Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Stones

Several years ago, about twenty something, I was with my sister, we were at one of those Christian events where they sell stuff, I can’t remember what it was to be honest. We walked around looking at the things that people were selling you could hear bands and singers hoping to grab your attention so that you’d purchase there music and spread the word.

I need to point out that Milly wasn’t living it. I was in all the wrong places and I had quite a load of sin to manage, I wanted a change I just couldn’t put those sins down. I had built idols of sin piling up each one like a monument you see at the side of the road or out in the desert, piles of stones that only mean something to the one who piled them. I was addicted to it. See sin is enticing it pulls at you. . . eat this. . . look at that. . .drink me. . .feel this. I knew better each time I sinned. . .that makes it harder. “ You know better” the devil whispers in your ear “You’ll never be a good Christian girl. . .God doesn’t want you” he hisses. You pick up another stone and walk on forever disappointing your perfect Father, after all “He only wants the good girls not you", you tell yourself. The lie of you’ve done it once so it’s no big deal adds another stone to the pack that you carry.


I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed knowing that it wasn’t about love so no one should say it. I remember him saying that he had a bad dream that he lost me. I almost laughed, lost me you never had me. Instead I snuggled up closer and waited for our relationship to end. It had to. How could I keep bedding down with this evil.

I had to stop I had to shut it all out and try to stop. So I walked around a Christian event hoping for a way to stop picking up those darn stones, they are heavy and at times they seemed almost to cover me making it impossible for me to breathe. I tried to drink them away, the deceiver likes that idea, I found myself tied to them dragging me into a bottle of vodka.

I was just looking for a way to rest when I heard it a voice a whisper in my ear it said “Listen”. I stopped dead in my tracks and listened. The song she was singing was me. Everything it was my life. I heard a thud. My sister stopped and looked at me as she said “That’s you” I shook my head yes. She purchased the tape, seizing the moment.

I began to go to church - Thud
I stopped seeing those kind of men-Thud
I stopped drinking -Thud
I gave my heart to Jesus when I got in the water- THUD!

I still pick up those stones and I’d bet some of you have some.

Dear Lord help us to stop throwing stones at ourselves,
Help us to stop listening to the deceiver,
Help us to stop building stone idles of our sins.
Help us to see that the burden isn’t for us that we are forgiven,
That we are worthy

Lord help us to see that you are all in all and will take them from us

11 comments:

codepoke said...

Instead I snuggled up closer and waited for our relationship to end.

What a way of saying it. :`(

I stopped dead in my tracks and listened.

Amen, sister.

Help us to see that the burden isn’t for us that we are forgiven,
That we are worthy


Amen again, and again.

Praise the Lord, Milly. We praise the Lord in you. Our Deliverer is always standing by. Thank you for telling how He delivered you, and from how very much.

We love that you're here.

Kansas Bob said...

Riveting Milly, just riveting!

How is it going to get better than this if you start out with one of the best posts that I have ever read.

Thanks so much for sharing. I'm going to link to this one!

DugALug said...

Milly,

Wow Milly! This is the best post I've read all year (rofl).

This is so touching, I had to read it twice. Thanks for sharing this.

Our God is a lover of journeys, and praise the Lord that we all had real beginnings and that's God mercy and grace can turn things to beautiful endings.

God Bless
Doug

Laymond said...

Are you sure you are not one of them TV preachers Ha :) very good post.

Missy said...

Milly, I missed you in my "offline" holiday travels. Your posts always leave me feeling like I am sitting right next to you with a cup of joe, learning more about us both. My story is not yours, and yet, exactly yours at the same time. That is the strength behind fellowship and testimony. Thanks.

Karen said...

Milly Milly!!! I just got done telling KB that I don't cry enough.
I just cried.
You are certainly handing out those candles and matches. Thank you for this, and praise God for Milly!

Danny Kaye said...

Mil-Gurl! What did I tell you about the "tissues" warning at the beginning of these posts?

You know, it's true about us picking up those stones, even as "mature" Christians. But it was the part about "you know better" that makes this post soooo relatable to most Christians (or is it just me?).

Wonderfully written, Milly. You do know how to communicate emotions with text. Great way to start '07.

Laymond said...

Milly- The reason you are diffrent than most Christians, and I believe you are, is because you admit to being human, we should all confess we are human and therefore sinners more than we do.
and maybe even acknowledge we still struggle with our innerself. God has blessed you with words, use them.

Milly said...

Thanks folks

Sorry Danny I forgot to e ya.

Patchouli said...

What a wonderful way to start the new year--amazed and awed by grace and mercy.

byevad said...

Milly, what can I say that hasn't already been said? You have a gift with words and are able to draw people to your heart. Thanks for being open and vulnerable and for inspiring your brothers and sisters to cast aside our stones 'cause we "know better"...