Tonight I decided to go through a box that was labeled office. I still haven’t completely gone through all the stuff from the divorce, when I thought that we were going to have to move my sister went into a frenzy of packing. Needless to say I was stunned by all of the events going on… yes it was me who filed for divorce but I had lots of ground to do so. Life became about the divorce. Not a quickie . . . no. . . . he wanted to fight so we fought. The kids and I went to Disney World. My son fell and broke his hip, I had knee surgery, we healed and went on vacation to Alaska my sister was diagnosed with Alveolar soft part sarcoma. Then after a year lost the battle. Now I’m going through boxes of our lives.
Life has been a journey . . . as it always is . . . if you’re live’n it right
In this box are papers of a past life. Hotel room keys from that trip to Texas that made it clear to me.
Pictures drawn from Miss Littles hands... I found the purple me that I used for my picture in this blog. It felt like an old friend’s picture. I found writings from Codepoke because sometimes I didn’t have time to read it on the computer. Get well cards and I’m sorry for your loss. I had a birthday card from a high school friend, we still keep in touch. A copy of email addresses one friend now dead. Many lost to life’s new journeys
A lot of stuff that should have been tossed a long time ago.
We build these lives and little by little they began to change.
I know you’re looking at the things I’ve written and thinking HEY! They change as fast as your airbag comes at you. Yes they do that also. But the things that your day to day life misses is that the kids are growing up. They are moving forward. I’m happy for them. My son is a senior this year. Wow my little boy is turning into a man and I’m a bit sad but jumping for joy for him. Miss Littles is working on that grown up stuff but having a struggle with it. She’s still a bright spot in our lives, even when I’m listening to the new drama in her life.
I found my son’s press pass, a card that she made, and his medal from the Duke Talent search for outstanding ACT scores. A photo of my niece, yes she’s named after me. Life moving past and a lot of stuff to toss out.
It’s our world in a box with about 10 more to go.
Yiks!
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Baby Bird.
I love being off on Sundays.
I still get up early because I have to be at church.
This morning started of okay I did what I always do and so on, only as I was pulling out of my driveway I spotted a baby bird on my walkway. Poor little thing. It's rather far from it's home, I don't have any trees in the front yard. We pulled away hoping that the momma would take care of the little squawker.
After church the boy and I met my dad for lunch. It was nice to spent time with The Dad and seems to be doing well.
I expected to find the little lost bird dead when I pulled into the garage. I was wrong that little one is a trooper. It was clearly upset and very hungry. Still no mamma in sight. I waited to hear a distressed momma. I know if my babies were out of the nest I'd be squawking up a storm. No upset parent.
Animals are different from us. For what ever reason this bird has found it self in a predicament that is going to kill it.
I want to take the little one out of it misery but kept thinking what if I spot a mamma or daddy. I wanted to pick that bird up and take it in and take care of it. Baby birds need a lot of care and to be honest I can't do it.
So there outside is the strongest baby bird I have ever seen and I'm in here thinking of how God sees us as these baby birds with our mouths hanging open begging for more and more and more not at all worried about the sin that is lurking around the corner ready to gobble us up. The difference is that I am not God and just can't save this baby bird. the blessing is that God can save our ugly-cute squawking selves.
Thank you God for saving us.
I still get up early because I have to be at church.
This morning started of okay I did what I always do and so on, only as I was pulling out of my driveway I spotted a baby bird on my walkway. Poor little thing. It's rather far from it's home, I don't have any trees in the front yard. We pulled away hoping that the momma would take care of the little squawker.
After church the boy and I met my dad for lunch. It was nice to spent time with The Dad and seems to be doing well.
I expected to find the little lost bird dead when I pulled into the garage. I was wrong that little one is a trooper. It was clearly upset and very hungry. Still no mamma in sight. I waited to hear a distressed momma. I know if my babies were out of the nest I'd be squawking up a storm. No upset parent.
Animals are different from us. For what ever reason this bird has found it self in a predicament that is going to kill it.
I want to take the little one out of it misery but kept thinking what if I spot a mamma or daddy. I wanted to pick that bird up and take it in and take care of it. Baby birds need a lot of care and to be honest I can't do it.
So there outside is the strongest baby bird I have ever seen and I'm in here thinking of how God sees us as these baby birds with our mouths hanging open begging for more and more and more not at all worried about the sin that is lurking around the corner ready to gobble us up. The difference is that I am not God and just can't save this baby bird. the blessing is that God can save our ugly-cute squawking selves.
Thank you God for saving us.
Monday, December 06, 2010
A tugging has been in my heart
I wrote this last January and thought i'd republish it after reading Phillip's post from the Thinklings
It’s cold here in Oklahoma, as it has been in most places in the US. A few days ago the temperatures dropped to 16 and lower.
It is just plain cold outside.
When he walked in I knew. There was no question about it. That man is homeless. He stood tall in stature with a backpack hugging his back. I thought it must be a blessing to help keep the wind off his back.
I say that he was tall in stature but as he spoke to me half pleading he must have felt so small in standings.
He rubbed his hands together and blew a cold breath onto them. I wondered if he felt desperation. I wondered if he didn’t wish that his breath would somehow warm all of him.
He lowered his head as he spoke to me but looked at my face.
“No disrespect ma’am but it’s awful cold out there and” he looked to the door “I slept out in that last night.”
I must have looked shocked because what I said next just spilled out.
“Why didn’t you sleep in one of the missions like John 3:16?”
He looked back at me and replied “Missions were all full and as I was saying I mean no disrespect ma’am but I was wondering if I could just stand here to catch my breath.”
I replied “Yes you may.”
He stood to the side to warm up.
Where I work we aren’t allowed to let the homeless wander in the store. I couldn’t send him down for hot coffee. All that I could do was to allow him a warm place to stand for a moment. It’s not that I work for an uncaring company but I work in an area that has a lot of homeless people. Our customers don’t like being asked for money from those who don’t work. Most of the people that come into the store most likely donate to some form of charity so I know that they are caring people. I talk to them I know that one of my guys, who is always going to look to find me helps in a prison ministry and I have many other stories like his. But still we have to be responsible.
He thanked me and left before I was able to send someone for a cup of hot coffee for him.
This morning I was talking to my minister about the man and he said that he had spoken to other ministers about the same issue of overcrowded shelters and using our big empty church buildings for them. Some are open to it many aren’t.
The tugging of our hearts won’t end as long as people will huddle in the freezing temperatures.
Please pray for these men, women, and children
Matthew 25:34-38 (New International Version)
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?
It’s cold here in Oklahoma, as it has been in most places in the US. A few days ago the temperatures dropped to 16 and lower.
It is just plain cold outside.
When he walked in I knew. There was no question about it. That man is homeless. He stood tall in stature with a backpack hugging his back. I thought it must be a blessing to help keep the wind off his back.
I say that he was tall in stature but as he spoke to me half pleading he must have felt so small in standings.
He rubbed his hands together and blew a cold breath onto them. I wondered if he felt desperation. I wondered if he didn’t wish that his breath would somehow warm all of him.
He lowered his head as he spoke to me but looked at my face.
“No disrespect ma’am but it’s awful cold out there and” he looked to the door “I slept out in that last night.”
I must have looked shocked because what I said next just spilled out.
“Why didn’t you sleep in one of the missions like John 3:16?”
He looked back at me and replied “Missions were all full and as I was saying I mean no disrespect ma’am but I was wondering if I could just stand here to catch my breath.”
I replied “Yes you may.”
He stood to the side to warm up.
Where I work we aren’t allowed to let the homeless wander in the store. I couldn’t send him down for hot coffee. All that I could do was to allow him a warm place to stand for a moment. It’s not that I work for an uncaring company but I work in an area that has a lot of homeless people. Our customers don’t like being asked for money from those who don’t work. Most of the people that come into the store most likely donate to some form of charity so I know that they are caring people. I talk to them I know that one of my guys, who is always going to look to find me helps in a prison ministry and I have many other stories like his. But still we have to be responsible.
He thanked me and left before I was able to send someone for a cup of hot coffee for him.
This morning I was talking to my minister about the man and he said that he had spoken to other ministers about the same issue of overcrowded shelters and using our big empty church buildings for them. Some are open to it many aren’t.
The tugging of our hearts won’t end as long as people will huddle in the freezing temperatures.
Please pray for these men, women, and children
Matthew 25:34-38 (New International Version)
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Praying that the cancer goes away
CANCER
SUCKS!
So many of the people that I love seem to be touched in one way or another with cancer
Larry's wife-she faces chemo after having a baby
Deanne-cancer is back. The fight is on!
My sister-Sill fighting with a long road ahead
GOD-PRAYER-kICKING THE cancer's BUTT
SUCKS!
So many of the people that I love seem to be touched in one way or another with cancer
Larry's wife-she faces chemo after having a baby
Deanne-cancer is back. The fight is on!
My sister-Sill fighting with a long road ahead
GOD-PRAYER-kICKING THE cancer's BUTT
Friday, March 05, 2010
Wow after more than a year I am seeing the idea that God put into my head at my church.
Oh in no way can I take the credit even though I have been given it.
I’ll explain
Some time ago KB posted cardboard testimonies on his blog. (Correct me Bob if it wasn’t you)
I watched a couple of them on YouTube after that and was so taken by how so much can be conveyed in a so little words. So I had some knowledge of how it worked but hadn’t given it any thought in my church. God speaks to us in some awesome ways. I was at work when women approached me with a large stack of boxes as I rang her up I discovered and was invited to cardboard testimonies. I spoke to my minister about it and how I would like to see it happen at our church. He asked me to head it up. I agreed only my life became a soap opera, really look at this list from then to now:
FRIEND’S CANCER
DIVORCE
DAD’S HEART SURGERY
COURT
SON’S BROKEN HIP
MY KNEE SURGERY
COURT
ALASKA VACATION
SISTER WITH CANCER
SON’S PINS REMOVED
SISTER’S CANCER TREATMENTS
FRIEND BATTLING CANCER AGAIN
(Please pray for them)
As you can see from the list my life has been interesting
Still God is with me.
Cardboard testimonies is going to happen this Sunday!Wednesday night Greg announced that we were doing it and we got several responses. The one that I will forever hold in my heart is my daughter’s CANCER –other side- FIGHTING and a drawing of a fist. She has one about divorce also. I will most likely have to take it on stage for her, she tells me she’s shy.
I’m also putting large pieces of cardboard by the communion tables so that people can write what they have on their hearts. Greg was on the same page with me on hanging the cardboards around the church. And we all agreed on the music, without talking about it those of us involved had the same song in mind.
I love how God works!
If you're in town join us.
I’ll explain
Some time ago KB posted cardboard testimonies on his blog. (Correct me Bob if it wasn’t you)
I watched a couple of them on YouTube after that and was so taken by how so much can be conveyed in a so little words. So I had some knowledge of how it worked but hadn’t given it any thought in my church. God speaks to us in some awesome ways. I was at work when women approached me with a large stack of boxes as I rang her up I discovered and was invited to cardboard testimonies. I spoke to my minister about it and how I would like to see it happen at our church. He asked me to head it up. I agreed only my life became a soap opera, really look at this list from then to now:
FRIEND’S CANCER
DIVORCE
DAD’S HEART SURGERY
COURT
SON’S BROKEN HIP
MY KNEE SURGERY
COURT
ALASKA VACATION
SISTER WITH CANCER
SON’S PINS REMOVED
SISTER’S CANCER TREATMENTS
FRIEND BATTLING CANCER AGAIN
(Please pray for them)
As you can see from the list my life has been interesting
Still God is with me.
Cardboard testimonies is going to happen this Sunday!Wednesday night Greg announced that we were doing it and we got several responses. The one that I will forever hold in my heart is my daughter’s CANCER –other side- FIGHTING and a drawing of a fist. She has one about divorce also. I will most likely have to take it on stage for her, she tells me she’s shy.
I’m also putting large pieces of cardboard by the communion tables so that people can write what they have on their hearts. Greg was on the same page with me on hanging the cardboards around the church. And we all agreed on the music, without talking about it those of us involved had the same song in mind.
I love how God works!
If you're in town join us.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
She loved the earth
This is the time when I don’t love being here.
I can smell the flowers
I wish I knew why
I can see his heart breaking . . . so young
The scent of the flowers waft over me
She had a great life in front of her
Good friends
The yellow roses are stunning
The music seems to be dragging . . . I won’t want that
Are those lilies?
I can’t take them . . . they smell great but make me sick
The placement is wrong . . . I hate it
Who loves it?
They can almost touch the . . .
When did things go wrong?
Yes they are lilies. . . I hope they don’t make me sick
The lady next to me knows how they feel, sort of . . . she’s lost . . . a. . .
If my eyes start watering no one will know it’s the lilies
She loved the earth
I would have changed that background
I should have asked if they needed help
I should have gone upstairs
It’s fine no one cares about a background
Those are lovely words about her
The flowers are nice
He looks stunned
I want to hug him I want to hold him
I want to take the pain away . . . he’s a cool kid . . . always happy to see me
She must have known how special her little brother is. . yet. . .
I think the heat coming on is blowing the scent of the flowers to me
In the quiet of the night . . . the pain . . . sets forth the idea . . . of killing the pain
I remember the loss to suicide
I can smell the flowers
I wish I knew why
I can see his heart breaking . . . so young
The scent of the flowers waft over me
She had a great life in front of her
Good friends
The yellow roses are stunning
The music seems to be dragging . . . I won’t want that
Are those lilies?
I can’t take them . . . they smell great but make me sick
The placement is wrong . . . I hate it
Who loves it?
They can almost touch the . . .
When did things go wrong?
Yes they are lilies. . . I hope they don’t make me sick
The lady next to me knows how they feel, sort of . . . she’s lost . . . a. . .
If my eyes start watering no one will know it’s the lilies
She loved the earth
I would have changed that background
I should have asked if they needed help
I should have gone upstairs
It’s fine no one cares about a background
Those are lovely words about her
The flowers are nice
He looks stunned
I want to hug him I want to hold him
I want to take the pain away . . . he’s a cool kid . . . always happy to see me
She must have known how special her little brother is. . yet. . .
I think the heat coming on is blowing the scent of the flowers to me
In the quiet of the night . . . the pain . . . sets forth the idea . . . of killing the pain
I remember the loss to suicide
Sunday, January 10, 2010
A tugging has been in my heart
It’s cold here in Oklahoma, as it has been in most places in the US. A few days ago the temperatures dropped to 16 and lower.
It is just plain cold outside.
When he walked in I knew. There was no question about it. That man is homeless. He stood tall in stature with a backpack hugging his back. I thought it must be a blessing to help keep the wind off his back.
I say that he was tall in stature but as he spoke to me half pleading he must have felt so small in standings.
He rubbed his hands together and blew a cold breath onto them. I wondered if he felt desperation. I wondered if he didn’t wish that his breath would somehow warm all of him.
He lowered his head as he spoke to me but looked at my face.
“No disrespect ma’am but it’s awful cold out there and” he looked to the door “I slept out in that last night.”
I must have looked shocked because what I said next just spilled out.
“Why didn’t you sleep in one of the missions like John 3:16?”
He looked back at me and replied “Missions were all full and as I was saying I mean no disrespect ma’am but I was wondering if I could just stand here to catch my breath.”
I replied “Yes you may.”
He stood to the side to warm up.
Where I work we aren’t allowed to let the homeless wander in the store. I couldn’t send him down for hot coffee. All that I could do was to allow him a warm place to stand for a moment. It’s not that I work for an uncaring company but I work in an area that has a lot of homeless people. Our customers don’t like being asked for money from those who don’t work. Most of the people that come into the store most likely donate to some form of charity so I know that they are caring people. I talk to them I know that one of my guys, who is always going to look to find me helps in a prison ministry and I have many other stories like his. But still we have to be responsible.
He thanked me and left before I was able to send someone for a cup of hot coffee for him.
This morning I was talking to my minister about the man and he said that he had spoken to other ministers about the same issue of overcrowded shelters and using our big empty church buildings for them. Some are open to it many aren’t.
The tugging of our hearts won’t end as long as people will huddle in the freezing temperatures.
Please pray for these men, women, and children
Matthew 25:34-38 (New International Version)
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?
It is just plain cold outside.
When he walked in I knew. There was no question about it. That man is homeless. He stood tall in stature with a backpack hugging his back. I thought it must be a blessing to help keep the wind off his back.
I say that he was tall in stature but as he spoke to me half pleading he must have felt so small in standings.
He rubbed his hands together and blew a cold breath onto them. I wondered if he felt desperation. I wondered if he didn’t wish that his breath would somehow warm all of him.
He lowered his head as he spoke to me but looked at my face.
“No disrespect ma’am but it’s awful cold out there and” he looked to the door “I slept out in that last night.”
I must have looked shocked because what I said next just spilled out.
“Why didn’t you sleep in one of the missions like John 3:16?”
He looked back at me and replied “Missions were all full and as I was saying I mean no disrespect ma’am but I was wondering if I could just stand here to catch my breath.”
I replied “Yes you may.”
He stood to the side to warm up.
Where I work we aren’t allowed to let the homeless wander in the store. I couldn’t send him down for hot coffee. All that I could do was to allow him a warm place to stand for a moment. It’s not that I work for an uncaring company but I work in an area that has a lot of homeless people. Our customers don’t like being asked for money from those who don’t work. Most of the people that come into the store most likely donate to some form of charity so I know that they are caring people. I talk to them I know that one of my guys, who is always going to look to find me helps in a prison ministry and I have many other stories like his. But still we have to be responsible.
He thanked me and left before I was able to send someone for a cup of hot coffee for him.
This morning I was talking to my minister about the man and he said that he had spoken to other ministers about the same issue of overcrowded shelters and using our big empty church buildings for them. Some are open to it many aren’t.
The tugging of our hearts won’t end as long as people will huddle in the freezing temperatures.
Please pray for these men, women, and children
Matthew 25:34-38 (New International Version)
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?
Friday, November 27, 2009
Here YOU take the wheel. . .
A few weeks ago I felt like it was all closing in on me. I mean come on already with letting go of control. I want to move on. I want to live my life. He isn’t allowing it, he’s angry and for some reason can’t seem to move onto the “friend” to yell at and control and abuse. They are getting married so bug her not me. I’m not angry anymore, I’m relieved. I don’t wake in the morning wondering what he will complain about. I don’t wonder what new insult he will fling at me. I wake happy, ready to meet the new day. I’ve always been a happy person.
I’ve had a couple of bouts with depression. The first bout was when I decided to leave college and the man that I loved left to see the world and entertain as he traveled. I lost my friends and that man at the same time. I missed college, him, and learning. I threw myself into a horrible job and tried to save money so that I could go back to college. I pulled myself out of the funk and moved on with my life.
The second bout was while married. I pulled myself out by throwing myself into writing.
I’m happy. Even while living with a man who critiqued our lives in and out of the bedroom I was happy. I could see the blessings.
I now go to a divorce group to just talk and to listen. It’s helpful to hear ideas and get prospective from those who are going through the same things. I sat next to a woman who knew my pain and I know how she feels. I know that she too is going to hit that wall. I know that she is going to feel that she will never have control of her life because he won’t let her. We hugged and I tried to tell her that it will get better. It has for me. I gave him that control. I gave him control. I’m now working on not giving him my mood. I’m working on not letting him run my life. I’m not going to allow him to hurt me anymore.
God has, is, and will be a guide. I recently sat in my car feeling that I wasn’t going to be able to give my children much of a Christmas. That I will never be able to fix the things on the house that need work. As I sat in the garage HE began to talk to me. HE asked me to give HIM the control . . . and I did just that.
. . . and HE has blessed me with several wonderful things. Like the insurance company kicking in some money for my knee surgery because of the wonderful lady at the Doctor’s billing department going after them. HE sent many other wonderful ways this last week to let me know that HE is in control.
. . . can we put HIM in control every day?
. . .I’m learning and try’n.
The only person that can control me is the one that I allow the ONE that I need to put in control is GOD.
I’ve had a couple of bouts with depression. The first bout was when I decided to leave college and the man that I loved left to see the world and entertain as he traveled. I lost my friends and that man at the same time. I missed college, him, and learning. I threw myself into a horrible job and tried to save money so that I could go back to college. I pulled myself out of the funk and moved on with my life.
The second bout was while married. I pulled myself out by throwing myself into writing.
I’m happy. Even while living with a man who critiqued our lives in and out of the bedroom I was happy. I could see the blessings.
I now go to a divorce group to just talk and to listen. It’s helpful to hear ideas and get prospective from those who are going through the same things. I sat next to a woman who knew my pain and I know how she feels. I know that she too is going to hit that wall. I know that she is going to feel that she will never have control of her life because he won’t let her. We hugged and I tried to tell her that it will get better. It has for me. I gave him that control. I gave him control. I’m now working on not giving him my mood. I’m working on not letting him run my life. I’m not going to allow him to hurt me anymore.
God has, is, and will be a guide. I recently sat in my car feeling that I wasn’t going to be able to give my children much of a Christmas. That I will never be able to fix the things on the house that need work. As I sat in the garage HE began to talk to me. HE asked me to give HIM the control . . . and I did just that.
. . . and HE has blessed me with several wonderful things. Like the insurance company kicking in some money for my knee surgery because of the wonderful lady at the Doctor’s billing department going after them. HE sent many other wonderful ways this last week to let me know that HE is in control.
. . . can we put HIM in control every day?
. . .I’m learning and try’n.
The only person that can control me is the one that I allow the ONE that I need to put in control is GOD.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
#500
I wanted to try to do something really cool for number 500 actually it’s not the real number 500 because I’ve removed a few for different reasons but it says number 500 so we’ll call it that.
At this point in my life I’m fighting giants and praising God for the wins.
Do you ever think of yourselves as little David standing alone with nothing but a strap and a stone?
Have you ever found yourself looking at that giant?
We aren’t alone because we have God. But when I’m standing in front of that giant I find myself feeling weak sometimes. God knows when my hands shake and the panic comes. He knows when He needs to hand me a stone and a strap. I believe that if God had given David nothing that he could have defeated Goliath with only a puff of air. So I’ll let out a puff of air and say this prayer.
Ama naming nasa langit,
Sambahin nawa ang Pangalan Mo.
Ikaw nawa ang maghari sa amin,
Sundin nawa ang iyong kalooban
dito sa lupa tulad ng sa langit.
Bigyan mo kami ng pagkaing kailangan
nawa sa araw na ito;
At patawarin mo kami sa aming kasalanan,
Tulad ng aming pagpapatawad samga nagkasala sa amin
At huwag mo kaming iharap sa
mahigpit na pagsubok,
Kundi ilayo mo kami sa masama!
Sapagka't iyo ang kaharian at ang kapangyarihan
at ang kapurihan,
magpakailanman!
Amen
Not so cool in the way of pyro tech but a really cool prayer that Jesus gave us.
At this point in my life I’m fighting giants and praising God for the wins.
Do you ever think of yourselves as little David standing alone with nothing but a strap and a stone?
Have you ever found yourself looking at that giant?
We aren’t alone because we have God. But when I’m standing in front of that giant I find myself feeling weak sometimes. God knows when my hands shake and the panic comes. He knows when He needs to hand me a stone and a strap. I believe that if God had given David nothing that he could have defeated Goliath with only a puff of air. So I’ll let out a puff of air and say this prayer.
Ama naming nasa langit,
Sambahin nawa ang Pangalan Mo.
Ikaw nawa ang maghari sa amin,
Sundin nawa ang iyong kalooban
dito sa lupa tulad ng sa langit.
Bigyan mo kami ng pagkaing kailangan
nawa sa araw na ito;
At patawarin mo kami sa aming kasalanan,
Tulad ng aming pagpapatawad samga nagkasala sa amin
At huwag mo kaming iharap sa
mahigpit na pagsubok,
Kundi ilayo mo kami sa masama!
Sapagka't iyo ang kaharian at ang kapangyarihan
at ang kapurihan,
magpakailanman!
Amen
Not so cool in the way of pyro tech but a really cool prayer that Jesus gave us.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Pull it-Drag it-Hide from it. It just won't go away
Last night as I listened to a friend and gave advice I thought about how we hold on to our childhood mindsets without really realizing it.
That is until. . . .
Warning if you are anti same sex relationships then stop reading. I will hold my feeling about the issue and ask that you also do the same the post is about relationship and mind set not same sex ideas.
My friend is a nice young woman who is stable, generous, and dependable. She gave a friend a kidney knowing it would compromise her life, jobs, and hurt her financially. She holds down three jobs to support herself.
Last night we sat at the break table and talked about her new relationship and what was working and what wasn’t. As I listened to her talk I heard her say it wasn’t expectable to be gay growing up. There it is one of the reasons she has trouble relaxing into a relationship. She shook her head no but I pointed out what she had said. She grew up in a very religious family with parents who didn’t show affection at all to each other. Her mother was treated like a possession. No wonder she is having trouble in a relationship.
We were interrupted because she was on the clock and our boss called looking for her. It’s all good he loves us.
Get past how you feel about same sex relationships and think about how we drag our past into our now. Yes some of them get dragged. We know we have them in tow and we still take them with us knowing it’s going to wreck things. It’s like we can’t help ourselves. We clean out the closet and still place them in the keep pile.
Have you ever found yourself pulling it into your relationship? I'd bet you have. You may not even know it. My parents had a great relationship. They openly kissed and told each other I love you. I wanted that with my ex. We were open about kissing at times but not I love you. I had to say it first and then was crushed when he failed to say it back. It killed me to be the first every night to say I love you. I tried a few times to hold out and to see if he would say it first. He wouldn't and my heart was broken each night. He's say it after sex making it even worse. Guys we ladies want to hear it out of the bedroom not just in the bedroom.
Sometimes they hide inside our brains tucked up under that little end table that grandma had with a hand carved pineapple base. You are just hanging out with someone you love and WHAM your mom’s voice is coming out of your mouth. You find yourself saying “That’s how my dad did it.” BTW your loved one will and is allowed to make that snappy come back “If you know it’s the way he did it and its wrong then change it.” If only you could! I know my ex has said that to me and I have made the come back and nothing got changed.
I told my friend that she is right in getting therapy. I never finished my degree so I am not the expert on this one. I still try years of classes and blogging seems to make me feel like I should be able to speak up.
So how do I let go of all those relationship eating things? I have no idea today but I’ll know if I ever meet a man that makes me think about relationships that I'll need to shed myself of them. I have a feeling that they will still show up. I'll still have moments of distrust from being in a bad marriage. God bless the man that can take it in and help me through it day by day.
That is until. . . .
Warning if you are anti same sex relationships then stop reading. I will hold my feeling about the issue and ask that you also do the same the post is about relationship and mind set not same sex ideas.
My friend is a nice young woman who is stable, generous, and dependable. She gave a friend a kidney knowing it would compromise her life, jobs, and hurt her financially. She holds down three jobs to support herself.
Last night we sat at the break table and talked about her new relationship and what was working and what wasn’t. As I listened to her talk I heard her say it wasn’t expectable to be gay growing up. There it is one of the reasons she has trouble relaxing into a relationship. She shook her head no but I pointed out what she had said. She grew up in a very religious family with parents who didn’t show affection at all to each other. Her mother was treated like a possession. No wonder she is having trouble in a relationship.
We were interrupted because she was on the clock and our boss called looking for her. It’s all good he loves us.
Get past how you feel about same sex relationships and think about how we drag our past into our now. Yes some of them get dragged. We know we have them in tow and we still take them with us knowing it’s going to wreck things. It’s like we can’t help ourselves. We clean out the closet and still place them in the keep pile.
Have you ever found yourself pulling it into your relationship? I'd bet you have. You may not even know it. My parents had a great relationship. They openly kissed and told each other I love you. I wanted that with my ex. We were open about kissing at times but not I love you. I had to say it first and then was crushed when he failed to say it back. It killed me to be the first every night to say I love you. I tried a few times to hold out and to see if he would say it first. He wouldn't and my heart was broken each night. He's say it after sex making it even worse. Guys we ladies want to hear it out of the bedroom not just in the bedroom.
Sometimes they hide inside our brains tucked up under that little end table that grandma had with a hand carved pineapple base. You are just hanging out with someone you love and WHAM your mom’s voice is coming out of your mouth. You find yourself saying “That’s how my dad did it.” BTW your loved one will and is allowed to make that snappy come back “If you know it’s the way he did it and its wrong then change it.” If only you could! I know my ex has said that to me and I have made the come back and nothing got changed.
I told my friend that she is right in getting therapy. I never finished my degree so I am not the expert on this one. I still try years of classes and blogging seems to make me feel like I should be able to speak up.
So how do I let go of all those relationship eating things? I have no idea today but I’ll know if I ever meet a man that makes me think about relationships that I'll need to shed myself of them. I have a feeling that they will still show up. I'll still have moments of distrust from being in a bad marriage. God bless the man that can take it in and help me through it day by day.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
My sis and me
Here I am sitting in the hospital watching my big sis sleep.
It seems like a dream one really bad dream.
I thought I’d tell you a bit about her.
Memz is a single woman who worked hard to get where she is, but that’s only a small part of who she is.
Let’s start with something from childhood.
Thanks Jason for the reminder of those little moments.
We grew up sharing a room.
At night we’d play that game. If you shared a room you know the one. Ours went like this.
You turn off the light.
No you turn off the light
You were the last one in bed you turn it off
You’re closer, you turn it off
I’m asleep. (Fake snoring noises)
I’m asleep first (Fake snoring noises louder)
You are faking it
You are faking it
Am not
Are so
You are
Dad’s voice GIRLS!!!!!
Giggles
GIRLS!!!!
Shhhh turn off the light
You turn off the light
You turn off the light.
No you turn off the light
You were the last one in bed you turn it off
You’re closer, you turn it off
I’m asleep. (Fake snoring noises)
I’m asleep first (Fake snoring noises louder)
You are faking it
You are faking it
Am not
Are so
You are
THUMP THUMP THUMP Dad’s footsteps
(Whispers) Now you’ve done it
(Whispers) Not me you
Door is opened man with disapproving look turns off the light.
Girls giggle because they know that daddy loves them and smiled as he walked away.
I’m praying that the light stays on for years to come.
It seems like a dream one really bad dream.
I thought I’d tell you a bit about her.
Memz is a single woman who worked hard to get where she is, but that’s only a small part of who she is.
Let’s start with something from childhood.
Thanks Jason for the reminder of those little moments.
We grew up sharing a room.
At night we’d play that game. If you shared a room you know the one. Ours went like this.
You turn off the light.
No you turn off the light
You were the last one in bed you turn it off
You’re closer, you turn it off
I’m asleep. (Fake snoring noises)
I’m asleep first (Fake snoring noises louder)
You are faking it
You are faking it
Am not
Are so
You are
Dad’s voice GIRLS!!!!!
Giggles
GIRLS!!!!
Shhhh turn off the light
You turn off the light
You turn off the light.
No you turn off the light
You were the last one in bed you turn it off
You’re closer, you turn it off
I’m asleep. (Fake snoring noises)
I’m asleep first (Fake snoring noises louder)
You are faking it
You are faking it
Am not
Are so
You are
THUMP THUMP THUMP Dad’s footsteps
(Whispers) Now you’ve done it
(Whispers) Not me you
Door is opened man with disapproving look turns off the light.
Girls giggle because they know that daddy loves them and smiled as he walked away.
I’m praying that the light stays on for years to come.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Fear not! I'm afraid and proud of it!
Fear is a wondrous thing to me. If we actually own up to it we fear a lot of things. Some of those are rational fears some are irrational. The cool thing is that God knows us. He knew that we would have all kinds of fear.
The word fear is in the NIV Bible over three hundred times.
Everyone has thorns with their roses. Yes I think that strife and fear are on the same subject line. Not having enough money to pay the bills brings fear. Will the water get shut off? What about food for my children? If you’ve never had to worry about the basics in life then you’re blessed but not as blessed as those who have been hungry only to be fed. God has always seen that I be taken care of from a roof over my head to a meal when hungry. I learned more about how wonderful humans are when I lived on my own. I’m sure that the blessing will continue now that I’m single again.
Divorce brings fear.
I was afraid to stay with this man who told me how horrible it was to be with me. He let me know that I never met his expectations and he told me every day that we were together. He didn’t say it outright every day but he let me know by slamming a door or an object. I felt that he hated the very sight of this house it was his prison and that those of us inside held the keys to his freedom.
When he told me that he wouldn’t leave her for me I knew it was done. I still tried, after all twenty years of marriage doesn’t go gently into that good night. It yells, cries, and pounds its fists. It says things that hurt beyond repair.
I remember the moment that I knew I was done he chose to kiss the dog goodbye instead of me. The dog was once again put in front of me. At least it wasn’t her text messaging or a call. Many times we would be talking and that woman would have to hunt him down. Good grief it was as if she knew we were together. Her marriage was sinking so why not help mine go down with it. On my way to work I made the call to my sister-in-law and my brother to help me find a good attorney. My sis-in-law is an attorney and my brother is a lobbyist. My sis’n law listened to me tell my story. She understood and was just what I needed at that moment and many after.
Many times I would show up at church looking, as my friends have told me, beat down and as if the world was on my shoulders. I sat in the booth and cried. “G” just worked around me as if nothing were wrong once in awhile asking me to push a button or turn something on. Others hugged me giving words of encouragement. I didn’t tell anyone for a while, actually the news paper told a few. I was afraid to tell them and I was afraid to tell my children. I said something to the worship minister in front of my minister, I think it was about working out at an apartment workout room. My minister led me out of the room and confronted me about the divorce. He told me that he and his wife were sorry and if I need anything to please let them know. His wife found me where I usually hang out at on Wednesday nights. She related the same as the minister I told her that I was doing alright she cried and told me she wasn’t. My fears of telling people at church were gone. They loved me and would give me what I needed. support.
I was afraid about taking care of the house. I’m handy but not at everything. I was told this week that whatever help I needed was a phone call away.
Telling my children was hard Miss Littles was devastated and held me as she cried. God has sent us friends who understand and live right next door. They know too well. Miss Littles and her friend have spent the summer together. They are swimmer as we speak. I have a friend who gets all those fears and tries to solve them or at least listen. It’s good to have Christian friends next to us. I’ve been told by the Miss Little Friend several times that they are glad that we are Christians. So am I God has held me through all of this.
One friend has let me cry on his shoulder, so to speak, and has met a lady who makes his heart thump. I miss him but what a joy to know that we can be so devastated, so afraid, and then be given love and hope.
I think I may be ready to date again but that brings a whole new set of fears. After all I was told how I didn’t measure up every day for almost twenty years.
I learn from fear. At times I was afraid of being hit by him. I was afraid of how the judge was going to rule, I was afraid of my children falling apart, I was afraid of what people might think. I was afraid of lots of things and it seemed all the things around me. Then the morning came and the sun came in a beautiful new painting from God and it was a new day to wade through those fears.
I’ll write about feeling stupid some day, after all it wasn’t his first. It was, however, the last one I have to deal with in my marriage.
So if you are afraid know that you aren't alone. God has your back and I'm praying for you.
If you need to vent fear/fears you are welcome to do it here. You don’t have to say who you are. We (those who visit will spend time here.) will pray for you.
The word fear is in the NIV Bible over three hundred times.
Everyone has thorns with their roses. Yes I think that strife and fear are on the same subject line. Not having enough money to pay the bills brings fear. Will the water get shut off? What about food for my children? If you’ve never had to worry about the basics in life then you’re blessed but not as blessed as those who have been hungry only to be fed. God has always seen that I be taken care of from a roof over my head to a meal when hungry. I learned more about how wonderful humans are when I lived on my own. I’m sure that the blessing will continue now that I’m single again.
Divorce brings fear.
I was afraid to stay with this man who told me how horrible it was to be with me. He let me know that I never met his expectations and he told me every day that we were together. He didn’t say it outright every day but he let me know by slamming a door or an object. I felt that he hated the very sight of this house it was his prison and that those of us inside held the keys to his freedom.
When he told me that he wouldn’t leave her for me I knew it was done. I still tried, after all twenty years of marriage doesn’t go gently into that good night. It yells, cries, and pounds its fists. It says things that hurt beyond repair.
I remember the moment that I knew I was done he chose to kiss the dog goodbye instead of me. The dog was once again put in front of me. At least it wasn’t her text messaging or a call. Many times we would be talking and that woman would have to hunt him down. Good grief it was as if she knew we were together. Her marriage was sinking so why not help mine go down with it. On my way to work I made the call to my sister-in-law and my brother to help me find a good attorney. My sis-in-law is an attorney and my brother is a lobbyist. My sis’n law listened to me tell my story. She understood and was just what I needed at that moment and many after.
Many times I would show up at church looking, as my friends have told me, beat down and as if the world was on my shoulders. I sat in the booth and cried. “G” just worked around me as if nothing were wrong once in awhile asking me to push a button or turn something on. Others hugged me giving words of encouragement. I didn’t tell anyone for a while, actually the news paper told a few. I was afraid to tell them and I was afraid to tell my children. I said something to the worship minister in front of my minister, I think it was about working out at an apartment workout room. My minister led me out of the room and confronted me about the divorce. He told me that he and his wife were sorry and if I need anything to please let them know. His wife found me where I usually hang out at on Wednesday nights. She related the same as the minister I told her that I was doing alright she cried and told me she wasn’t. My fears of telling people at church were gone. They loved me and would give me what I needed. support.
I was afraid about taking care of the house. I’m handy but not at everything. I was told this week that whatever help I needed was a phone call away.
Telling my children was hard Miss Littles was devastated and held me as she cried. God has sent us friends who understand and live right next door. They know too well. Miss Littles and her friend have spent the summer together. They are swimmer as we speak. I have a friend who gets all those fears and tries to solve them or at least listen. It’s good to have Christian friends next to us. I’ve been told by the Miss Little Friend several times that they are glad that we are Christians. So am I God has held me through all of this.
One friend has let me cry on his shoulder, so to speak, and has met a lady who makes his heart thump. I miss him but what a joy to know that we can be so devastated, so afraid, and then be given love and hope.
I think I may be ready to date again but that brings a whole new set of fears. After all I was told how I didn’t measure up every day for almost twenty years.
I learn from fear. At times I was afraid of being hit by him. I was afraid of how the judge was going to rule, I was afraid of my children falling apart, I was afraid of what people might think. I was afraid of lots of things and it seemed all the things around me. Then the morning came and the sun came in a beautiful new painting from God and it was a new day to wade through those fears.
I’ll write about feeling stupid some day, after all it wasn’t his first. It was, however, the last one I have to deal with in my marriage.
So if you are afraid know that you aren't alone. God has your back and I'm praying for you.
If you need to vent fear/fears you are welcome to do it here. You don’t have to say who you are. We (those who visit will spend time here.) will pray for you.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Face it
Last weekend my dad threw another fish fry. I’m not sure how many people were there but I guesstamated at around 50. Many were faces that I hadn’t seen in years several I didn’t know.
Faces are awesome and a blessing from God.
When my cousin, a professional wildlife photographer, said he wanted his wife and I to pose together she asked if he would remove the wrinkles.
I looked over at Miss M. and smiled.
Look at that face and those hands.
Hands that feed children who wanted to grow up too fast or needed love.
Hands that taught them how to cook a meal for children to come.
I wonder how many young people went home and proudly showed a parent that they could cook and clean.
Look at her face, I know I did when I ran away from home that one and only time. . .all that way up the hill for love, a coke, and candy then to be sent home.
How many children did that sweet smile comfort when they felt lost?
I look at that face and hold those hands and feel blessed.
No, I won’t be doing much to stop the lines from my face that God had blessed me with.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Don't worry be happy
Cool quote from a third grader:
This one is sure makes one that I overheard a third grader say. Pregnant women can’t drive.
I had no idea did you?
I may have missed a bit of it because they didn’t use a sound system.
It’s not what we did in the past, it’s not what we will do in the future, it’s what comes from within.
A nice bit of awesomeness today!
***Keep reading**********************I have more to say***
Luke 12:22-34 (Today's New International Version)
Do Not Worry 22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
27 "Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
32 "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
I needed to hear this one today.
It’s cool how God rolls like that. I opened an email and there it is Don’t worry be happy.
The rain is tapping on the window I have music playing softly. I have to be at Miss Littles’ school soon but for now God is whispering to me Do not be afraid.
This one is sure makes one that I overheard a third grader say. Pregnant women can’t drive.
I had no idea did you?
I may have missed a bit of it because they didn’t use a sound system.
It’s not what we did in the past, it’s not what we will do in the future, it’s what comes from within.
A nice bit of awesomeness today!
***Keep reading**********************I have more to say***
Luke 12:22-34 (Today's New International Version)
Do Not Worry 22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
27 "Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
32 "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
I needed to hear this one today.
It’s cool how God rolls like that. I opened an email and there it is Don’t worry be happy.
The rain is tapping on the window I have music playing softly. I have to be at Miss Littles’ school soon but for now God is whispering to me Do not be afraid.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Life is good today and the sun came out to play.
I have laundry to tackle, and a house to clean, and the car is a disaster
But life is good
Yesterday the news wasn’t so bad from my son’s surgeon and we are cautiously optimistic
I took the ladies to Michaels last night to make mother’s day projects
One of Miss Littles friends is over for tea fun
One former friend wants to play with them but she was ugly to Miss Littles so the ladies told her they wouldn’t play with her anymore. Setting the differences aside my daughter invited her to play so giggles makeovers on the porch. What a great thing to do. Miss Littles has shown a lot of love for people by taking each day as a new.
On a very down side one of my guys, a regular customer, needs prayers. His wife has three kids of cancer and isn’t taking chemo well. He’s not feeling well and is showing signs of stress. One of the things he has can be caused by stress, it happened to me
But life is good
Yesterday the news wasn’t so bad from my son’s surgeon and we are cautiously optimistic
I took the ladies to Michaels last night to make mother’s day projects
One of Miss Littles friends is over for tea fun
One former friend wants to play with them but she was ugly to Miss Littles so the ladies told her they wouldn’t play with her anymore. Setting the differences aside my daughter invited her to play so giggles makeovers on the porch. What a great thing to do. Miss Littles has shown a lot of love for people by taking each day as a new.
On a very down side one of my guys, a regular customer, needs prayers. His wife has three kids of cancer and isn’t taking chemo well. He’s not feeling well and is showing signs of stress. One of the things he has can be caused by stress, it happened to me
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Quote for life
Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.
Louis L'Amour
It takes a lot from those who are involved. I'm working on myself and my children. When we hit a wall or find a problem I ask "How could (I) you have handled that situation better.
We are learning to change or mindsets. We still mishandle situations but we are trying.
Louis L'Amour
It takes a lot from those who are involved. I'm working on myself and my children. When we hit a wall or find a problem I ask "How could (I) you have handled that situation better.
We are learning to change or mindsets. We still mishandle situations but we are trying.
Monday, April 13, 2009
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