Friday, September 29, 2006

You get the line I’ll get the pole

Here is something you don’t know about me

I am an Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation Aquatic Education Instructor.

That’s right.

I am.

. . . And so you know it's wabbet season October 1st

What is it that we don’t know about you?

Come on tell us about your hidden talents.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Life lesson number one

This is a how to instruction for those who haven’t figured it out. The ability to do this challenging task seems to go away when you marry and comes back when you divorce. I guess your brain can only hold so much like birthdays, names of children, and anniversaries.

First you take the old tub off, now I know it’s a bit difficult to comprehend at first but the thing holding the tube is a spring and all that you need to do is push it in.

You throw the cardboard tub away. In the trash.

Now this is crucial so listen, you get a fresh roll of paper and place it on the spring holder. Then you carefully put it back. I don’t care where the flap is over or under. I just need to know that when I go in and sit down it’s there.

Important step here, you need to change it when it has one fourth of an inch or less left on the roll.

Take the old roll that still has some left and place it in the cabinet, we will use it. Yes we will.

Thank you and remember practice makes perfect.

Here’s a little something to think about while you’re changing the roll
1930: Northern Tissue is declared splinter-free.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

The change in seasons make me want for

I want for time to go back just for a night

I want a cool fall night, I’ll be with my girl friends and we are cruising main. We’ll turn the radio up and sing to Desperado.

We’re looking for you boys.

Our nights usually went like this Tracy and I would start at her house. She had very little parental supervision, Chris LeDoux playing as we did our hair and dressed. We’d hop into her truck and head for town. First stop the car wash ya had to wash the dirt off the truck, then it was cruise time. We’d drive around so that those who missed us washing the truck saw that we were there. Then we parked and the local QT type place where our friends were. You didn’t do much of anything in that small town and I loved just hanging and out talking. I met a nice guy one night, he still remains in my heart. Topeka Kansas is a long way for love. It was a fun time in my life.

College took that away. I remember going to town alone one weekend to find new faces where ours were and those who remained seemed some how out of place.

I long to drive around listening to Bob Seger having nowhere to be.
My husband jokes about the girls and I doing this now "You’ll cruise the Walgreens now" It makes me laugh, it’s true. Two of us when he said that giggled then started a list.

The fall reminds me of bonfires at the lake and at the battle sites. We would bring food and friends, what wasn’t eaten at the end of the night became a weapon for a food fight. Marshmallows can hurt.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Thank You friend

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Monday, September 25, 2006

Let's play

I was sitting here about to post on an adventure a friend and I had several years ago when she called to check on me. (freaky) We want to take the kids bowling I have free passes so that makes it better. She and I aren’t able to bowl but we can cheer and jabber on. She had the same kind of surgery so she gave me good sound advice and support. Anywho I reread my little story and realized it wasn’t that interesting. Who wants to read about two women in Dallas almost missing the last flight out and so on?

I decided we need some fun so instead of words and saying we hate to hear we should go for ones we like.

I like vellum-it’s fun to say
Sock Monkey
Really? Are you going there? -Love saying that one to the husband when he’s picking a fight.
Come on join in, the cool kids are doing it
I need to add two more
Don’t eat it. Like when someone yells "Mom I found a bug!" I yell back "Don’t eat it!"
Silly Ba Nilly

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Theme Song thing

If you want to join in please do.

1. If you could pick your own theme song, what would it be?

Conversations by Sara Groves

I don't know how to say this,
I don'tknow how to stand,
I don't know where to put my feet, or where to put my hands.
I've got them in my pockets, my fingers are freezing cold, they're wrapped around a ticket stub that's four weeks old, and I don't know how to say this

I think we've figured out this world is bigger than you and I.
We've exhausted our wealth of knowledge and have no
more answers for mankind

We've had every conversation in the world about what is right and what has all gone bad, but have I mentioned to you that this is all I am, this is all that I have
I'm not trying to judge you. That's not my job. I am just a seeker too, in search of God
Somewhere somehow this subject became taboo.
I have no other way to communicateto you.
This is all that I am. This is all that I have

I would like to share with you what makes me complete. I don't claim to have found the Truth, but I know it has found me
the only thing that isn't meaningless to me is Jesus Christ and and way he set me free.
This is all that I have. This is all that I am.

2. Now be honest…if others had to pick a song that described you, what would they choose?
My family did in college it was Girls Just Want To Have Fun (For real)
My husband says it's the theme to S.W.A.T.

3. What song would be/was the first dance at your wedding?
No dancing we were in a CoC church. It was a simple wedding. However we lit the unity candle and stood together to I Never Thought by Dan Hill

4. What song gets stuck in your head most often?
Against The Wind by Bob Seger

5. What song would you want played at your funeral?
Eye on the Sparrow

Thursday, September 21, 2006

My post on "Pain Killers"

I haven’t really liked this one much. The side effects are a bit overwhelming at times. Last night I hit the wall with them. For one as I was getting into bed a balloon with Eeyore on it freaked me out for a second. It was a brief moment but still my heart was pounding. Note it was very close to my bed in the dark and is mylar. I looked so different. Once I truly feel asleep I was out.

Now you should know that these little pills also cause vivid dreams as posted below I didn’t give all the details or add every feeling that was there in my dream I felt it all.

I suddenly woke this morning, I knew I had been snoring because my throat was very dry. My stomach was killing me, yet another side affect. I tried to take a drink then go back to sleep. It didn’t work.. I had to move around.

I found myself in the kitchen refilling my water bottle hating being awake. I made my way back to bed. We’ve all had those nights of feeling every thing, you know the way the sheet is messed up at the bottom, the way that the person next to you breaths, every movement seems to be amplified. I resolved myself to being awake so at about 3am something I worked on my blog. I read a few others and was able to settle down a bit by 4 am.

I’m tired and sore today I’ve had some odd dreams and some good ones. I’ve tipped over twice once in the bathroom thank goodness the walls were close and I was sitting down, the other time I was sitting on the bed I tipped sideways so I was fine. Forwards might not have made me laugh. SPLAT!

I’ll not be wanting to remain on this drug for long. It’s addictive, not that anyone would give me more. Here’s a quandary I’ve hit the wall I need something new to do. I need to get out! My husband is in the middle of a project at church and heads there once he takes the kids to school. I’m alone with my dog. She has no real hobby, barking, biting people, sleeping. How do people do this? Back to my quandary for tonight I’m in pain and need a pill. I’m a wreck. The house needs to be cleaned, I can’t do it. Laundry got done today! Yea! I cooked dinner and climbed a step ladder and lifted something heavier than I should have.

The bright spots to my day are my children, and my sister. She sat next to me looked at my sock monkey PJ bottoms and asked how many days I’ve been in them. We both laughed. I’ve been washing them, honest. I take showers, brush my teeth, and put on clean apparel. Deodorant was forgotten today. Now aren’t you glad you didn’t stop by to see me?

I think I need a good cry though. I’ve earned it.
. . . .and from the way I smell right now a shower.
I’m going to take a shower cry and talk to God then take my happy pills and I hope sleep.

How was your day?

A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago:
Do not activate with wet hands.
(I haven't taken the pills yet. That is funny. . . right? )

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


I was alone, dressed in a red dress, in a large round room the floors were wood and perfect

I was unable to make out the walls, at times they seemed to be covered in heavy chocolate colored drapes and others with shelves of books, all from floor to ceiling.

I stood alone as if I knew, yet confused
As I waited for what was to come

I felt a presence. It frightened me yet calmed me.

I wanted to feel his arms around me I wanted to sink into him to feel his heart beat against my skin

It seemed an eternity for me to wait

Suddenly he was there he wrapped one arm around my waist then took my other hand in his holding my arm out as if to do an exotic dance then he tenderly took my hand to his heart.

I wanted to speak I wanted to ask are we to dance? I could not speak one word
He held me, we stood motionless for so very long. The room seemed to be moving yet we were so very still.

I could feel his eyes yet not see them I could feel his smile yet not see it. I felt the presence of his face yet I saw nothing.

I began to question his existence in my mind was it a dream?
Without warning he turned me grandly away as if he were a ballroom dancer

I stood so far away now yet so near

I waited for him to come to me

He didn’t

I put my hand out for him

He didn’t move

I waited then withdrew my hand

I felt hurt to be so rejected

I crossed my arms and began to cry like a child

He seemed not to care

The anger, pain, and hurt came with my tears

He put his hands in his pockets and looked at me.

A compromise, I thought, I take a step then you take a step

I took a step, he moved not one inch

I stood stunned

I reached for him as I cried harder

He took my hand in his hand

He put his other hand on my tear soaked face

I knew that I had to dance with him


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

That's my boy!

I’m the Momma so shut up and listen to the bragging. My son’s grades came in!

Yes! He scored! His grades were great.

He is in high pressure classes, you slip and you’re out.

He tested at an 11th grade level in the second month of school, the test is based on a national average. He’s in seventh grade and about to turn thirteen.

That’s my boy! He loves to read text books and has such a high moral standard. LOTR is out for him because he didn’t care for some of the things he read. I respect that.

My hopes for him is that he can stay on this path of learning and moral standards yet still have friends. It’s difficult for a guy like him to fit in. Church seems to be the only comfortable social setting he can relax at.

NASA here he comes!

Monday, September 18, 2006


Miss Shadow

How does God see us?

I was thinking about friends that I have, some I may never see face to face until I’m passing the Heavenly fruit salad. I began thinking about how we might think we look and I wondered if it really matters.

I don’t believe that God sees our faces.

He doesn’t see the scars from a childhood of running into tables. He only sees us on the inside. He only sees our souls. When we all get to Heaven Codepoke won’t ask "Where did that scar on you forehead come from?" It simply won’t be there. We won’t check our hair and look at what we are wearing and wonder if we look good enough. Our beauty will shine from God.

No I don’t think God sees our faces.

Hospital Blessings

Wednesday night my sister was waiting for us to come home from church she helped me get her bedding together and put the children to bed. The two of us sat up and talked until my husband came home, he and I packed for the hospital. At 5:45 am we checked in and began our wait. I was surprised at how quickly they moved me to a room. I was instructed to strip, put on a gown, and wait. I was given something to help with nausea and something to relax me. Relax was the word I thought I was soooo funny my husband kept laughing at me. Not with me. I knew it wasn’t funny I just couldn’t stop laughing at everything I said and thought. The lady who did my IV apparently thought it was Christmas and I was the inquisitive child under the tree. She used a ton of tape and it really hurt.

I was moved to another room. The people who push those things aren’t given lessons, I asked after we almost killed a pedestrian. They asked me several questions at the next station. It was a hallway of us about to go into the OR.

I kept talking to God about how I wanted everything to go and how great I needed this to be and if things went wrong that he would take care of everyone.

He agreed.

Once in the OR I was put on a narrow table then strapped down so that I wouldn’t fall. One of the surgeons stopped in and gave me a quick, it will all go well, and squeezed my hand then rushed out. The other I have known for more than eighteen years I have a huge amount of trust in her, she had permission to do what needed to be done and knew exactly what I wanted. That’s huge that’s important she had to be my advocate. When she came in she told me what was going to happen. She said she would step out then be back in when I was under. I watched as she filled out paperwork then all of a sudden she put the pen down and started talking about the ocean, beaches, drinks with rum in them she smiled as she turned walked over and took my hand firmly and held it she kept talking as the anesthesiologist pushed the stuff in.

When I woke I was in a whole other place. People I didn’t know kept talking to me. Once in a while they said "Breath" Finally a women said when you hear the beep I want you to take a deep breath . I have low blood pressure to begin with and putting me under brought it way down. I explained it to them and was sent to a room. A room in pediatrics, not my choice. The surgical floor was full.

The first nurse wasn’t very nice and I thought my family might take her down hard. Can’t a husband be concerned about his wife? Apparently not in this woman’s eyes. I tried to smooth it over by making jokes. I was also happy to never see her again.

I worked hard at teaching the nurses when I say I’m going to be sick please give me something, I mean it. I also said stuff like my doctor doesn’t want me to throw up so please give me stuff now.

My doctor was a wonderful blessing and gave me great news afterwards, everything looks good. She also took me off the pump so that I had to ask for pain pills and put me on real food. She looked horrified at the liquid diet they had me on. "No wonder you’re sick you need real food." I wanted Olive garden salad, I got hospital roast beef. I wonder if they have stock in jello? I was served it every meal breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I knew that I was blessed in so many ways but this brought the blessings to light.

Miss Littles and Little Mister came to visit. I was brought an Eeyore balloon he’s my favorite. My daughter told me about the gift shop her eyes lit up as she told me about the Crock flip flops. The girl loves to shoe shop.

My son asked about all the things hooked to me. He surveyed the room and relaxed in front of the television.

I was surprised to hear that Miss Littles had a melt down at bed time and wished that they had called me I might have been able to calm her a bit. My sister stayed awhile for her and spent the rest of the week spoiling her and bringing her to the hospital to visit.

Spoiling was good for both of them, she now sports an OSU cheerleading outfit and has gone to her first football game. Sis needed for one of my kids to like OSU, the other is an OU fan. That’s a big thing in Oklahoma. We cheer for Penn State in this house it’s safer at family gatherings.

I checked in on Thursday and left Saturday evening It’s grand to be home. My blood pressure was up by the time I left.

I am so blessed by family and friends and I felt those prayers.

Thank you.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Thank you

I was looking back at some of the nice things that you folks have written to me this morning because I want to take nice words with me so I’m putting together a journal. I’ll be able to write nurses names, phone calls, such so that I can send thank you notes.

I want to say thank you now and let you know that I will miss reading everyone’s thoughts. Don’t worry I’ll catch up. I’ll also be on pain killers.

Hmmm Milly might need to hold her opinions for a while. ;-}

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Our Focus

He sat quietly alone thinking about his betrayal. How could I have done such! His head spinning from the thought of the events about to happen. I did the unthinkable. I . . . he was like a brother to me. He was so loving. Dear God my unforgivable sin I can’t live on. I wish that I had never been born.

When they sat at the table He didn’t care who held the plate or who passed the wine His care was only of those around Him on this the last meal that they would share. Who were those who handed the bread and wine to Him? Is it important? At that moment, that moment of sharing, a remembrance of Him, giving His life for us, fulfilling a prophecy told before He came.

What was important?

How can I deny Him, my friend, my brother, my Lord?

When I began to write this it was to be about Judas and how much his story tugs at my heart. His story planned before he came. It seems so unfair to me. If his story was planned then what of ours? I want to read his story and see a happy ending. It brings me to tears for the pain that he felt. I realize that God knew his heart. He knew that when he was tempted he’d fall prey. I know about falling prey to temptations I do it every day. Brothers turning there backs on Him giving him away with a kiss.

A kiss that would hurt both hearts.

As I sat in church watching a disruption during communion over nothing really I wondered does He feel as if He once again has been sold for nothing. They stand on of the essence of scripture they say as they break what they say they believe. They betray and deny Him when they choose to disrupt that moment.

I wonder how many times we betray Him.

Arguments of should the bread be precut should it be so small should it be a cracker real wine fake wine. Can a woman pass communion?

I sometimes wonder if He wants to yell at our ridiculousness of it all.

We shouldn’t put our focus on who passed the plate or on the kind of wine and bread that we have. Our focus should be one, the empty cross and the love that He gave us.

Heart of Worship

Matt Redman

When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bringSomething that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,It's all about You, Jesus
King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

Monday, September 11, 2006

I am blessed

Sunday, September 10, 2006


Please pray for the little one who’s daddy thought it was alright to use her to help him shoplift. It was difficult to watch knowing what the kido was about to see.

Friday, September 08, 2006


I was all set to defend my femininity today. It’s taken a beating lately on a couple of sites. I had the women and men can be gentle and still change the starter on a 1967 Ford Mustang contention.

A man seems to me to be more manly when he is on the floor playing Barbie with his little girl then pulling an engin. I’m tired of the questioning of whether Christian men are manly and are the songs tough enough. As I said I was ready to post a picture of myself in a dress and go on about how I sew and stuff, how I’m working on making my daughters room a princess cowgirl room. I was going to say I have about twenty tubes of lip stick and I collect statues of Eeyore. He’s my favorite one.

Then I read Codepoke’s post. I stopped and looked around to find something to do because doing is good. I began cleaning out some boxes that I have yet to unpack. Yes it’s been months but the loss of my desk has hindered me a bit. I found some interesting things that show a some of who I am.

The things in the picture don’t define me, I define me.

I also found two obituaries one a brilliant aunt, she was trapped in her body in a cruel turn of events by ALS her wonderful ability to speak taken away. When she read Shakespeare the entire class sat silently enthraled. The other, my mother’s, she was taken so quickly without warning yet with, because God speaks to us and he spoke to mom and I before it happened. It says she had a unique way of making everyone feel loved and treasured. She did.

I found a book that my grandmother brought back from her many travels Michelangelo’s La Cappella Sistina. I want to see it some day, even in a book it can bring me to tears, in person I know I’d weep.

The people on the other side of the country can’t define who we are they don’t know us they only know a moment when we wish for peace when we talk of power tools. They only know what they perceive she’s a feminist so she must think. . . .

They don’t know that the little girl in yellow is my niece named after me. The other picture is my Miss Littles. The incredible love I have for my family isn’t known by the ones who are so quick to grasp at a word.

God has made Milly who Milly is, what I’ve been through and where I go He is with me and He is with you.

God Blesses us in so many ways.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Be Happy Today

Thursday promises to be a long day. So I just need an inspirational post.

We all face long trying moments in our lives some are harder than others.

We own ours it’s our moment and no one can change that but God.

So on this day I wish for you to find peace and hold fast to those things that get you through the moment.

Monday, September 04, 2006


Quirky snail by Miss Littles

Do you know who you are?

Do you see yourself as others see you?

Do you like who you are?

Now I’m sure that some are going to say I don’t care how others perceive me I am who I am and that’s that. I still want to answer these questions that I have always been plagued with.

Do I know who I am?

I am a child of God. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a women. I am a true friend. I am a teacher. I am a student. I am ME.

Do I see myself as others see me?

I see myself as a Christian women. I try to keep an attitude that lets the light within me shine. I fail at times.

Do I like who I am?

Some days I don’t and I know that it’s wrong not to like myself because I am of God. I believe that we all have days when we just aren’t good Christians. We have days when we stumble and fall. I have days when I love me I look at myself and laugh I rejoice in Gods creation of Milly.

May you have those days of rejoicing in who you are quirks and all ;-}

Saturday, September 02, 2006

We are formed by His hands

I don’t know where we are before we are here but I do believe we are somewhere.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

My daughter has talked about my mother and how she knew her before she came here how she rocked her. I’d like to think it so and not just overhearing us talk about how Mama loved rocking babies and how Miss Littles likes to be rocked.

I love pottery I have a few pieces one is from Crete it was given to me by my well traveled sister. Two are tourist pieces from New Mexico one I chose, my mom the other
Three are from a local artist two have lizards made of the clay in them the other was a pot that I had to have because it reminded me of my great aunt and her molasses cookies. She was known for them. I believe she had no recipe I wish she had taught me how to make them.

Each piece is different formed in different shapes painted and glazed differently. Imperfections and chips.

I had a conversation of sorts with a friend about who we are and where we are because of what we were. God puts us where we need to be. I don’t believe he ever wants us to suffer He knows we must in order to become a beautiful vessel.

How could we hold His word so dear to us if we weren’t shaped?

When you set it spinning you must put you hands around it. Gently yet firm as God does with us.

Your fingers make patterns each one unique to who you are because no one has your touch.

When you are finished forming the vessel you are ready to dry, you must find patience and wait.
Glazing even when using the same color we they are all different because each vessel different.
We wait again.

Then we come to the hardest step for the creation. Not all make it some will be cracked beyond repair. All will show how the treatment of the clay changed the lump before it found heat.
When it’s finished it’s misshapen, it has imperfections from the artist’s hands, it might have a crack from the heat. Tiny little scars and rough edges make each one unique. If it holds what God has put in it then it is the most beautiful vessel ever created.

We’ve had bumps and bruises, broken hearts and blunders. We’ve been damaged and yet we hold His word.

We are His beautiful creations.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Fridge Art

For those who are lacking in clutter on the fridge Miss Littles drew a quick duck for us. Please feel free to copy this one.

I hope your weekend is ducky!