Thursday, August 31, 2006

HE thinks/SHE thinks too much

Our Brother Codepoke in a wonderful description of his tennis playing said this:

"The third set started on my serve again. I had just finished losing two service games in a row, but I managed to successfully mentally reset. How much of that was because a pretty girl started watching the match, I'll never know. She was there for 4 games, watching everyone. I don't know why that settles my mind the way it does, but we won those 4 games, and started the third set up 4-0.Somehow, imagining that someone is watching me allows me to quit thinking about myself and start thinking about the job at hand. I don't know why that is, but it surely is."

I couldn’t stop thinking about this.

How different men and women are.

I imagined myself playing tennis then realizing a hansom man was watching me, I know what I would have done.

Picture Milly in a crisp white tennis outfit her racket matching the piping on her shirt. Her shoes clean and white. She is in a sun visor and looks good.

Here is what Milly would be thinking:

Hmm he’s nice to look at I should smile right before I serve. There I smiled. Don’t miss the ball. Is he watching? Darn I missed. Focus! He saw me miss. I wonder if he’s watching me walk back to the line? Can he see that huge bruise? I hope I didn’t miss a spot when I shaved. Hit the ball, run, I look stupid when I run. Yea! she missed. Now he’s looking at me. I need to spit, will he notice me spitting? It’s sports everyone spits. Nice. . . it was a drool. Was he even looking at me? He’s looking at her. Make a good shot then he’ll look at me. *&flop%$#@ Milly bits the dust. I’m ok just a little blood no big deal. Yep men like women who can fall with that amount of grace. I looked like a gazelle flying through the air right before I slammed into the ground like a large puffin. Milly looks at the man as she limps off to wipe the blood. He forces a smile. He smiled at me!

So maybe not all women are like I am but that’s what might have happened. I think about stuff like how I look when I’m doing things. I practiced sitting, eating, even talking. Women change outfits a zillian times because we think: Do I look fat? Is this to low cut? I should shave. Too much make up? Not enough make up? We have to worry about our hair! Our panty hose NEVER fit right! Bra straps show. As we age things saggggg! Chipped nails, shoes that hurt, jewelry, just the right amount of perfume because it’s a fine line. Don’t get me started on eating on a date!

You men make sure you're clean and you’ve shaved.

Why can’t we put our big girl panties on, our comfortable jeans, a shirt that won’t show stains from what we ate, ALL OF WHAT WE ORDERED!,and shoes that make us want to hold your hand and walk for a while in the cool fall breeze?

(Is this breeze mussing my hair too much or just right? Darn I tripped on nothing again.I'm such a clutz)


Danny Kaye said...

Mil-gurl, you are a trip-and-a-half! I cracked up.

It has always baffled me (and I assume it always will) why female units feel the need to focus so much on how you look when you do things, or even when you are not doing things.

Cotton-pickin', girl! Wear the comfy jeans and let your hair do what it wants! Slop just enough make-up on to do its job, and leave it at that. Guys would rather see the real you anyway. (Ask your hubby. I would bet he agrees with me. (But since I have no $$$ I won't actually make the bet...just in case he's one of the few who focuses on such things.)

And by the way. If you have to ask if it is "too low cut", then more than is. That, from a Christian man who wishes the female units would not look for the boundary line between what is going to make a guy struggle and what is not. Lean slightly to the conservative side. We will be grateful.

("it was drool"...That's awesome!)

Karen said...

Milly, thanks for the laugh!! Good writin'!
Love the drool.

I must be way older than you...I gave up...into the comfy jeans (although I do try to match my T-shirt to them!HA!) and my hair with a mind of its own! ;-)

Andreia said...

I read that whole thing and missed the part of Codepoke's head getting turned! OH MAN!

Milly, I have found that handsome men appear only when you are looking your worst. It is a law of the universe that the day you have a zit or bags under your eyes, is the day that the bank teller looks like a Greek god. or even worse, the day you ran into the guy you dumped in high school.

Oh well, what's a girl to do? I'm just SO happy to not be LOOKING!

Milly said...

I have HAIR! It will do what it wants given the chance and brother it ain’t always good. My man likes his woman with makeup. He’d like to see a dress before he dies. Good luck, maybe at the funeral.

As for zits I’ve stood in the restroom looking in the mirror wondering if my date could see one growing on my face. Then you have to decide what to do with it.

I’m not looking but I can see. ;-}