Scars from childhood on my face, I don’t know how they got there
I fell out of a mimosa tree when I was in grade school, I have a scar on my inoculation scar, on my arm
The small mole on my leg
Signs of child birth done twice
Grey hairs on my head
Wrinkles under my eyes and on my face from life
One eye lid droops more a family thing
I have a dot on the top of my hand I think it’s more of a freckle.
When I’m tired my feet turn in a bit
Bumps and bruises here and there
My Aunt Mary use to say “I love you warts and all”
I don’t have warts I do have a little age spot on my face.
Not long ago I ran into the store to purchase makeup. I use a rather expensive one because it’s better for my skin. Nope I’m not a natural woman. I wear too much eye shadow at times and yes I know it. I try to remove it but it seems to want to stay so that’s who I am and I refuse to change it today. When I arrived at the cosmetic counter the lady was looking for a reason not to stock and Milly was it. A quick make over and off to Target for some food shopping, two fast food places, and the gas station. I suppose He doesn’t care that I wear makeup and color my hair from time to time. Our bodies are made to wear out and they do, at 45 I’m sure of that. I’m short and I don’t care I came from short stock. I want to be thinner because it healthy and mom dying so young means a big risk for me.
This is my life and who I am and some say it doesn’t matter because only God matters. I find that so hard as I stand in front of the mirror wanting to be the best wife, it seems so hard as I lay in bed wanting to be the best mommy ever, it doesn’t matter because when it’s done it’s done. It’s too hard at times and I want to give up and crawl in bed to give way to dreams and fantasies. I love to write about women who are doing the things that I dream of doing I find myself giving them obstacles some large and some small. Is it preparation for difficult times to come? I wonder when I’m looking at my flaws a lack of faith or reality? I believe He gave me this body so I live with it the best I can He gave me my imagination and a way to escape the things that shake me. He gave me forgiveness, I need it often.
I try to look at me from the inside out, I’m not one to compare bodies with super models. I love hard and say the word love when I mean it, if I’ve said I love you know that I do. I want to give you what you need to make it through the hard times. Some days I want to reach out to save you. I’m sorry for your hard days and lonely nights. I don’t care about the amount of dust on my furniture when friends visit I care that they are here. I feel and He gave me that.
He made me sassy and silly. I love to play with people.
What’s inside matters a lot otherwise He would have made us all look alike. I try to imagine what some of you who don’t have pictures up look like. I’d bet I’m way off base. I still say nice eyes sir. God gave you nice eyes I’m sure of that.
So I stand in front of the mirror and look at who I am inside and out.
I am God’s little girl