Saturday, February 24, 2007

Where I fell

Today a friend came to visit.

The moment we met we were friends. The two of us have shared a lot of stuff together. She’s called and said I’m picking you up I need to talk and I go to listen.

It’s an odd thing to me that people are worried about getting too close stripping it away and really letting others see who they are. I find myself holding back and being afraid if I do share something. There are times when I can feel a panic attack coming after I’ve let a bit of who I am or was out. I don’t with her. I think because she doesn’t with me, I know about her problems she has been very open to tell me. I will say that I still hold fast to some of my past. The hard thing is that once you let it out then others know and you are afraid that everything you say or do is being judged by them at that moment based on what you have told them.

I have yet to figure out what to do after I’ve closed my eyes and fallen back. I trusted them once but can I do it again and do they now judge me on the first fall and will they on all others?

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