person. He came looking for Adam and Eve in the cool of the day.

God sent burning bushes and parted the sea.

I still want to know if while you were walking between those two walls of ocean could you have reached out and grabbed fish. Think about that image! Walls of water. . you are on the ocean bed walking. I want to know what they gave witness to. It will always be in my head till I die and when I’m dead I won’t ask because I will be with Jesus and I think in awe of Him I’ll fall to my knees. I know that some of you have me pegged for dancing. Hmmm I have a song now going through my head.

Back to the VOICE OF GOD!!!

Do you think it’s this big booming voice?

It could be.

Is the soft and gentle voice?

Perhaps.


Now I think I need a disclaimer hear. I am in no way saying that you are loved less or aren’t getting it right if you can’t hear it.

I believe that God speaks to me in a various ways.

I hear whispers

I get yelled at

I get talked to

I also think that He uses others and other things to speak for Him.

He created us and know how we are wired. This is something I throw my hands up about at times. Why aren’t ya’ll wired to think like I do? Why do you think it’s ok to sit in the middle of the WalMart parking lot (know as the portal to hell) waiting for the lady with a full cart, who has just arrived at her vehicle to search her purse for her keys. Then open the trunk and slowly start removing her items from her cart. You see me behind you and you know it was me that you insisted on being in front of so that you could have that spot. I don’t want the spot I just want to park so that I can run into the store for stuff for a Step Into The Book Costume. THIS IS WHY I DON"T SHOP AT WALMART! Ok that and the way they do business. Sorry I needed to vent.

I only know how I hear God. I I know that when I was in a church where everyone was talking in tongues I heard "Not this church, this isn’t for you." The people were super nice and my ex roommate made it seem to be great. She looked happy and I felt happy when I wasn’t confused about what was going on and what I was suppose to be doing.

I head the voice tell me to go the other way when I was driving Mary, my daughter, and her daughter to a leather work shop down town. I shook that voice off, after all I knew better. As I was driving through the neighborhood a truck tailed me. Now when you insist on being on my bumper I am not at all motivated to go faster. God knows how I worry that a child will run out into the road so I drive neighborhoods slowly anyway add a truck tail and I move at a snails pace. I also take my time pulling out. So I moved slower and took my time pulling onto 41st .The light was green and the streak was silver and the screams were Mary’s and my bumper ripped off red blazer. I slammed on the breaks sending all of us forward. Thank God for safety belts. Had I driven a bit faster he would have T-Boned us. The man driving the car didn’t stop for a while. He was going very fast when he topped the little hill and sped through the intersection and ripped my bumper off. One of our neighbors is a cop. He was off duty and came running to check on us. The cop who responded went to my church. I was surrounded by men to help me. had I listened to that Voice my bumper would have been in tact. Had God not sent a truck to slow me I would have been morning the death of my friend Mary and her daughter and possibly my daughter. God wasn’t ready for any of us.

When my marriage began to fall apart and I felt as if I couldn’t breathe God whispered to me. I heard Him. He gave me strength to make the calls that I needed to make. He continues to whisper to me. I have moments but I know that I am doing the right thing. I need to do this.

When we have moments of weakness who is it that stops us from picking up that phone. . .opening that bottle. . .taking that pill...slashing our skin. . . looking at wickedness. . .eating those cookies. . .have an affair. . . tuning out life. . .Who stops us?

Who will take us back when we stray?

Who is it that whispers in the dark of the night . . .It is done and I forgive you.

Most morning I stand in the doorway drinking in the color of morning and take a breath of cool air Who boldly shows me His new day?

A child’s drawing speaks to me of wonderment and love. I take in the rustic art wondering what they were thinking when a hair was painted purple and shapes out of proportion. A child need not say a thing to me about the work it speaks for itself. God’s beauty speaks to me.

I remember holding my new born son and looking at the moon one night . It was so big and bright that I lit the room. I thought of Mary giving up her son. How my heart ached for her. I whispered God I couldn’t do it. He said you don’t have to I did it for you and that baby.

Is it that God is silent?

Do you think that he would slip back to see how we can manage on our own. Is He a father that would let go of the bicycle? What then if we fall? We keep trying but we keep falling. Where are you Father? Why aren’t You helping why are You silent?

Is that it? Is it a silence a defining suffering fearful silence?

We want to put the blame somewhere. Is it God? Is it Jesus? Is it you? Is it me? Can I be so panic stricken that I would fail to hear Him?

I have no words to give comfort. I have never felt that fear.

He speaks boldly to me with a whisper. He yells at me when I can’t listen.

I may be listening to my own crazy mind. I may not be hearing Him. But I think I hear Him in the sunrise. I think I hear Him in the man who looks for me at work and tells me "Now I’m having a good day." when he sees me. I think I hear Him in my children. I think I hear Him in the singing birds. I know I heard Him the day I was laying on the dock on a cool fall day. I heard Him that day in the young people laughing and talking.

I’ve asked many things of God and been thankful of the no answers.
He know what I need and when I need it better, He is after all my Father.


I pray that you will hear Him soon.

I know that He hears you.

Isn't Life Grand!!

How great is our God!

Freefall with God!

Last Sunday the minister at my church preached about the sermon on the mount and I’ll think about posting my thoughts on that later. He started with Matthew 4. These words stuck firmly in my head at once and immediately. Read these passages

NIV

Matthew 4


The Calling of the First Disciples
18As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." 20At once they left their nets and followed him.

21Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him. 20And they straightway left their nets, and followed him.

King James

Matthew 4

18And Jesus, walking by the sea of Galilee, saw two brethren, Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea: for they were fishers.
19And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.
20And they straightway left their nets, and followed him.
21And going on from thence, he saw other two brethren, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in a ship with Zebedee their father, mending their nets; and he called them.
22And they immediately left the ship and their father, and followed him.

English Standard
Matthew 4

Jesus Calls the First Disciples
18 While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. 19And he said to them, "Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men." 20Immediately they left their nets and followed him. 21And going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and he called them. 22Immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.

The Message
Matthew 4

18-20Walking along the beach of Lake Galilee, Jesus saw two brothers: Simon (later called Peter) and Andrew. They were fishing, throwing their nets into the lake. It was their regular work. Jesus said to them, "Come with me. I'll make a new kind of fisherman out of you. I'll show you how to catch men and women instead of perch and bass." They didn't ask questions, but simply dropped their nets and followed.
21-22A short distance down the beach they came upon another pair of brothers, James and John, Zebedee's sons. These two were sitting in a boat with their father, Zebedee, mending their fishnets. Jesus made the same offer to them, and they were just as quick to follow, abandoning boat and father.


At once!

Immediately!

The magnitude of those words resonate in my head. Jesus simply called to them and they dropped their nets. Those nets weren’t purchased at Target they were handmade, that takes time and skill. This was their lives. This was how they supported themselves. Everyone and everything was to be left behind. They didn’t pack boxes nor did they grab a change of clothes. No girl in their eyes to say good bye to. No buddies to shake hands with and wish them well. They took that step without support of loved ones.

Yesterday I spent some time in the grocery store examining three choices of chicken stuff. Before that I spent some time thinking about how much time I had before I had to pick up the kids because I was delayed at the mechanic’s getting my oil changed, it took two hours. (They washed it without asking or telling me, a nice serendipity) Before that I debated on what kind of oil to put into the car. I chose the better stuff. (a man might tell me different or he might frown because I pay to have it done but I am manless, I’ve paid to have the oil changed from the get go with this car.

Back to my thought process:

I have to think things out. I have to look at all sides. I’ve heard of others who just went, they heard God calling and they sold the house and went. When I was young I would do some spontaneous things but to give up a life to live in uncertainty just wasn’t me. I really have to think on this one. If you are the man of the house who has heard the calling and you convince your family to follow you to another state making job changes, school changes, home changes, and friend changes sure you are freefalling with God but you have your family. These men just dropped the nets without any discussion. James and John didn’t ask their father if they should go, they just went.

Perhaps that doesn’t blow you away!
It sure does me!

I took a leap of faith when I made the call to bring the beginning to the end of my marriage after spending a huge amount of time watching, thinking, and most of all praying. But I did all of those things. Giving time to mull of things is important you do need to be sure that what you’re doing is what is best for you and your family. I’m ending a things after a lot of thought, after God reviled to me that I was right in doing so.

I do believe that God calls us to go with Him and clearly He does it that quickly. I just have never heard that call and it blows me away to think of feeling His security to take that freefall.

Have you ever been called to do so that quickly

at once~ immediately ?

Did you go straightway go?

Or did you spend time thinking about it?

Immeasurable God

As I stood at work looking out into the vastness of hardware and home improvement I thought about how I see God and God sees me. When I was a child God was big, he was a huge immeasurable being that I loved and was told that He loved me but He seemed too big to reach yet always with me, it’s hard to explain I suppose. It’s just that I wasn’t really raised in a church going home after fifth grade and I had a huge amount of fears as a small child. Honestly a huge amount. I had more panic attacks as a child then as an adult. God was enormous and I was part afraid, curious, and very confused. He was always with me He could always see me. Even when I’m doing stuff God could see me. The sixties and seventies were a time of Hell fire and brim stone sermons. God was going to smote us if we weren’t respecting Him, following Him, if we doubted we were dead. It was frightening for me as a child. But still I loved Him because in the cracks He showed me Himself.

As an adult I see God differently and still the same. He is vast and in my brain I find confusion at times. God can hear me . . . He can hear me. He keeps me in His pocket for safe keeping like a prized possession . . . along with all of you. To really grasp this I think of where I work most of the time. I’m watching four screens, four or more people, four computers, the area around me, a walkie-talkie seems to be chattering most of the time, the phone ringing, those who are stopping by for information, and most of the time I have a bit of paperwork to do while all of this is going on. I love it! I have those folks who know me and give hugs, jokes, and blessings. I get yelled at cussed at and seem to be the one who has made their day a moment in hell. I do this rush for only a few short hours a day clock out and get into my car, my sanctuary, a place to pray and find peace. I have trouble keeping up with people and the demands at times and I’m good at it. God is the Supreme Being the one who invented all of us yammering people and He has absolutely no problem listening to us. I doubt that God says “You know it was such a hard day at earth I think I’ll take a long bath and watch a movie tonight.” He’s God. He listens to us children as a patient parent listens to an eight year old tells you about her day.


God sent Jesus here for us we see that He can be a touchable God. Jesus showed us love and kindness He showed us a loving God. We needed that and He knew that we did, would, and will.

God has given me valuable beings to talk to they have listened and prayed for me but I see that I have worn at least one out. I understand that not everyone can listen like God can.

These days I think that I’ve made God smaller I think that I need for Him to be smaller. I need to feel Him next to me. I need to hold His hand to my heart. I need Him to be the one to lean on.

As in my life. . . . . .

The boy and I went to see Get Smart today. It’s not for young kids due to the language and stuff but it was a funny movie. I enjoyed the music and the references to the original show. The movie wasn’t too much like the show but gave us old folks enough to smile at.

My daughter’s new favorite movie is The Spiderwick Chronicles. I enjoyed the movie each time I had to watch it. I loved the flower fairies such a pretty fantasy. Miss Littles has professed to me that she sees fairies in her room and once in awhile throughout the house. We’re sure to invite them along when we move. She has wonderful delights about how they play about and tells me that some aren’t so nice. I suppose the fairy world isn’t that far from ours.

At church folks are full of concern for us. It’s appreciated and I do feel the love and blessings but it’s as if someone is around every corner. I spoke with a sister today and shocked her by telling her what had been going on. I had assumed most of those who know us knew.

The boy and I are watching the news. It’s always a fun thing for me to do because he’s so smart and has lots of opinions. Miss Littles watches the local news every morning and will have a cake recipe for ya’ll posted soon. I’ve tasted it and think you should make yourself one.

Things around here have been a bit off to say the least. Mediation went well enough and I’m processing what was said.

Last night I spent some time talking with a friend after work. I’ll have some views on what we talked about sometime. I’ve always tried to see things in different shoes and she certainly showed me a different sneaker.


God is my sanctuary

I have a prayer request for my friends in Blog Land.

I want to tell you about my friend, she’s one of those people that I was just drawn to. Honestly, she had me at hello and I suppose I had her also. We’ve spent hours talking about life, God, kids, marriage, and nothing at all. We’ve laughed and cried together and I’d honestly cut my right arm off to save her life.

When I told her what was going on in my life and that I was divorcing my husband she yelled at me for not calling her for support. She was loud about it. She was also right I do need her. I called her just the other night to vent about something to find that she was recovering from surgery. I knew that she needed it but didn’t know when she was going in. My sorry self has been so consumed with me and the kids that I have neglected others.

Tonight I smiled when my phone rang her ring tone, that smile left my face when she told me that they found cancer.

CANCER!

She’s reassured me that she’s fine and that this one has a high cure rate. I looked it up because that’s how us bloggers roll. It's about a 96% cure rate.

Still. . .
I worry. . .
She’s worried about me and how mediation is going to go so she's is calling me Thursday on her way to tell her mom and the kids.

She’s worried about me!

She has CANCER and she’s ready to cut her right arm off for me!

That's why God gave us friends.

We talked tonight about how we didn’t need anyone else but God and yet He gave us friends.

Thanks God!

PS Call a friend this week just to talk

On my reading to do list is

Mike Mullane was signing copies of his book Riding Rockets at the Kennedy Space Center so we took the opportunity to take a picture of him with my son and have a few things autographed. He let people know as they purchased the book that it was not for youngsters. "This is not a kids book." because of life stuff I haven’t had the wanted time to read but I’m a bit of the way in and I have to agree that it isn’t for the young adventures. It’s been good so far and it’s left me wanting to keep reading even when I know the 4:21 am alarm is going to be hard on me. Here’s what he wrote in my book.

My real name here

Dream Big!
Mike Mullane
515,41D,27,36 (some of these numbers might be wrong. Sorry Mike if they are.)
5/31/08

I just don’t have big dreams right now. I want my kids to be ok and I want to be able to put them in a safe home. I want more for them than anything. I want them to know that God and mom are right here for them.

I guess these are big enough dreams for a mom.

The right to be angry

We agree that anger is ok. I believe that all of us have been angry at some time in our lives. Some of us more times than others.

So let me tell a few little stories.

Sarah called her husband Dan as she loaded the children into the car. He gave her several things to purchase at the store and a warning that the money in the check book was low. She managed to buckle her daughter into the car seat. Something Houdini couldn’t have done while on the cell phone. She hung up and convinced her eight year old son it get in the car with a promise that it would be a short trip to the store. As she drove she told herself both kids will be in school next fall and she will be able to shop alone. She smile at the thought of not listening to her son tell her how board he was over and over again. She won’t have to worry that when she turns her head her escape artist child will be climbing out of the cart. She almost giggled at the thought of having lunch with her girl friends in a restaurant with that doesn’t have Mc something or a toy and play area. She was suddenly snapped into the real world when she heard the screeching sound. The nest call that her husband received wasn’t that from her bride to tell him how things went at the store and how she spent too much money it was from the police.

Everything in his life has now been changed.


The noise woke Molly from her sleep. She sat up quickly confused as to why she had a horrible feeling in the depths of her heart. BANG! A second gun shot. Confusion and panic overcame her as she rushed outside. Dear God why!!!! she screamed as she fell to the ground next to her son. He is just a boy my little boy.


The police seemed not to care about her feelings as they questioned her. Father, no, no father he split after my son was born. I’ve raised Jordan and his brother by myself. Drugs? No. She shook her head as she tried to comprehend what was happening. She watched while they took photographs of her son, his life blood on the street.

A case of mistaken identity. The shooter was wrong he chose the wrong young man and her life forever changed.

Will joined the military although it must have been a hard thing for a young gay man to do. He found solacement in the arms of strangers. When the doctor told him that the lingering virus wasn’t going to ever go away because he’s HIV positive his life forever changed.

Bobby’s great with children. He loves them. When his sister called with the news that his niece wasn’t breathing he rushed to the hospital. Blunt force trauma. She died from blunt force trauma. How does a two year old. . .the boy friend? His sister? The baby sitter? Their lives forever changed.

She tries to pretend she asleep so that he won’t come into the room. She tries her best to please him but always falls short. He works hard to make a living for them, it’s not enough.


Car wrecks. . .gun shots. . .diseases. . .murder. . .hurt. . .pain. . . death. . .anguish. . . .and . . . .and . . and. . .

I know some of the people who have stories like these. Some will find God. Some found forgiveness giving us an example of how loving our Lord is. Some don’t know God and if that’s what you people think He is then no thank you.


I’m blessed because I have never been angry with God. I’ve never lost a child. I’ve never been told that the illness is going to kill me. I’ve been in a bubble of a life and I’m blessed.
Others have fallen to there knees and asked God why. They have felt the burning anger and they have a right to be angry.


She was told that he wouldn’t live but a few short days after birth and at twenty two God called him home in a car wreck. His mother smiles as she tells of her loving son. He touched others lives and led them to God. She doesn’t question Him she thanks Him.


Not easy when you hold them so close. She’d have a right to be angry, she isn’t.


Is anger productive?


Yes it is!


When you hear that a man in your neighborhood grabbed a little girl. You begin to look for her, any car a bush you look at ever stranger. It could be him. When the little one is found naked and dripping with blood you get angry. You drop to your knees and pray. You drop some cash in a bucket to help the little one who will no longer be able to have children. Your anger stays because she is forever changed.


John Walsh was angry. MADD is angry. DVIS is angry.


A woman was constantly being abused by her husband, after the divorce he kept at her. The police did nothing to help her. When the cop received the call he stopped to go to the bathroom and then drove over to find her exhusband stabbing her. He took the knife away and walked to his car, unlocked the trunk and put the knife away while the exhusband stomped on her. She got angry. . .laws get changed from anger.


If we are to get angry with God then we must get up and be productive.

I pray for those of you who are hurting. I don’t know how it feels to be like you but God does and He is waiting for you to grab onto Him.

Peace Be With You.

I dropped the hook and now I'm waiting with my mocha cappa something

Ya’ll may remember how I enjoy fishing. I was fishing when I asked and I’m working on a post on this question Is it alright to be angry with God? I know what my answer is and I kind of knew what most of you were going to say.

Today I stared working on the worship slides and found this song.

I think it's fitting to start with.


My eyes are dry

By Keith Green

My eyes are dry
my faith is old
My heart is hard
my prayers are cold

And I know how
I ought to be
Alive to You
and dead to me

What can be done
With an old heart
like mine

Soften it up
with oil and wine
The oil is You
Your Spirit of love

Please wash
me anew

In the wine
of Your blood

My eyes are dry
my faith is old
My heart is hard
my prayers are cold

And I know how
I ought to be
Alive to You
and dead to me

What can be done
With an old heart
like mine

Soften it up
with oil and wine
The oil is You
Your Spirit of love

Please wash
me anew
In the wine
of Your blood

Grab a cup of coffee and share.

I want you to feel free to tell your story.
You can do it anonymously if you’d like.
I’m a firm believer that by sharing your story with others you are helping someone.

So here it is:

Is it alright to be angry with God?

Have you ever prayed a prayer that you knew wouldn’t get the answer you wanted?

I’m sure you have if you’ve spent any time on your knees.

As I grow older I find myself asking for things that I’m sure I won’t get and yet I think I need. I want things to be different I want the people I love to be closer to me. I want my dad’s lungs to heal. Forget that the man smoked at an early age and it was a bit late when he finally gave it up.

I want

I want

I want

I need at times and I don’t always seem to get that or so I think.

Something is hurting me deep, I ask for a hardened heart. God has done it before so why not for me?

He just will not do it so I go on hurting. But hurt has it befits. We learn from the mistakes that lead us to pain.

When I was growing up we had a floor furnaces. My siblings and I learned a bit from this furnaces. Ok my brother and I taught mom a thing or two from them. Mark taught her that if you pee on it steam will rise. I showed how hard it is to clean puke out of the thing during a bout with the flue. God bless her. We all most likely learned by touch how hot it would get. I remember on cold mornings trying to hover over the thing to get warm and not get so close to get burned.

Burns hurt and they scar. I know that first hand, rather first leg. When I was young a hot pot of coffee was spilled onto my nylon pant wearing leg. Now those of you who know a bit about things that melt know what happens to nylon. I ended up with third degree burns. I don’t really have a scar on the outside but I did hold on to one for a while on the inside. I thought that the darker line would show and that everyone would see that I was scared. I know now that people have real scars that show and if they have the courage to show them then I shouldn’t worry about mine.

We could go our whole lives without a scar but it’s not the way God made us. I believe he wants us to feel pain. I think He hasn’t hardened my heart because He knows I need my heart. I need to feel the pain as it happens so that I can better deal with all of what life is going to give me. If you stuff it all away then when you find it you’ll most likely try to take it all at once. That’s a breakdown in the making.

Instead of a hardened heart He’s given me people at my church, friends with the wisdom of what I’m dealing with, family to cling to, my loving children, and a steady ground to stand on.

I thank God for unanswered prayers.

I thank God for wisdom beyond me.

How Do We Communion?

Is it to be a celebration or a mirthless occasion?

I’ve been told both.I started to think of that "Last Supper"What was the mood like?Could you feel a shift in the air?Did Jesus show any signs as to what was about to come?And as I often do I made it my ownI began to think of what it might be like walking into that home for that meal.Judas like a thief trying to hide what he had done. He stopped to look at his reflection in pool of water, he couldn’t help but see his treachery. Satan had been talking to him all along and now he has won. What was it inside him that made him give Jesus away for only a few pieces of silver? He tries to justify it as he walks in, look at Him always so perfect. He straitened himself and moved to his place.

Jesus washed their feet.

That’s a big thing.

Take the time to really read it, give it time to roll around in your mind.

Have you ever walked into a room to have a meal with your friends and been surprised by having your feet washed?

I haven't

I realize that some of you know how I feel about feet so you might think sure Milly thinks it’s huge she wouldn’t do it. You know I don’t know now. I really gave this some thought. He not only washed their feet he washed the feet of those who would hurt him later and He knew it. He told them.Now here’s the part where we are so set apart from Jesus. If those who were hurting me were about to have a meal I’d most likely not want to touch their dirty feet but if I did and I knew that they were going to betray me I’d have a bit of sarcasm in my tone when I spoke of some still being unclean. I might even smirk and look see if they might confess. I don’t believe that Jesus did such, it wasn’t in His heart. He knew that they were fulfilling the prophecy.When He told them at that meal what they were going to do only one wasn’t surprise, he had already set the wheels in motion.

I wonder if fear or anger gripped Judas?

Hatred?

What ever it was could it have been an emotion that he could hide?

A sociopath could hide it, I don’t think he was one.

The others might have sensed something in Judas except that Jesus was different that night. His words were cause for concern.Did they look at each other thinking "It has to be him not me"

I doubt the mood was the usual one of talk of the day and listening to Jesus teach.

This meal was different.

To celebrate or to mourn?

Still I don’t know.

Jesus gave His life for us for our sins His beautiful life. Jesus came to this earth knowing He’d go through all of it for us.Humbled for sure.Honored.Unworthy I don’t like thinking that because it almost feels like we don’t get it we don’t deserve Him and yet we don’t.So I have no real words for the feeling that I feel that I should have for this moment. I do know that at times I make that meal of the Lord about me. For me. How can I make it about what it should be when I can’t put a word on it? It’s almost like trying to say YHWH you have to let the air out to say it. You have to let your breath of life out to say YHWH and breathe in new air, new life.

Celebrate?

It’s a moment of giving, Jesus gave to us so we should celebrate His gift of life to us through His death.I asked my son what he thought and being a wise young person who gives most things a bit of thought he said this about communion:

"All of God’s glory doesn't take place on the cross you need to focus on Jesus, on the examples He set for us."

"This Sunday I will focus on what a gift I am receiving from Jesus not just from the cross but in all of God's glory.

. . . .And so I had more thoughts.

I think I have a bit of an obsession with Judas. Actually after I posted on communion and had time to proof it a bit. I know I do that backwards but my time doesn’t always allow that. I sat back and realized that I have a bit of an obsession with Judas.Could it be that I feel sorry for this guy?

It was prophesied that he would do this he anguished over what he had doneJesus said that he would.

Did he do something that the weaker me might have done?

I’d like to think no way no how.

Was he possessed?

I wonder if he felt that he was always on the outside of the group.

Was he that tag along guy?

What makes a man betray his friend for a few pieces of silver?