Picture it:

April 2007, it’s Saturday and I’m at work. I have just been told that I can leave early if I want. I want! I had to be in at 6:00 am that means that my alarm went off at 4:20am. I have to look good for those early morning home improvement shoppers. I know you care about the extra effort I give to be pretty when your looking for power tools or purchasing enough insecticide to poison every bug this side of the Mississippi. I know that what is waiting for me is something that others only dream of. It’s so amazing that I still can’t believe it was here in my home a dream come true .I told everyone I could about how great my evening was going to be. I took the early out and headed home.

I arrived excited to see things being brought into the house. Ok so her car was parked a bit over and that made it a bit difficult to pull in to the garage but who cares this night was to be one of the best nights ever. I helped them in with the packages and gave a quick tour of my kitchen then realized my children were home. Why are you home? I asked. Plans were changed because of the cold weather but they assured me that they were leaving soon. My son wanted us to see the final results of his history movie so we delighted in the bad acting and the lame jokes. I then changed cloths and started to think about what I wanted to do first. I was relieved to see my wonderful children go with their aunt for the rest of the evening. I stared to watch a movie while a flourish of pots and pans and ingredients began to drowned out the sound of my movie. Who cares I am being cooked for. As I settled in thinking movie, then bath, then a nap until it’s ready I was asked to dash off to the store for baking powder that is once they decided that it was powder not soda that they needed. No big deal a quick in and out then back to the movie that was changed to music while I was gone. New plan play with new ring tones on my phone I could add a song just incase you call hmmmm Amarillo By Morning is on this thing but it’s the wrong version I’m a Chris LeDoux fan so never mind that one. I settle down on the sofa and think about taking that bath. I guess after I go to the store for bread because they’ve eaten half the loaf while cooking plus the olive bread isn’t rising. I arrive at the bakery to find that they have no olive bread so I purchase a baguet and cheese bread. I also grabbed an ice tea so as not to drink too much diet soda, something I need to give up.

Now that bath tub is calling to me. . . no that’s my husband’s ring tone. We forgot the ham and it must come from the natural foods market on 91st . I battle the traffic and head that way. Relax a good meal waits. I crank up the radio and talk to the gas gauge. I’m on red and still have several blocks to go.

I can’t find this place on the corner so I call. On the corner. On the corner. You can repeat it several times and still not make it so. Catty corner from. . . .south east . . .it closes soon . .It’s right there on the corner. . . . .Hurry . . . . I drilled them as to what things are around it and they were clueless. The strip mall . . . .Why on this earth do we have so darn many strip malls? Finally I give up on them and pull in to survey the land. There it is NOT on the corner. I rush in to find that the only ham they have is shaved and that won’t do. I’m asked to buy a pound of Sunday Bacon. I then look around, I have earned a treat, something that says thanks for giving up your bath to rush around for them. I purchase some energy tea. I’ll try it tomorrow. I now am in need of gas. I stopped to fill up then call them to be sure that they are set much to my relief they were. Ihave squeezed my car in and out of the garage five times. Thank goodness no one needs new paint.

I had to remind them to check the cake, it was a bit over cooked. I had to help grill the steaks and shrimp. Somewhere in the mix I folded laundry. I also did the dishes. Lots of dishes.

Watching a movie with friends -great fun.
Listening to your husband and a friend cook -funny
Cooking with friends- wonderful

A meal fit for a queen- who cares- it's about the love
Running all over town- a pain
Spending time on the sofa taking to a dear friend about religion and aging parents while your spouses look up tattoos on line.
Priceless.

I love my kitchen because of nights like that. I love my friends because he can sit with me and tell me about his mom and I can talk about my dad. Because I can talk about the way I believe and he can give me his opinion, a valued one. . . as our spouses think of ways to poke ink into their skin.

Ok so I’m raising this teenager. . .

and. . . .

Last night when I arrived home I noticed the playroom light on. I had two thoughts The light was forgotten or he’s still up.

He was still up and it’s almost eleven. I give him that Mom look and whisper in a loud angry tone to get to bed. I mumble about his dad not knowing as I make my way down the steps. When I reached the bottom I knew I wouldn’t have known myself.

I’m working nights a bit and haven’t seen much of the kids. I looked at the boy today and noticed that not only does he need a hair cut but a washing wouldn’t hurt. When asked how long it’s been he didn’t know. Ick! I wash my hair every day. I reminded him to use shampoo and rinse.

He’s thirteen
So why do the teens forget stuff like hygiene?

Springing

I don’t know if you have them in your area but the mourning doves are talking to each other today it sounds so awesome. The birds are singing and spring is about to bust out. I’m going outside now to play in the yard. Have a great day!

Shoeboxes!

I’m am not the best parent in the world. I know this for sure and today was a bitter reminder. My daughter needed a shoebox. I thought it was due Friday so no big deal I still had time to find one. NOOOO! It’s today mommy T O D A Y! And so we began to look for a box. I am in no way into shoes. I know it’s unnatural for a woman to only have a few pairs of shoes, I hate touching feet so I hate trying on shoes and to even send me into a shoe store grosses me to the max.

The hunting expedition began I looked in the downstairs closets, then ventured upstairs, I was shocked at what I found. My son’s room was littered with opened books and magazines. He had a couple of shirts draped over things, and I don’t want to know what made that noise from under his bed. The bathroom was sporting a dirty mirror and yesterday’s outfit on the floor along with plastic fish and lizards. The game room was a disaster, it looked as if Toys R Us threw up. Now for Miss Littles room stuffed animals were everywhere along with her jacket, a shirt, a dress, and several other things. My voice got louder with each room.


I need to explain that I am working nights and took on more hours this week.


I still can’t find a shoebox and we are running a bit late. I drop her off just in time, go home shower, and head out for this darn box. As I went from store to store I began to realize how much I have been dropping the ball on this kind of stuff. I tried to cheer myself up with "But Milly you did send juice boxes and napkins to school for this month’s birthday parties." At the shoe store they had only one to spare and it was gross. " I can’t seem to get it together this year. I forget about some of the things going on at the school. Now Milly you sent crackers" The dollar store didn’t have a box. "This is why people home school, shoe boxes!" "It’s the teacher’s fault" The office supply store didn’t have it, nor did Michael’s unless I wanted to pay almost ten dollars for a set of two. I did what I could only think of doing at that moment I called my husband, after all we are in this together. Now my husband isn’t always practical in his thinking. Call C. and see if she has one. I’d spend just as much in gas to get it from her, not to mention the time. She can bring one tomorrow when they come over. It’s due today. I then let loose about the rooms as he attempted to explain to me that his lunch was about to be eaten by someone else if I didn’t shut up. I did. The lady at the clothing store didn't feel right about giving me one because she gives them to a church and security would have to walk me out and we don’t want to ask them to do that. As I drove to Target I began to really doubt my parenting and her teaching. At Target they had a box for $6.99, a box, it’s a box. I decided to go back to one of the stores for the set of two because at least I could make use of one. As I walked out I decided to ask if they had a box that I could have. The girl looked at me turned and pulled out an empty box. I was so thankful, she might have thought I was a nut.


I quickly rushed to the school with the box of mommy love so that I wouldn’t suck quite as much at being a mommy. After making the loop twice because when it snows it means park however you want in Oklahoma. (It also means lanes what lanes? We don’t need no stink’n lanes on the highway) I wanted to just park in the handicap spot for a moment but upon observing the sheriff’s department car in front of the school and thinking that they are not in a good mood being that they have to do some rather difficult things. So to explain that I was in need of a moment of being a good mommy, I would have been holding a ticket for sure. I parked and went in. I heard whispering and could tell that in fact I’m not the worst parent ever. I brought the box to the class. The teacher smile and thanked me. Now yuo know I wanted to be good and just hug my kid and leave, I honestly did. I so wasn't. I said "You know these are hot comities, I went to several stores to get one." "She said you know any shoe box sized box would do the trick" Yes I thought, with darkness in my tone. Doesn’t she realize that we would have had to pay a hunk of money! Instead I smiled. I want you to know that the next words out of her mouth almost sent me over the edge, this my friends was sheer restraint on my part, she had the nerve to say it after what I had just been through, she said "It’s funny I have lot’s of them at home."


Now that is funny, that is make you rush around begging for them, touching gross stuff spilled in one, explain why you need it over and over again, freak out, slide in the snow, get stuck, trying to leave, make you want to have a melt down, eat chocolate, I need a nap. . . funny.


I still won’t home school because one day like this is worth moments like what I’m about to do. That’s right. . . take that nap.

...and the snow falls

Once again the world around me is covered in white.
My dog has spent the day barking at the birds who were looking for a crumb from the man in the house.
He thought of them when he arrived at the end of the bread.
She’s intrigued by the snow always moving bringing her prey drive up.
She’s barking at snow also.
The house holds only the two of us it’s quiet except for the washer and dryer and a bark here and there when she takes breaks from her naps to look out the window.
I love the snow it seems to cleanse the world around me with the purity of white.

Remember to feed the birds

Um. . . . . Hmmmmm........

Today when I arrived in font of my home the letter carrier was delivering my mail. I had a bit of trouble getting in to the garage but made it after the second try. I then slowly made my way to the mail box. Now I have to tell you that the ice is deep and hard so I’ve been using a shovel to keep me from sliding down onto my soft side. Not today my friend! I thought because my husband had cleared a bit of the ice from our driveway I could easily make it the rest of the way. Oh how I slid to the mail box. I was able to keep my feet down and my head up. I reached in and slid into the street. Holding the mail I was faced with a quandary, HOW ON EARTH AM I GETTING BACK UP? I checked to see if I still had my cell phone, I could call my husband to come out and get me. I looked around for America’s Stupidest Home Video, good I can’t see any cameras. Then I stood and pondered my move. I stepped up and slid back, I stepped up and slid back. I considered the possibilities of crawling my way up. Now that’s a pretty look Milly on her hands and knees sliding around. I must of spent about five minutes surveying the terrain. That’s it I’ll follow the path of my car and hope that my soft side doesn’t hit the ice. I slowly made my way into the garage soft side and pride in tact. Now with the snow on it’s way I’m left thinking that I might not want to check the mail for awhile.

I’m very thankful for my four wheel drive and wish that my husband’s van had it because he has been driving my car to work. God knows I love my kids but we have spent a week stuck in the house without fast food and church. I love to cook but one only eats what he wants and the other eats all the time, dishes and laundry day in and day out. It’s all left me wondering how my mom coped, I wish I could ask her. When I was living in the country and we had cold spells like this we lost power and water. The wood stove would keep us warm and we melted what was needed for toilets and stuff. We put what needed to stay cold outside on the porch. It’s been amusing to watch how city folks cope when faced with the prospects of power outages, they freak out. I just grab a flash light and a good book. I will say that the wood stove kept us very warm and most don’t have the luxury of those things, we don’t here in the city and I won’t use the fireplace until it’s been inspected.

I miss the country winters at times. I loved the sound of silence after a snow and the cracking of branches in the ice. A distant coyote howling the deer looking for food. The fun of the opossums eating out of the dog’s bowl and the birds thankful for the food we tossed out for them. The amazing smell of the wood burning stove and the pureness of the snow sticks in my heart. I think that winter has to be one of my favorite times of the year inconvenient is the ice but it gets us to slow down and for me I remember a quieter time.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Let it snow

By bed time last night it was freezing rain then sleet. I drove to work at 4:30 this morning so that I had plenty of time. I had fun at work we were just busy enough to keep me out of trouble. Important. I’ll post on that later.

The sneet was really coming down throughout the day. Sneet is snow and sleet.

Late afternoon it has turned to snow, lots of snow.

Tonight I’ll dress warmly and walk outside to take in the peaceful beauty.

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Tonight while having snuggle time with Miss Little, she demands it every night, I began to think about life and stuff.

I wondered how my cousin and his son are doing now that the girls have moved out. I began to think about how my marriage has outlasted some. I wonder if they will ever get over what she did. I thought about hot chocolate as we drank, would she have made it for them? Did she feel a loss today when the snow fell and the boys weren’t with them, perhaps the new man was there.

I thought about mom and how soon the date that I hate will come bringing a deep sorrow in my heart, something I still don’t understand. I should call my friend to comfort her, why can’t I dial that phone? Is it because it’s so close to that date and the snow as much as I love it, and yet a sadness in me. I loved sitting with mom watching it snow, the smell of the wood burning stove. Hot chocolate with marshmallow cream, she loved that stuff we’d find empty jars with only a spoon it them in the cupboard, after she was gone we made fudge and found one. It brought laughter to us when we felt like crying.

This mornings coldness made my heart ache for those without warmth.
My husband driving home worries me, I’m glad my sister is home safe from her trip.

Tonight I want to stand outside and scream, I won’t break the silence so the scream stays within.

I know that I’m blessed with more than I’m worthy I feel my sin I know it by name.