I wonder if. . .

I wrote this after my first day of work.

This morning it was cold and dark as I drove to work. I have late issues. I was way too early. I wasn’t able to run the engine to keep myself warm, and I don’t have gas issues. I was bumping orange. I didn’t want to gas up on the way, it might have put me behind.

I sat in my cold car in the dark wishing for more light, I could at least write while I was wasting time. I had taken the time to stop for a donut and a diet soda. Everyone knows that one cancels out the other. I didn’t want to spend my day sitting in front of a computer, I was lamenting about it and the fact that I was cold, sleepy, and my donuts weren't the yummiest. The longer I sat the more I felt sorry for myself, I was cold and hadn't timed my drive.


As the morning progressed, I continued to think about me and me. I could have been at home asleep, in the warm bed. That’s when prospective walked through the parking lot. He must have been colder than I was and probably would have eaten the donuts without a complaint. He made his way to the back of a building. I wondered if he slept in a warm safe place last night.

I wondered if the snowfall had been a hardship on him instead of beautiful. I smiled at the white blanket of snow when I looked outside the morning before.

I sat in my cold car knowing that man has been colder than I have ever been.

I also wondered if he knew Jesus. I watched as these men walked past my car. I wondered where they had spent the night, was it a stairwell cold and damp?

Had they put their tired bodies on the ground and prayed that God would protect them from harm?

Did they ask for forgiveness as they feel asleep?

What indignities had they suffered yesterday?

A proprietor forcing them out of the restroom before they could wash?

People looking away as if they don’t see them?

Was it hard when they realized people were pretending that they weren’t existing. . .invisible?

Did they remember the moment when they became a non?

Is it easier not being noticed?

Not having to see the sad eyes. . . the discussed. . . the faces of their fellow humans.

Wait, aren't they a plight of society? Do they care if they are a plight?

Do they know Jesus?

I could almost understand how one could become disillusioned by God and all of His promises. . . except that we weren’t promised a two-story home in a nice neighborhood. His own Son walked from place to place homeless. Jesus didn’t live in a two-story, four bedroom, two and a half bath, with the open kitchen to entertain friends, home. No, we weren’t promised this life that we have . . .we are blessed by it.


When my children complain about a bad life, as children often do. I say "Wow. I’ll bet that kid eating out of the trash is glad he’s not you." I want my children to grow up with the best that I can provide. I hate the idea of them ever being nonpersons foraging through the trash for a meal. I also hate the idea of them turning away from their brothers and sisters.


How did they get that way?


We were told not to feed or give them money. It’s so difficult for me. I have food that could be shared. I could skip a soda for someone. The sad reality is if I give they will come. Our customers would stop coming.

Who wants to get out of the car only to have a dirty hand put in their face?

Who wants to be followed through the parking lot?

Would you feel good about spending your money on the top of the line power tool after seeing someone pick up a discarded bag from Micky D’s hoping for a left over scrap?

Would you want to go to the restroom only to find a man standing naked washing himself in the sink?

I wonder if he felt his dignity lost when my fellow co-worker walked in?

Did he know Jesus?


1 Corinthians 4:8-13 (New International Version)

8Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich! You have become kings—and that without us! How I wish that you really had become kings so that we might be kings with you! 9For it seems to me that God has put us apostles on display at the end of the procession, like men condemned to die in the arena. We have been made a spectacle to the whole universe, to angels as well as to men. 10We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are honored, we are dishonored! 11To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. 12We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; 13when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.


I wonder:

Do they know Jesus?


Will they be sitting at the table with me passing Heavenly fruit salad some day?


Will I hear "Hey, I remember you, you like to watch the sunrise. I remember watching you stand outside and smile at the sky. I knew you knew Him."?