Tonight I was talking to a male co-worker about flirting. I flirt, I do, I refuse to add a lie to my list of sins so I admit it. Plus people see me.
Now there are differences between giggling at a joke and saying suggestive things I don’t do that.
Here is what made me realize I need to be a bit more careful.
It was very early in the morning at work, as most know I work in home improvement so most of our early shoppers are male. As I said I was at work a nice looking guy came through we chatted a bit as he was checking out. He almost forget to take his bag, I said "If you had left it you would have had to come back to see me." With a smile on my face. He said "I wouldn’t mind that" smiling back. Now I know you’re thinking Oh no she’s married and this guy. . . Nope not this guy. He left then came back in blushing. He apologized for flirting with me. I apologized for starting it. That was a nice thing to do coming back in.
The other day a guy turned from the line he was in and winked big time at me, I looked around to be sure it was me. I’m not sure if I’ve seen him ever before, I get to see so many men at work. Some want hugs, I’ve had husbands slip an arm around me while we talked, in front of wives. Men have tried to tip me, they dance with me, we yell, we joke, they take my hand it’s all in fun. Believe it or not the bonding with the customer is important, they come back and when they have a problem they come to you. That’s good for my job and for the company.
I worked in truck stops for years so I’ve heard a lot of stuff. I blush sometimes and walk away from some guys but I can take a lot of them without being offended.
I posed this question to two of my friends, they happen to be married to each other. I asked them when they were apart so as not to have the answers tainted.
The wife said flirting is fine because she knows me and that’s how I am, it’s harmless.
The husband said No flirting is wrong.
I still am a bit of a flirt. I try to be careful now.
11 comments:
Milly,
Life is a little ironic. My wife is hit on a lot and I could care less. Every night I go home to her and that is awesome.
It bothers her terribly. 'Don't these people know I am married?' Indeed!
I usually respond 'don't you know how irresitable you are?'. To which I get a furrowed brow and a little poubt. I find it wonderfully amusing, she, on the other hand doesn't.
As hard as it is with me, because I love banter, I try to avoid person-to-person flirting. My problem is simple: I never want my wife to have any thoughts that anyone else compares to her.
It sounds silly, but when I tell her that I have a long night at work and I won't be home 'til the wee hours. I don't want her worried that there is anyone else. She is it, she is it for life, and life is good.
Just a thought. I hope you succeed in your efforts to cap your flirting (save it for the blogs).
God Bless
-Doug
Well, Mil-Gurl. I can honestly say that I am not shocked at your flirtatious ways. It comes across even in text form.
But since you brought it up, I do have some thoughts. ;-)
I believe the first step to figuring out if you are crossing a line is to try to picture Jesus doing or saying what you do or say. If you don't believe He would, then what you do or say falls under the catagory of impropriety. And that ain't good.
Another thing you need to factor in is that many of the guys who come in are not going to be Christians. And even if they are, they are still men who have typical male tendencies. (If I have to explain this one I will...but I believe you understand.) So the question must be asked: Is HOW you are doing and saying the things you do and say causing them to sin in their hearts in any way.
I don't believe that we, as Christians, should be stumbling blocks to those in the world. And flirting, in my opinion, is one of the things that causes a guy heart, mind, and emotions, to go where he doesn't want to go. Flirting is a form of tempting. And how is that good.
I, as a man, would say that flirting is more dangerous than dressing without propriety. Flirting causes a guy to think he has a chance with a girl, even if, as in the case with Christian men, he knows he doesn't want that chance.
I understand why you consider flirting just innocent fun, harmless really. But you are not a man and cannot grasp what goes on in a man's head, heart, and emotions when, if our guard is down, a pretty girl flirts. And it is much worse for non-Christian men because they aren't even trying to stay pure.
Anyway, those are my thoughts.
Hot topic alert! Hot topic alert!
My personal opinion is that flirting, in and of itself, isn't wrong... but it is a touchy subject. For the record, I, too, am a flirt (Couldn't tell, could 'ya?). Here's the two things that I boil my flirting down to:
1) What is my motivation?
2) Would I do the same thing if Ali were right there with me?
If the answer to 2) is "No", then it is right out... no further thought is needed.
Number 1) can be tricky to diagnose. Is my motivation to draw attention to myself? Or is it to make the other person more comfortable so they will open up?
There are times when I know I've crossed the line and had to apologize and back off. There have also been times that I've been able to share the gospel with a co-worker because they feel more comfortable. (I'm not saying that the ends justify the means, per se, I'm just trying to illustrate a bit of the difference in motivation.)
I also talk a lot about Ali and my girls to avoid any mis-interpretation of my words.
Anyway, I think this is one of those gray areas where one needs to be careful. DK, makes a great point from a male perspective on the receiving end of the flirtatious behavior.
Oh well, I probably succeeded in muddying up the waters... Again, my opinion: flirting is not in and of itself wrong, but it can be dangerous for both the flirter and the flirtee.
The key thing is to know yourself and know your audience and if your conscience is pricked (as you stated) back away and re-evaluate!
Well, said, byevad.
I especially like 2 things that are worth repeating.
The first is that we must always talk about our wives to avoid any misinterpretation.
The second is "DK, makes a great point..." That just has a wonderful ring to it, doesn't it? Can't hear it enough. Nope.
(heh-heh)
DK, please don't tell me that I'm the first one to say that you've made a good point... since your 2nd grade teacher gave you the same compliment after you sharpened your pencil!
Doh!
OUCH!!!
I wish that were true, mate. But no one would let me touch pencil sharpeners (or any other sharp object, for that matter!) until I was well into High School.
Milly -
I guess I will give you my perspective as the wife of a flirtatious man.
Jedi Dad is a mama's boy. I originally dated him because he was so complimentary to the ladies, if ya know what I mean. (I don't really mean anything special)
His intent, in the beginning, was exactly what you would think the intent of a teenage boy would be. If you stopped me there, I would tell you that flirtation is only a tool of Satan.
However, I know from generational evidence (fancy word for kin) that this is also a trait that is deeply imbedded into his personality. It is how he shows respect, love and admiration to the women in his life. And it effectively makes us feel those things. His motivation for it is different than I originally suspected.
On the otherhand, he hates it when I flirt.
Double standard? Absolutely. I'm beginning to see, thanks to these fine gentlemen, that it might be rightly so.
A few years ago on Jay Leno's show, he was talking to some actress or another about driving on the freeway. How when someone lets him (or any man) into their lane on the expressway, he gives the guy gives a little wave of thanks. And the other guy will wave back. But, said Jay, women will neither wave nor wave back. Why is that? Jay asked.
"Because," said the actress, "if a woman waves at a man on the expressway, he thinks she's hot for him and he follows her home!"
The point is, what to you may be a pointless flirtation may be perceived differently on the receiving end.
Chip,
In Oklahoma it's a courtesy if not a necessity to give the wave of thanks regardless of who you are. Just like pulling over for a funeral procession, that’s what we do.
And that brings up a point for the next post on being a flirt. :-}
Thanks for stopping in and we hope you’ll stay.
The dictionary definition:
to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.
Like Byevad, I think that we should weigh our motives. For some flirting can be innocent fun but for others it can be a manifestation of something deeper. Guess there isn't a right or wrong on this one ... and I am not flirting on this one :)
Milly,
I want to chime in again. Flirting is way wrong if you are providing a stumbling block for a brother or sister... or your spouse.
God Bless
Doug
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