Feel the chages

I have to admit that I haven’t been in church in the last two Sundays. Part is because I’ve been in need of sleep and part because I’m just not feeling it. Saturday night I didn’t get home from work until after 11pm. By the time I showered and relax it was after midnight. I tried to sleep but it seemed that the clock was taunting me. You now will only get four hours of sleep and so on. I had to be up at 4:30 am for a meeting. Naturally I was awake before the alarm sounded a Michael W. Smith song so I got up early and drove to work. Now what on earth was I thinking? No way was anyone going to be there to open the doors for me so I drove by my grandmother’s old house. We spent an endless amount of hours there when we were kids sliding down the hills, jumping off the porch over the bushes, walking to the little store for Chocolate Soldiers, running to the gas station for Mountain Dew, granny always kept change in a little clear change purse for us. That was a time before parents worried about how much sugar and caffeine their children had. You could play outside in that neighborhood without the worry of what some stranger might do. Heck the biggest worries were us disturbing the neighbors, rubbing the grass off the ground with the seat of our pants as we slid down the little hills, and wearing holes in our pants.


My cousin and her husband wanted to buy the old place for a rent house. I’m kind of glad they didn’t. It wouldn’t look or smell the same. The smell of those pears she ordered seemed to welcome us to the back porch room.


No, things are made to change.


I think that’s why I’ve not been feeling it. Things have changed and I’m not ready to except those changes.


I had to be back at work this afternoon so I headed home after the meeting. My husband called me to see when I might show up to see our son off for his next adventure. His sister told him not to get dehydrated this time. I had to laugh at that, she zinged him and good. I had lunch with my family told everyone goodbye and headed off to work. It wasn’t too bad tonight only one rude man and those are his issues not mine.


The changes are just changes and I know that I shouldn’t let those things stop me from worshiping God but I’ll be darned if I don’t find myself thinking about them as I walk in the building. I know that I need to take it apart and flip it around to see what I might do to stop this road block between me and God. I’ll need to accept the church changes. That I can do, it’s not about where you sit it’s about where your heart is.


The change in a friendship, in a heart, now that’s another thing and that is something a bit harder to do. I’m not very good at being direct when it comes to saying to others exactly how I feel. I tend to try to act like nothing is wrong and pray that it heals itself. This wound is so big now that it won’t heal on it’s own. I just don’t know how to start the healing process.


I pray for wisdom and healing. God will guide me, he always has.