Friday, March 28, 2008

Tagged from Bob and Meg

What was I doing 10 years ago?
1. Trying to live without my mom
2. Preparing my son for kindergarten
3. Attending church without my husband and involved in a great class for women
4. I was self employed
5. Gee wizzzz that was ten years ago I'm not sure what else that ya'll might find interesting.

5 things on my to-do list today:
1. Laundry
2. Go to bed early
3. Spend quiet time with God
4. Tidy up the house
5. Worship slides if needed

Snacks I enjoy
1. Cashews
2. BBQ chips
3. Fresh fruit
4. Chocolate chip cookies
5. Crackers

Things I would do if I were a billionaire
1. Help Hope Harbor children’s home
2. Pave a friend's driveway
3. Help family and friends in need
4. Probably travel more & visit my blog friends (Sounds good to me Bob)
5. College for my children and niece

Five of my bad habits
1. Stress eating
2. Putting stuff that I don’t want to do off
3. Making jokes when things get to intense
4. Talking too much (One of two or ya know that already)
5. I have no other habits that are bad. ;-}

Five places I have lived
1. Tulsa Ok
2. Minnesota
3. Owasso Ok
4. Miami Ok
5. Broken Arrow Ok

I’m a true Okie

Five jobs I've had
1. Truck Stop waitress/ It was about the only place to work at fifteen
2. Puppeteer assistant
3. Meat Cutter in a steak house/ I was a vegetarian at the time.
4. In home therapist for autistic children/self employed with my own house keeping business
5. Home improvement store cashier/ that's right living the dream folks.

Four TV shows that I watch:
1. Men in Trees
2. Grey’s Anatomy
3. Top Chef
4. Project Runway

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Imitation of Life
2. Braveheart
3. Finding Nemo (My son's idea for me)
4. I’d like to see Juno again

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. San Francisco
2. Hanging out with blogger friends
3. I’m rather happy hanging out with my son tonight
4. In bed

Four places I have been:

1. Hawaii
2. San Francisco
3. Canada
4. New Mexico
. . . .But I’ve never been to Boston in the fall

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Steak
2. Baked potatoes
3. Pizza-brick oven from Zarino’s
4. Soup

Four people who e-mail me (regularly, and non-work related):
1. Kimbo
2. Shawn
3.My family
4. Several friends

Things that I am looking forward to this year:

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Have you ever prayed a prayer that you knew wouldn’t get the answer you wanted?

I’m sure you have if you’ve spent any time on your knees.

As I grow older I find myself asking for things that I’m sure I won’t get and yet I think I need. I want things to be different I want the people I love to be closer to me. I want my dad’s lungs to heal. Forget that the man smoked at an early age and it was a bit late when he finally gave it up.

I want
I want
I want

I need at times and I don’t always seem to get that or so I think.

Something is hurting me deep, I ask for a hardened heart. God has done it before so why not for me?

He just will not do it so I go on hurting. But hurt has it befits. We learn from the mistakes that lead us to pain.

When I was growing up we had a floor furnaces. My siblings and I learned a bit from this furnaces. Ok my brother and I taught mom a thing or two from them. Mark taught her that if you pee on it steam will rise. I showed how hard it is to clean puke out of the thing during a bout with the flue. God bless her. We all most likely learned by touch how hot it would get. I remember on cold mornings trying to hover over the thing to get warm and not get so close to get burned.

Burns hurt and they scar. I know that first hand, rather first leg. When I was young a hot pot of coffee was spilled onto my nylon pant wearing leg. Now those of you who know a bit about things that melt know what happens to nylon. I ended up with third degree burns. I don’t really have a scar on the outside but I did hold on to one for a while on the inside. I thought that the darker line would show and that everyone would see that I was scared. I know now that people have real scars that show and if they have the courage to show them then I shouldn’t worry about mine.

We could go our whole lives without a scar but it’s not the way God made us. I believe he wants us to feel pain. I think He hasn’t hardened my heart because He knows I need my heart. I need to feel the pain as it happens so that I can better deal with all of what life is going to give me. If you stuff it all away then when you find it you’ll most likely try to take it all at once. That’s a breakdown in the making.

Instead of a hardened heart He’s given me people at my church, friends with the wisdom of what I’m dealing with, family to cling to, my loving children, and a steady ground to stand on.

I thank God for unanswered prayers.

I thank God for wisdom beyond me.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Just wonder'n about the bunny

As it is almost Easter I want to know. . . . . .how do you eat your chocolate bunny?

Ears first?

Tail first?

Feet first?

Well how do you do it?

Click around on the bunny it's funny.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Thank you!

To those of you who have sent me gifts like a cross for me to carry in my pocket and socks to show off at work and warm my feet and cards and well wishes and prayer and tons of love I just want to say


Wednesday, March 12, 2008

How Do We Communion?

Is it to be a celebration or a mirthless occasion?

I’ve been told both.I started to think of that "Last Supper"What was the mood like?Could you feel a shift in the air?Did Jesus show any signs as to what was about to come?And as I often do I made it my ownI began to think of what it might be like walking into that home for that meal.Judas like a thief trying to hide what he had done. He stopped to look at his reflection in pool of water, he couldn’t help but see his treachery. Satan had been talking to him all along and now he has won. What was it inside him that made him give Jesus away for only a few pieces of silver? He tries to justify it as he walks in, look at Him always so perfect. He straitened himself and moved to his place.

Jesus washed their feet.

That’s a big thing.

Take the time to really read it, give it time to roll around in your mind.

Have you ever walked into a room to have a meal with your friends and been surprised by having your feet washed?

I haven't

I realize that some of you know how I feel about feet so you might think sure Milly thinks it’s huge she wouldn’t do it. You know I don’t know now. I really gave this some thought. He not only washed their feet he washed the feet of those who would hurt him later and He knew it. He told them.Now here’s the part where we are so set apart from Jesus. If those who were hurting me were about to have a meal I’d most likely not want to touch their dirty feet but if I did and I knew that they were going to betray me I’d have a bit of sarcasm in my tone when I spoke of some still being unclean. I might even smirk and look see if they might confess. I don’t believe that Jesus did such, it wasn’t in His heart. He knew that they were fulfilling the prophecy.When He told them at that meal what they were going to do only one wasn’t surprise, he had already set the wheels in motion.

I wonder if fear or anger gripped Judas?


What ever it was could it have been an emotion that he could hide?

A sociopath could hide it, I don’t think he was one.

The others might have sensed something in Judas except that Jesus was different that night. His words were cause for concern.Did they look at each other thinking "It has to be him not me"

I doubt the mood was the usual one of talk of the day and listening to Jesus teach.

This meal was different.

To celebrate or to mourn?

Still I don’t know.

Jesus gave His life for us for our sins His beautiful life. Jesus came to this earth knowing He’d go through all of it for us.Humbled for sure.Honored.Unworthy I don’t like thinking that because it almost feels like we don’t get it we don’t deserve Him and yet we don’t.So I have no real words for the feeling that I feel that I should have for this moment. I do know that at times I make that meal of the Lord about me. For me. How can I make it about what it should be when I can’t put a word on it? It’s almost like trying to say YHWH you have to let the air out to say it. You have to let your breath of life out to say YHWH and breathe in new air, new life.


It’s a moment of giving, Jesus gave to us so we should celebrate His gift of life to us through His death.I asked my son what he thought and being a wise young person who gives most things a bit of thought he said this about communion:

"All of God’s glory doesn't take place on the cross you need to focus on Jesus, on the examples He set for us."

"This Sunday I will focus on what a gift I am receiving from Jesus not just from the cross but in all of God's glory.

. . . .And so I had more thoughts.

I think I have a bit of an obsession with Judas. Actually after I posted on communion and had time to proof it a bit. I know I do that backwards but my time doesn’t always allow that. I sat back and realized that I have a bit of an obsession with Judas.Could it be that I feel sorry for this guy?

It was prophesied that he would do this he anguished over what he had doneJesus said that he would.

Did he do something that the weaker me might have done?

I’d like to think no way no how.

Was he possessed?

I wonder if he felt that he was always on the outside of the group.

Was he that tag along guy?

What makes a man betray his friend for a few pieces of silver?

Monday, March 10, 2008

Faith Incredible Faith

She was exhausted all the time. The pain was unbearable yet the worst was the shunning. Was it her illness that zapped her energy or the painful loneliness?She spent her days trapped in her home, a home that she had loved at one time it now was the prison walls that held her.She longed to be with people. Hugs, smiles, real smiles, not the passer by who fakes it she could see the pity in their eyes as the walked past her door. She longed to be touched by loving hands.Twelve years, twelve long agenizing years. She had seen all the healers and none of them helped her.

She wondered how much longer. . . . how much?

When she heard the talk of a great healer, of this Jesus, she knew that He was the one. He could heal her. She dressed as not to be recognized. Carefully making her way through the crowd her heart raced. Maybe just to see Him. I could possibly ask Him if I could get close enough. He will heal me she thought with all her heart. Her hand trembled as she reached through the crowd for Him. She touched His robe. Just a touch is all I needed she thought as she felt her body grow stronger.

At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, "Who touched my clothes?""You see the people crowding against you," his disciples answered, "and yet you can ask, 'Who touched me?' "But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

He knew before He turned who had touched Him, He freed her from the painful bondage of her illness. She was no longer unclean.

I can’t read this without falling in love with her. Her faith amazes me.She had lived in seclusion for twelve years. We all need our quiet moments at times but twelve years of life alone is maddening.

Her only hope must have been that the next painful cure would work until. . .Jesus.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Keep your dukes up.

I had a conversation with a man who told me from the get go that he’s a Christian. That was cool. He and I talked about our moms and how we miss them. At one point he said something about having my mom. . . he trailed off realizing what he had just said then he looked thoughtful and smile “Oh that’s right our moms are together in heaven now. “ He and I then began to talk of human nature to live. We fight to stay alive. Even when we know it’s the end we still fight knowing full well that heaven is grander than here.

God gave that to us.

It’s built into us by his hands.

My brother and I as almost all siblings had a fight or two. I remember the last time I nailed him and hard. It stopped him from trying to keep me from decking him. Mark wasn’t a sister hitter once he got past the young brat stage. So he wasn’t hitting me. I was hitting him. I’m a fighter I always have been and always will be. It seems that when I’m pushed down I fight harder to get up, as Mark knows. I’m thankful that we’ve grown out of those silly fights and now have each other to lean on. Yes he can actually lean on the top of my head. I’m strong because God gave me fight and fight I will when I’m called to do so.

If you’ve every truly choked on anything or almost drowned then you understand the fight.
It’s cool to me that God gave us that. He gave us fight so that when the doctor tells us we have a disease we pull ourselves up and fight.

Fight makes us better warriors. It makes us better parents, and friends. Most of all, It makes us better Christians we want to live and tell those around us how great our God is.

Keep up the good fight!

Sunday, March 02, 2008

S A T U R D AY Ahhhhhhhh! SUNDAY!

I had a rather long Saturday up at 4:25 am for work. Then Easter dress shopping with Miss Littles. For those of you who don’t have little girls, this is a big deal. For those of you who have eight year old little girls I wonder if you are thinking what I was. "What on earth has happened to the sweet little Easter dresses!?" We struggled to find a dress that didn’t scream "Hey sailor in town for long? or Here’s to you Mrs. Robinson." After a long process of trying on several preselected dresses, my sister had started shopping with Miss L. an hour before I clocked out, and was more than disappointed with the selection. Miss L. was all over some of the "Oh Heck No dresses" I’m soooo not hip and she let me know that she doesn’t want to be a baby anymore she wants to grow up. I’m all for it except grown ups don’t have to look like that either. It seems to be harder and harder to explain why I am opposed to things that make my daughter look like a streetwalker. I might kind of be hyperbolize’n a bit here but those were some kind of wrong dresses. We also had to shoe shop. I hate shoe shopping with a passion. No I am not the kind of woman who thinks spending a ton of cash on shoes is needed to survive. I don’t like to look or touch feet ever, except for little baby feet. I wash my hands after putting on my shoes or touching my feet. Other people trying on shoes icks me out and the thought that they put the shoes on that I was about to try on is a nightmare.

After dinner at the mall we then started looking for dress shoes. Apparently those pretty shoes to go with the pretty dresses aren’t "IN" because we traveled from store to store. On a whim my sis suggested the Disney store so off we trekked to the Mecca of Mickey. Thank goodness for the nice lady who was willing to climb up to the mannequin to check to see if the shoes were her size. I was a long day of shopping but well worth the trip. Next year I’ll have to yield to a more grown up dress. This year is mine white gloves and all.

By the time we got home from the shopping expedition it was late and all I wanted to do was shower and sleep instead I put the worship slides together.

Sunday morning was a flurry of rushing kids to church. Nothing different I wake them make breakfast get me looking ok wake the boy again remind him to brush stuff he never looks as if he has but I try not to argue because we need to go I remind Miss L to brush her hair and pack for the day I remind her again and again I find myself sitting in the car making sure I’ve brushed things and packed for the day.

This morning I made a point to sit in the front row at church. Do folks sit in your front row? I wanted to keep an eye on how the pictures look on the slides. It’s what I do and I think it’s rather important to be sure that they aren’t going to mess anyone up. Sometimes the backgrounds can be a bit much and we’ve adjusted the screens.

You know how you sometimes listen to something and other times hear it. Today I heard it! My minister nailed it and nailed good. This one was from God and loud. I shed a few tears and had goose bumps. If you listen to him this one will get you. Too bad you can’t see it because the visual was dead on. If you know who he is and want a copy let me know I’ll send you the DVD.
For those who might be wondering if I’m staying at my church the answer is yes. My son’s youth minister let me know that she can’t bear to see him go. He came home from John 3:16 mission charged up. One of the women who volunteers had some great things to say about his work with the mission. These are my brothers and sisters and they may have hurt me but I owe them grace and forgiveness. These are people who care and I need to be cared for.