Friday, November 21, 2008

Tell me if I’m right or wrong

I’m bringing this up because I’m just having a hard time believing that this can be true.

I have spoken with men and women gay and straight and I’ve been told the same thing. I find it hard to believe it but when I defend those who I think would never feel this way I’m told that I’m dead out wrong all of you have it in you.

Men are designed to cheat.

I don’t think God created them that way. I can list several men that I don’t think would ever cheat on their wives or girl friends. I think that some do think about it but they would never ever do it. I don’t think that you all think about it because you love and respect your ladies.

If it is true then we are to accept that men will cheat on us! We just need to shut up and allow it. I never wanted to do that to my husband or my family. I never want to be with a man who will do that to us.

Tell me if I’m right or wrong.


karen said...

I don't think they are designed to cheat. Some just do.

Milly said...

Karen you and I are two of the few that feel that way.

Mark said...

Biologically, yes, we are designed to cheat, but some of us, the majority of us, do not choose to cheat. (hello, freewill!)

Lynne said...

Human beings have a default setting called sin. that doesn't mean they all sin in the same way. Some of them are walking with Jesus and are overcoming sin. I know plenty of men who would never cheat on their wives -- not even if they believed they'd never be found out -- because they love their wives better than any other woman, and/or because they care about being people of integrity. "Designed to cheat" sounds to me like using evolutionary theories to justify immorality. My marriage isn't perfect, but I've been married almost 32 years, and my husband has never come even close to cheating.

Patchouli said...

And the the same book, you'll find that women are designed to serve...right?
I'm with you, Milly.

Anonymous said...

If you do a little googling, you'll find that women are nearly as likely to cheat as men are.

And with the coming of age of feminism (our body, our selves), women are more likely to deny their husbands physical intimacy...and that leads to temptation and that can lead to adultery.

I once had a very wise woman tell is the glue that holds a marriage together.

There is a book about "keeping the home fires burning". When that fire goes out, people go looking for warmth.

Anonymous said...

Designed or inclined? Inclined I might believe, designed, nope.

Guys are stimulated visually, a fact that many women know but don't really get. It doesn't take but a look for a guy to be ready to go, women don't generally work that way and can't understand it. It's why there are lots of girlie mags and not so many with photos of men. Men also usually will put secks as pretty high in importance in a their relationship. If it's not there, other women that wouldn't get a second glance usually become attractive.

I heard it said before that a man needs secks to feel close to their wife, but a woman needs to feel close to her husband in order to want secks. I find this at work in my marriage for sure.

This may sound cruel in a way that God would make us so different on something so important. I, however, see it as God's wisdom. If a man loves his wife and cares for her, her physical attraction for him grows. When she gives herself to him physically, his attachment and desire to care for her grows. It's a cycle of love that feeds itself.

That's a generalization, not every couple is the same. Some men and women's needs are reversed.

My point is that many couples I believe fail to understand this. The man just wants secks and doesn't understand what his wife needs in order to want him too. She doesn't really get how important it is to him and how it shows him her love to meet his physical needs.

When the unmet need meets the visual stimuli, desire is hatched. If desire meets opportunity and the will is weak ...

Women can have the same problem. If uncared for and unappreciated and another man innocently begins to compliment and show real concern, the seeds of infidelity are sown.

I think that people focus on the men because their infidelity starts with the thoughts of secks, women generally do not.

Kansas Bob said...

Not sure why some guys cheat on their girlfriend or commit adultery on their wife but I don't buy the idea that all guys are designed that way.. these stereotypes just aren't helpful..

karen said...

"Biologically, yes, we are designed to cheat..."
I guess women are "biologically" designed to pick only the strongest male, too, hmmm?
Guess that leaves a lotta fellas out.

chris said...

I love my wife and wouldn't dream of hurting our relationship!

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I have wanted to ask this on my blog so many times because there is a thread on an Amazon with hundreds of comments and the majority of them say that yes, its "natural" for men to cheat and most men do. I say BS!

I'd like to hear Mark's explanation of why they are "designed" to cheat. Sounds like a lovely excuse to me. I think I was designed to cheat to because I love men and sex and variety. But if I love someone I choose not to screw up that relationship.

I think its a huge insult to the male species to say they were designed to cheat.

You want to hear something that I have never admitted to anyone? Here goes: I have cheated on every boyfriend I have ever had except for one. Why? Because I was told at a young age that all men cheat and it pissed me off so much that I decided I would cheat just in case they ever did so I could say "so I cheated on you first now get lost". I realize this is very sick and unhealthy of me, but its true. The one bf I did not cheat on was someone that loved me so much I could not bear to hurt him. BTW, as far as I know only one of my bfs cheated on me so I did all that cheating for nothing :(

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

PS I can't believe I shared that. I'd just like to go on the record to say that I have a lot of hangups with men and sex and I am not a typical woman in that area. I am afraid of love and commitment. (Kansas Bob, do you remember my bf Paul? he's the only one I never cheated on).

Kansas Bob said...

"I think its a huge insult to the male species to say they were designed to cheat."

I am with you there 100% Barbara.

But sorry.. don't remember Paul. :(

Missy said...

I don't know. My thought is men are not designed to cheat.

What I do know is that once I stopped being surprised that he could cheat, he stopped.

I no longer expect perfection - and now, he almost nearly is perfect.

Hmmm... I'm gonna have to take this thought with me and simmer in it...