Sunday, October 01, 2006

I believe that most men want smart and capable women.

Do you?

It’s so strange to me that women are thought of as the delicate sex. If you take a look at history it doesn’t take long to see that the women worked very hard. A woman in the seventeen hundreds living on a farm would have been up before anyone else the daughters of the home would have joined her in her daily tasks of milking, feeding the live stock, carding wool, spinning, working the garden, preparing three meals a day, churning butter, sewing, cleaning, and so on. Fathers would have taught the sons to read, hunt, plow, and plant.

Weaker sex I think not.

Women are everywhere in the world doing all kinds of jobs and for some odd reason we are shocked when women can do things that are considered manly.

The Thinkligs had a question about a rod on a car and posed it to the men. I knew the answer to the question. Codepoke explained what happens when you throw a rod. He did a fine job of explaining it I should add. I knew some of what happens. I use to work on my own car and my sister’s car when I could. I asked questions and spent as much time as I could helping the person who was working on my car so I could learn.

When I live with Di I was seeing a man who flirted with her. After having enough of watching the guys drool all over my Barbie looking roommate (well she didn’t have the same body but you get the point) I asked what she had that I didn’t. (That was a good way to wham my ego.) He looked at me and said "You’re kidding right?" Look at her" I looked at him thinking "See ya" Here’s how he attempted to redeem himself. "I couldn’t talk to her after, I’d want to leave. With you I’d want to stay and talk" Now this wasn’t exactly the way to my heart but I appreciated the fact that he thought I was smarter then she was and I was also angry that he thought she was dumb. She wasn’t, she just played that way for most men. They ate it up. Her room looked like it should have a casket in it at times. Men sent flowers and gifts, men that she hadn’t seen in months out of the blue sent flowers. I would constantly open the door to find some guy looking hopeful that she was home. (Oh and no way would I ever sleep with a man who said that to me)
Living with Di was good for my intellectual ego not for my short girl ego.

What the heck is wrong with you guys?

Do you guys want a woman who can fix things around the house?
I’d rather fix it if I can so that I can spend time relaxing with you.

I do think that some of you want that tall, thin, blond, blue eyed, flirty woman who can’t do much of anything. We call them trophy wives. Will that last?

I’m glad my husband wanted the short, dark haired, brown eyed, sassy woman who can do things. We call that a practical choice.

And so ya know I’d never go for a dumb, incapable man, no matter how he looked.

Milly likes her men smart and hard working.


Kansas Bob said...

Ditto your thinkings for me Milly.

In 1994 I was suddenly single when my first wife died. After some time passed I remember striking up a conversation with a gal at church - she was 10 years younger than me. I became aware of something as we talked - I was attracted to her looks but really couldn't connect with her on an experiencial level ... we really didn't have much in common.

I think that mutual respect is at the heart of successful connections/relationships - we would all do well to examine our heart motives when we date/marry and look for a partner that we really like and respect at a heart level.

Blessings, KB

DugALug said...


Yup, you got the right idea. My wife is perfect for me, but in all fairness, I had to compromise nothing: she is smart, tall, funny, beautiful, a great wife and mom, and most of all, loves Jesus with her whole heart. With all of that going for her, she ended up with me... that just goes to show you: that's why they make yellow cars, blue cars, fast cars and big cars.

I would be a hypocrite to make a judgement here, but let me point this out:

If you have a complex about a particular atribute of yourself, and someone excells in that area. Do you like to stand next to them?

For many people with great insecurities, they feel that being with person who is superior in an area, challenges their entire being. The classic of this is height. My wife is 6' even. And she had a problem dating men who were too much shorter than her. She felt like it pointed out how, in her mind, awkardly tall she was. Can I fault her for this? Not really: she was at least honest enough to admit that, but I think about some of my great friends who were, under 5'10". Those are people she passed by because of her own insecurities. Her loss and my gain!

We all have predjudices and whether we know it or not, we make bad decisions as a result of them. Forturnately, we, as Christians, have a higher authority that we should fall back on to help up beyond ourself.

God Bless

codepoke said...

Neither gorgeous nor handy is the goal. It's someone who understands and then somehow still respects me.

And it's mildly terrifying that the census of people who might possibly meet that those paired criteria is so small.

Maybe if I quit talking in sentences like that last one. :-)

Milly said...

Please note I doubted that any of you men who visit here wanted to marry the trophy wife. They are fine for making the buddies green-eyed at some point, but not exactly the best for life.

And an add on to Di she is married with children. He’s a great guy who saw past what others couldn’t she is beautiful and talented. He looked like Ken. She never ever tried to make me feel insignificant and I never told her she wasn’t smart. Because she is smart.

Andreia said...

Hey Milly. I wonder what we can as mothers do to help our sons understand how important a woman's brain is in selecting companions/spouses? I will continue to work hard to convince my daughters that is one of their most important assets.

CP your comment totally supports the premise of the book I am reading called Love and Respect. I dont know if you have heard of it but the author suggest that men most want a woman's respect while a woman wants a man's love. Interesting read, no doubt and I must say the notion of unconditional respect for men as a biblical command as being revolutionary to me.

codepoke said...

I've never heard of the book, Andreia, but it has promise. I'll look forward to a review. :-)

One question I hope it can answer is around my view of divorce. I came to believe that disdain is the root of divorce, whether it is in the man or the woman. This book might say that the woman can provoke a divorce with disdain, but that the man might do so with a different mistake.


codepoke said...


You talked about the "weaker vessel."

I am growing more convinced that one difference between men and women is that women suffer more from abuse and men suffer more from loneliness. When women are abandoned they seem to bounce back and realize that they are better off anyway. Men, not so much.

I know a large number of women who suffer from autoimmune diseases like Fiber-Myalgia. The one thing the women I know have in common is a history of abuse in childhood and marriage. When men are abused in marriage, they are miserable, but their bodies don't fall apart.

If women are specifically weaker when abused, Peter's comment makes a lot of sense.

codepoke said...



I must say the notion of unconditional respect for men as a biblical command as being revolutionary to me.


The more I think about that word, the more it troubles me. I would certainly hope a wife would be optimistic toward her husband, and default toward respecting him, and see him as a good work in progress, and praise everything praise-worthy, but "unconditional" is too strong. The book probably balances this. Again, I will look forward to a review.

Milly said...

One difference between men and women is how we handle stress. If you are stressed you work on the car or play tennis. If we are stressed we stay awake at night we think it over. We worry it to death. It takes a lot out of us. Now I realize this is generalizations of men and women. Women are left in the house to take care of the children and the house while you work on the lawn. You work it out by the sweat on your brow.

My husband can go to bed while having a disagreement with me. I hear him snoring. That makes me crazy. He sleeps while I over think it all. I’m not alone in this. Friends have told me their husbands just leave the room in the middle of an argument. Honestly who’s ever had make up sex? Someone gives in to the argument or we just let go and move on. (That in no way sounds healthy, it’s honest rarely does someone say “Well I’ll be you are right, Sorry let’s make up )

codepoke said...


Now I realize this is generalizations of men and women.

Yeah. Probably a pretty sound generalization, but not one that I can identify with. I'm an over-thinker who starts thinking way crazy thoughts when the silence sets in. I'm not exactly the statistical norm in a lot of ways, though.

I will mention that people who are naturally stable, and especially stable + perfectionistic, tend to overload on direct conflict and react by sleeping. It's not that they aren't bothered, but that they cannot take any more and the circuit breaker in their head trips off. In those people, it's not a lack of love or caring, but of ability.

Once that circuit breaker trips, someone has to grab the flashlight, troop down into the basement and flick it back on. And if it trips a second time, then there's too much load on the circuit and something has to be unplugged for a while.

DugALug said...


My husband can go to bed while having a disagreement with me.

I don't think this is limited to gender. What it comes down to is if we feel that we have morally wronged someone.

For the practical person, if we disagree, then that's okay, but if I have wronged you or have been wronged... that's a whole different can of worms.

In those situations, with my wife, business or a friend, I won't sleep for days.

If my wife and I disagree on which house we are going to for Thanksgiving (that's a doozy), I can rest pretty well knowing that that won't be resolved quickly.

I have laid in bed, arguing and having long conversations with my wife in my head: even to the point of resolution and closure. All the while she was peacefully sound asleep. Go figure! I should learn not to do that because she wins most of those battles. ;)

God Bless