Tuesday, October 03, 2006

What can we do?

Andreia asked a question and I agree that it’s a very important one.

I wonder what we can as mothers do to help our sons understand how important a woman's brain is in selecting companions/spouses? I will continue to work hard to convince my daughters that is one of their most important assets.

I will change this up a bit for you fathers.

What can you do to teach your sons or daughters?

My son isn’t ready for girls yet. I know because he tells me he isn’t. I’m glad because he’s on the edge of being a teenager. I know the day will come so I’m enjoying the phone silence for now.

My daughter is six thinking she’s sixteen she has an eye for the boys. I know that it will change soon, and boys will be icky.

So how do we teach our children to make better choices in dating?

Truth be told no one could get tell me who I could and couldn’t date. I had to make those mistakes.

I dated a bit, not an astronomical amount in my opinion, I learned how I wanted to be treated. I don’t want my children to meet a person and fall in love in high school. I know it works for some, I’ve seen it. I want them to live on their own for a while, independence is important. You have to learn responsibility and you need to know how to be with yourself.

A young woman needs to know that she can make it on her own, she needs to know that she has options, it’s for her own protection. I spoken with women who said I can’t get out. Cheating husbands and abuse. Teach them to make good choices and if things go badly how to leave.

A young man needs to be away from his mother’s apron and he needs to do things without a replacement.

How do we teach them to think and stand up for who they are?

How do we give them a sense of self?

We allow it before they leave us. From birth to the time they leave we encourage them. Not brag where it isn’t earned. We allow them to take steps of independence. I’m not very good at this I want to always protect my children letting them go on mission trips and camp without me has been a difficult journey.

We hold on to prayer.

We pray that our children make the right choices in relationships.

We raise our children in God’s hands.


L.E.Meredith said...

Milly I don't have your email and you asked about Larry, here is his email.

Milly said...

Thanks l.e.M

codepoke said...

Such a good post, and so little time! I'm sorry not to get here sooner.


Nothing goes unnoticed. Do you open the door for your wife and children? Do you give them first choice at the good cuts of meat? Do you change your mind and tune when your wife is right? Do you stand your ground when she's wrong? Do you argue decently when neither of you is sure who's right? Do they know that no other woman exists for you? Do you respect and second her public prayers, or do you need to expand and correct them?

My daughter dated some guys I did not respect at all. And yes, there are guys whom I can respect. These guys were losers, and I let her know that I liked the third one much better than the first two.

I probably handled it all wrong, but what I meant to do and should have done was simply let her see herself through my eyes. Then, let her see herself through my eyes with "him." Hopefully, she would decide that I was not completely blind, and begin to see herself the same way I do. If that happened, she would dump him forthwith.

Milly said...

let her see herself through my eyes.

What a great thing to say.

Maeghan said...

Hey Milly,
Great post! It is still a long way for me this respect. My son tells me time and again that he does not want a wife! I say to him, okay, okay, for now.

Karen said...

Great post, Milly! I have boys, and they respect women very much. I love it when they hear their dad say something that they know was the WRONG thing to say to me....they say, "ooh, Dad....see ya!" and they run off. It's a very funny time in our house! :-)
CP..."let her see herself through my eyes"..that's great. I bet God wishes we'd all see ourselves through His eyes as well!

DugALug said...


I have two girls, so this is a topic close to my heart. My wife and I have concluded that the best teacher is the living role model. To teach love and respect, you must live a life that embodies love and respect.

When I was growing up, there was little doubt that I was loved. My parents may argue amongst themselves, but my sister and I were, safe, protected, and again loved.

When I came to a personal relationship with Christ, it was easy to embrace Christ, because I could recognize love. The same was true with marriage. My wife and I have enjoyed almost 10 wonderful years of wedding bliss. This is one of the qualities that we wanted to pass on to our daughters.

My wife and I go out of our way to let our girls know that we love and respect not only them, but also each other.

It has been shown that many people's view of God is embodied in the person's view of their father. This puts a burden on me to follow in Christ's footsteps: so that my life may reflect the love that God has put into it.

Every now and then, I will tell my older daughter "Did I mention that I love you?" She we roll her eyes and respond "Yes dad, a million times!" then I will ask "Do you know why?" and she will say "Because you do!". She will then usually chuckle to herself and give me a hug. It is corny, but I want that message drilled home.

All of this to say, that one of the big reasons for doing this is so when they are in their teens, they won't need to look for love, acceptance, or understanding from those who lurk on young girls with insecurities. She won't need a boy to tell her she is beautiful, or smart, or talented: we've covered that.

The big difference between how my parents raised us, and how we want to raise ours is the focus: my parents showed us their love and conveyed that they were the defacto source of love while we have tried to show our Girls, God's love in addition to our own, and hopefully been the defacto spokespeople for His unending fountain of it.

God Bless

DugALug said...


By the way... I'll let you know how it turns out in twenty years or so. :)

God Bless