Good Bye ladies

It’s amazing how God places people into our hearts.
Two wonderful ladies from my life passed this month.
I shall forever be blessed by those women.
One gave me the gift of books and reading.
The other showed me how to be strong and how to cook.


Thank you for being a wonderful part of my life.

Her Heart

I wrote this some time ago and thought it needed a dusting off to remind me of her and how chosen she was and is. A mother. . .A mother who loved for us and the man that held her hand for us. We are blessed to have Him and them to remind us of the life beyond this.


I’m not so sure that I truly understood the pain that she must have felt while watching Him travel from place to place being treated as a criminal and as a star, so to speak, until I gave birth to my son. He was a surprise, a big surprise. I remember looking in the mirror after the second test thinking huh?. . . . Me . . .Us . . . We can’t do this. I remember the sound of the receptionist’s voice when she said "Congratulations" and I said "A . . . sure" she responded with "Oh" I then began to try to redeem myself with "No. . . no . . . I’m happy".

What did she feel?

Was she as afraid as I was?


More so I think.


My pregnancy was great, my friends and family were happy, my husband was a proud father to be. I couldn’t seem to stop smiling.


Did she keep a smile on her face?


I think she must have.


How did he feel when she told him?


Did he look shocked?


Most fathers do the first time.


This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about:
His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.


I wonder if she talked to Him before he was born?


Did she put her hand on her tummy to feel His kicks?


She must have.


When my son was born I sat in the hospital bed looking down at this small being wondering what to do.


How I loved him so much.


I could hardly take my eyes from him.


She must have been as fascinated.


I remember standing at the window of my son’s room looking out at the moon, so big and silver. It looked as if you could touch it.

I remember as I stood with my sleeping baby, worried as all new mothers worry about the things that could take this little one away, I remember thinking God how hard to send Him here to die.

I couldn’t let my child go to the cross.


I turned and looked at my sleeping boy safe and warm.

I truly know the sacrifice that mother made for us.

She carried a child for us.

She nurtured a child for us.

She watched as they beat, mocked, tortured, and one by one drove nails into Him.
After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him.
Then they led him away to crucify him.


My son had three stitches above his eye I want to take his pain away and I felt like hitting the doctor when he rushed not making sure it was numb.


Only three tiny stitshes went through my heart.


Did it feel as if those nails were going into her heart each one more painful than the other?


How broken she must have felt as she watched her son die a horrible and painful death.


Was she relieved when He took His last breath?


No more pain.


Now it’s done.


How hard it must have been to hold her son knowing He wouldn’t smile at her on this earth again.


Was she comforted by the knowledge that He Was, Is, And Will Always Be?


I know a mother’s heart.

She must have hurt so much for Him.


I know that God gave her comfort through it all.

I am so grateful for Mary.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it" (John 3:16-17).

Praying for good news

My sister is leaving for Houston today to make another visit to MD Anderson.

Please pray for good news... and if it isn’t that we have the strength to stand strong in HIS arms.

Here YOU take the wheel. . .

A few weeks ago I felt like it was all closing in on me. I mean come on already with letting go of control. I want to move on. I want to live my life. He isn’t allowing it, he’s angry and for some reason can’t seem to move onto the “friend” to yell at and control and abuse. They are getting married so bug her not me. I’m not angry anymore, I’m relieved. I don’t wake in the morning wondering what he will complain about. I don’t wonder what new insult he will fling at me. I wake happy, ready to meet the new day. I’ve always been a happy person.

I’ve had a couple of bouts with depression. The first bout was when I decided to leave college and the man that I loved left to see the world and entertain as he traveled. I lost my friends and that man at the same time. I missed college, him, and learning. I threw myself into a horrible job and tried to save money so that I could go back to college. I pulled myself out of the funk and moved on with my life.

The second bout was while married. I pulled myself out by throwing myself into writing.
I’m happy. Even while living with a man who critiqued our lives in and out of the bedroom I was happy. I could see the blessings.

I now go to a divorce group to just talk and to listen. It’s helpful to hear ideas and get prospective from those who are going through the same things. I sat next to a woman who knew my pain and I know how she feels. I know that she too is going to hit that wall. I know that she is going to feel that she will never have control of her life because he won’t let her. We hugged and I tried to tell her that it will get better. It has for me. I gave him that control. I gave him control. I’m now working on not giving him my mood. I’m working on not letting him run my life. I’m not going to allow him to hurt me anymore.

God has, is, and will be a guide. I recently sat in my car feeling that I wasn’t going to be able to give my children much of a Christmas. That I will never be able to fix the things on the house that need work. As I sat in the garage HE began to talk to me. HE asked me to give HIM the control . . . and I did just that.

. . . and HE has blessed me with several wonderful things. Like the insurance company kicking in some money for my knee surgery because of the wonderful lady at the Doctor’s billing department going after them. HE sent many other wonderful ways this last week to let me know that HE is in control.


. . . can we put HIM in control every day?

. . .I’m learning and try’n.

The only person that can control me is the one that I allow the ONE that I need to put in control is GOD.

I am. . .

I'm still here and I'm reading.


Life is a bit crazy.


. . . . .so how are ya?

I long for . . .

When I think about my path I think about my dad and how he would find me in my special place in the woods. It had wild violets, a spring, and lots of buds and blooms in the spring. In the fall the earth smell rich and alive and the colors were amazing. I loved that spot and my dad knew it. If he found me sitting there he would walk quietly away so that I could have my special time in that special place.

I long for a place like that now.
One summer my son and I went sailing. I love the peace that the water brings.
I long for a place like that now.
I watched a sunset from the deck of a ship with my children
I long for a place like that now.
I’ve rested on a boat dock in the fall and listened to teens
I long for a place like that now
I’ve been held by friends who love me
I long for a place like that now.
He has walked in the woods with me,
He has sailed with me,
He stood next to me,
He has rested with me,
He has held me.
I long for a place like that for us now

Think'n differently

Now if you know me you know that I can’t leave it alone. I’ll think about it, pick at it, talk about it and eventually blog about it.

I’ve been perusing Jared’s book lately. I’m not too far into it but I do see an opinion that I disagree with. It’s nothing personal he’s a good writer and preacher and I am far from qualified to disagree out loud but you know how I am.



Genesis 22 (New International Version)

Abraham Tested

1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.

2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about.

4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance.

5 He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together,

7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?" "Yes, my son?" Abraham replied. "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.

10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.


12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."


13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son.

14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."


15 The angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time

16 and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son,

17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies,

18 and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."


19 Then Abraham returned to his servants, and they set off together for Beersheba. And Abraham stayed in Beersheba



Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"

God doesn’t test us because He wants to know how we are going to react. Think about it do you really think that God is sitting up there wondering how we will react. Can you picture it? God leaning over to Jesus saying “Dude wanta make a bet that that he runs away?” I don’t think so. I think that HE knows us and He knows the beginning and the end. He tests us so we will know how we will react. So that we can handle life and death. He tests us so that we know how to obey

2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

WOW!!!!!!WHOM YOU LOVE!!!!!!!
Jared and I agree on this one I won’t kill my kid. Guess who knows that? God knows!

3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey.

Think on this EARLY. Why tell us what time of the day? I think if I had to do something that hard I’d not sleep the night before and I’d need to get up early so that my courage wouldn’t sink. I don't know about you but I tend to put things off the longer I think about it.

He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance.

ON THE THIRD DAY! What a long and difficult journey. Take a moment and think about it. Twice my son had to go into the operating room and with every tick of the clock my heart hurt. I didn’t exhale until his wonderful face was in front of me.

He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

I’m sure he didn’t want to say something like “Hey guys I’m going to kill my son up there so hang tight.” The men might have jumped in and tried to stop that crazy man.

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, 7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?" "Yes, my son?" Abraham replied. "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

I don’t know if God had prepared Isaac but I do think that he wasn’t afraid at that moment.

8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

See they went together. Abraham didn't grab him up and drag the boy.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.

Okay now think about this one. Have you ever tried to get your kid in a wrestling hold? Not too easy is it? Isaac didn’t put up a fight because Isaac would have won the fight. Isaac knew that it was from God.

Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

The knife is in his hand and he is ready to kill his son.

. 11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.

Have you ever been told or thought that someone you love is going to die then you hear that they are cancer free or the heart attack wasn’t fatal. Now think of it at your hand. What a release of air Abraham must have let out.Think on this Isaac thought that the father he loved was going to kill him. He didn't struggle or cry out to God he too had faith in God. He knew that God would take him home to be with Him.

12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."


13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."



Abraham sacrificed his son that day.

He took him to the altar.

He bound him.

He readied the fire.

He raised the knife.

In his heart he killed his son to obey God.

Amazing . . .

and. . .

. . . .. . . frightening.

And have not withheld your son, your only son.

Just as God didn’t withhold His Son His only Son that day on the cross.

What a powerful and amazing story of obedience and love.

The translation of the prayer in post #500

Matthew 6:9-25 (King James Version)

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil:

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever.

Amen

#500

I wanted to try to do something really cool for number 500 actually it’s not the real number 500 because I’ve removed a few for different reasons but it says number 500 so we’ll call it that.

At this point in my life I’m fighting giants and praising God for the wins.

Do you ever think of yourselves as little David standing alone with nothing but a strap and a stone?

Have you ever found yourself looking at that giant?

We aren’t alone because we have God. But when I’m standing in front of that giant I find myself feeling weak sometimes. God knows when my hands shake and the panic comes. He knows when He needs to hand me a stone and a strap. I believe that if God had given David nothing that he could have defeated Goliath with only a puff of air. So I’ll let out a puff of air and say this prayer.

Ama naming nasa langit,
Sambahin nawa ang Pangalan Mo.

Ikaw nawa ang maghari sa amin,
Sundin nawa ang iyong kalooban
dito sa lupa tulad ng sa langit.

Bigyan mo kami ng pagkaing kailangan
nawa sa araw na ito;
At patawarin mo kami sa aming kasalanan,
Tulad ng aming pagpapatawad samga nagkasala sa amin

At huwag mo kaming iharap sa
mahigpit na pagsubok,
Kundi ilayo mo kami sa masama!
Sapagka't iyo ang kaharian at ang kapangyarihan
at ang kapurihan,
magpakailanman!

Amen


Not so cool in the way of pyro tech but a really cool prayer that Jesus gave us.

No matter how He sends us. . .kicking and screaming . . .

I was IM’n a buddy the other night and responded that I was really doing okay in spite of all the stuff in my life. My house is a mess, my lawn needs to be mowed, I have bills to pay, my sister has a rare cancer and isn’t doing well, my son is having surgery to remove the pins this week, I’m getting rid of the kitten and the kids aren’t happy, this is the time of year that my hours get cut and I’ve had to take time off for the boy and my sis. But really I’m okay.

He sent me these words



Philippians 4:11-13 (Today's New International Version)
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength


He has given me the strength to take whatever this life gives. He also has gone and gotten me this past week. Honestly it was as if He grabbed my hand and dragged me to church. I’m a bit of a recluse at times at church. I know it sounds surprising but it’s true. I get the kids where they need to be then head to the booth.

So. . .

I hadn’t planned to show up for the big event at my church. I had done very little to help due to my sister being ill and didn't really care that it was happening. Big deal is what I was thinking. I am not going and who cares if I show up. God cares and He said so in a phone call and with my friends/hey we’re family. (No God didn't call He had someone do it) I was asked if my daughter would light candles for the Saturday night event. I agreed. NOW I HAVE TO GO!

When I walked with my friends/hey we’re family to look at the decorations they told me about the dinner (I even failed to look at what was going on) I told them that I hadn’t sent an RSVP. They informed me that one of our family members had and wouldn’t be there so I was covered.

God fed the multitudes and me.

I worked that morning at my paying job and checked on my son after work then dashed to church. I was needed in the booth and had a blast.

We CofC folks can rock at times.

I wish that I could bottle that spirit up and take it to my sister. I ached for her presence when Sharron sang, she loved listening to her.

I loved the hugs and love.

I visited with several people that I hadn’t seen in a while.

It’s so amazing how God sees what we don’t.

He sees in our darkness.

He sees through us.

He sees within us.

He sees with us.

He knows us . . .

. . . and knows when to drag us into His fellowship to show us love.

The event wasn’t about me it was about celebrating what He gave us and will continue to give to us.

No matter how God sends for us. . .

kicking and screaming. . .

laughing. . .

crying. . .

or singing. . .

we should know that we are sent.

Meet Khloey

Yes she needed a bath

Pull it-Drag it-Hide from it. It just won't go away

Last night as I listened to a friend and gave advice I thought about how we hold on to our childhood mindsets without really realizing it.

That is until. . . .

Warning if you are anti same sex relationships then stop reading. I will hold my feeling about the issue and ask that you also do the same the post is about relationship and mind set not same sex ideas.

My friend is a nice young woman who is stable, generous, and dependable. She gave a friend a kidney knowing it would compromise her life, jobs, and hurt her financially. She holds down three jobs to support herself.

Last night we sat at the break table and talked about her new relationship and what was working and what wasn’t. As I listened to her talk I heard her say it wasn’t expectable to be gay growing up. There it is one of the reasons she has trouble relaxing into a relationship. She shook her head no but I pointed out what she had said. She grew up in a very religious family with parents who didn’t show affection at all to each other. Her mother was treated like a possession. No wonder she is having trouble in a relationship.

We were interrupted because she was on the clock and our boss called looking for her. It’s all good he loves us.

Get past how you feel about same sex relationships and think about how we drag our past into our now. Yes some of them get dragged. We know we have them in tow and we still take them with us knowing it’s going to wreck things. It’s like we can’t help ourselves. We clean out the closet and still place them in the keep pile.


Have you ever found yourself pulling it into your relationship? I'd bet you have. You may not even know it. My parents had a great relationship. They openly kissed and told each other I love you. I wanted that with my ex. We were open about kissing at times but not I love you. I had to say it first and then was crushed when he failed to say it back. It killed me to be the first every night to say I love you. I tried a few times to hold out and to see if he would say it first. He wouldn't and my heart was broken each night. He's say it after sex making it even worse. Guys we ladies want to hear it out of the bedroom not just in the bedroom.


Sometimes they hide inside our brains tucked up under that little end table that grandma had with a hand carved pineapple base. You are just hanging out with someone you love and WHAM your mom’s voice is coming out of your mouth. You find yourself saying “That’s how my dad did it.” BTW your loved one will and is allowed to make that snappy come back “If you know it’s the way he did it and its wrong then change it.” If only you could! I know my ex has said that to me and I have made the come back and nothing got changed.

I told my friend that she is right in getting therapy. I never finished my degree so I am not the expert on this one. I still try years of classes and blogging seems to make me feel like I should be able to speak up.


So how do I let go of all those relationship eating things? I have no idea today but I’ll know if I ever meet a man that makes me think about relationships that I'll need to shed myself of them. I have a feeling that they will still show up. I'll still have moments of distrust from being in a bad marriage. God bless the man that can take it in and help me through it day by day.

I'm sick of the pink hospital

We're in the ER due to a new issue with Memz.

CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fun questions

Here's some fun ones to answer if you want or not.


1. What time did you get up this morning? 4:20 am

2. How do you like your steak? Well done

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Jo Bros 3D

4. What is your favorite TV show? The Big Bang Theory

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Alaska but I love it here also because I have friends and family around

6. What did you have for breakfast? I was a bad girl but try’n to kill a head banger. Naked juice and donuts

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Mexican

8. What foods do you dislike? Baked fish

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Taco Bueno, Pei Wei, Lone Star, Logans etc

10. Favorite salad dressing? Depends on my mood and what kind of salad

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Equinox

12. Your favorite thing to wear? Jeans, sneakers, a shirt.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Hmmm so many places to go

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Definitely 1/2 full!! But wondering who drank half?

15. Where would you want to retire? I get to retire!!!!!!!!!

16. Favorite time of day? Sunrise

17. Where were you born? Tulsa Oklahoma

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? I’m a mood watcher depends on how I feel and what’s on

19. Who do you think will not tag you back? Those who don't want to

20. Person you expect to tag you back first? See number 19

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? everyone!!

22. Bird watcher? Is one flying over me now?!!!!!?

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning

24. Do you have any pets? Yes a kitten will be here soon. If it’s a girl Khloey if it’s a boy Hobbs.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I’d like no more excitement for a while

26. What did you want to be when you were little? Zoologist

27. What is your best childhood memory? Zoo classes

28. Are you a cat or dog person? Both

30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes

31. Been in a car accident? Yes

32. Any pet peeves? Yes several

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Not a pizza snob. I’ll eat almost any kind except Greek because of allergies. Lamb puts me to bed.

34. Favorite Flower? I love them all

35. Favorite ice cream? I love them all

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Taco Bueno

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? zero

38. From whom did you get your last email? An old friend Roger

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? What Dea said credit cards are evil, Use debit cards... I don’t have a credit card.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Heh! You asking me!

41. Like your job? LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!

42. Broccoli? Yes! Let do some

43. What was your favorite vacation? Alaska and Disney World

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Kids

45. What are you listening to right now? TV and my children too bad the kids don’t have a mute button.

46. What is your favorite color? Purple

47. How many tattoos do you have? Zero I see bad ones every day at work

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? None if you want to do it49. What time did you finish this quiz? 8:22pm time for bed

50. Coffee Drinker? Starbucks espresso truffle is dreamy

God hears!

My sister still has cancer but the large tumor isn’t it. It’s also out of her body. We’ve had such a journey so far and many miles to go to rid her body of cancer. I’m preparing the house for her, our family, and friends.

We’ll take it step by step day by day and rejoice in it.

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers.

Big Bang funny

I thought we needed a little Sheldon

I can't wear different pajamas. These are my Monday pajamas.

That's all I'm saying

I bought these Star Wars sheets but they turned out to be much too stimulating to be compatible with a good night's sleep. I don't like the way Darth Vader stares at me.

My boy doesn't have that trouble with his pillow case.

Radiation burns -- a little mishap while I was building my own CAT scanner.... In fact, I was briefly able to see the inside of my sister's guinea pig, Snowball, before he caught fire. It led to an interesting expression in our house: "not a snowball's chance in a CAT scanner

Just too funny

That's preposterous! I do not resemble C-3PO. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered, I just don't see it.

You know you would be too

Now laugh today


From Big Bang Theory

God hear our prayers

The elevator seems like an old friend. I lean back as I ride it up and down.
I know the people taking care of her by name.
I know the cafeteria food all too well and vending has robbed me way too many times.
Between the fear we laugh
Between tears we talk
So many unknowns
Friends call and visit
Flowers, cards, and food
I’m thankful that God sent a soft shoulder to cry on

My sis and me

Here I am sitting in the hospital watching my big sis sleep.
It seems like a dream one really bad dream.

I thought I’d tell you a bit about her.

Memz is a single woman who worked hard to get where she is, but that’s only a small part of who she is.

Let’s start with something from childhood.

Thanks Jason for the reminder of those little moments.

We grew up sharing a room.
At night we’d play that game. If you shared a room you know the one. Ours went like this.

You turn off the light.
No you turn off the light
You were the last one in bed you turn it off
You’re closer, you turn it off
I’m asleep. (Fake snoring noises)
I’m asleep first (Fake snoring noises louder)
You are faking it
You are faking it
Am not
Are so
You are
Dad’s voice GIRLS!!!!!
Giggles
GIRLS!!!!
Shhhh turn off the light
You turn off the light
You turn off the light.
No you turn off the light
You were the last one in bed you turn it off
You’re closer, you turn it off
I’m asleep. (Fake snoring noises)
I’m asleep first (Fake snoring noises louder)
You are faking it
You are faking it
Am not
Are so
You are
THUMP THUMP THUMP Dad’s footsteps
(Whispers) Now you’ve done it
(Whispers) Not me you
Door is opened man with disapproving look turns off the light.
Girls giggle because they know that daddy loves them and smiled as he walked away.

I’m praying that the light stays on for years to come.

Please pray

Please pray for my sister.

She’s facing a giant . . . .CANCER.

. . . .and yes we are vary afraid.

Fear not! I'm afraid and proud of it!

Fear is a wondrous thing to me. If we actually own up to it we fear a lot of things. Some of those are rational fears some are irrational. The cool thing is that God knows us. He knew that we would have all kinds of fear.

The word fear is in the NIV Bible over three hundred times.


Everyone has thorns with their roses. Yes I think that strife and fear are on the same subject line. Not having enough money to pay the bills brings fear. Will the water get shut off? What about food for my children? If you’ve never had to worry about the basics in life then you’re blessed but not as blessed as those who have been hungry only to be fed. God has always seen that I be taken care of from a roof over my head to a meal when hungry. I learned more about how wonderful humans are when I lived on my own. I’m sure that the blessing will continue now that I’m single again.

Divorce brings fear.

I was afraid to stay with this man who told me how horrible it was to be with me. He let me know that I never met his expectations and he told me every day that we were together. He didn’t say it outright every day but he let me know by slamming a door or an object. I felt that he hated the very sight of this house it was his prison and that those of us inside held the keys to his freedom.

When he told me that he wouldn’t leave her for me I knew it was done. I still tried, after all twenty years of marriage doesn’t go gently into that good night. It yells, cries, and pounds its fists. It says things that hurt beyond repair.

I remember the moment that I knew I was done he chose to kiss the dog goodbye instead of me. The dog was once again put in front of me. At least it wasn’t her text messaging or a call. Many times we would be talking and that woman would have to hunt him down. Good grief it was as if she knew we were together. Her marriage was sinking so why not help mine go down with it. On my way to work I made the call to my sister-in-law and my brother to help me find a good attorney. My sis-in-law is an attorney and my brother is a lobbyist. My sis’n law listened to me tell my story. She understood and was just what I needed at that moment and many after.

Many times I would show up at church looking, as my friends have told me, beat down and as if the world was on my shoulders. I sat in the booth and cried. “G” just worked around me as if nothing were wrong once in awhile asking me to push a button or turn something on. Others hugged me giving words of encouragement. I didn’t tell anyone for a while, actually the news paper told a few. I was afraid to tell them and I was afraid to tell my children. I said something to the worship minister in front of my minister, I think it was about working out at an apartment workout room. My minister led me out of the room and confronted me about the divorce. He told me that he and his wife were sorry and if I need anything to please let them know. His wife found me where I usually hang out at on Wednesday nights. She related the same as the minister I told her that I was doing alright she cried and told me she wasn’t. My fears of telling people at church were gone. They loved me and would give me what I needed. support.

I was afraid about taking care of the house. I’m handy but not at everything. I was told this week that whatever help I needed was a phone call away.

Telling my children was hard Miss Littles was devastated and held me as she cried. God has sent us friends who understand and live right next door. They know too well. Miss Littles and her friend have spent the summer together. They are swimmer as we speak. I have a friend who gets all those fears and tries to solve them or at least listen. It’s good to have Christian friends next to us. I’ve been told by the Miss Little Friend several times that they are glad that we are Christians. So am I God has held me through all of this.

One friend has let me cry on his shoulder, so to speak, and has met a lady who makes his heart thump. I miss him but what a joy to know that we can be so devastated, so afraid, and then be given love and hope.

I think I may be ready to date again but that brings a whole new set of fears. After all I was told how I didn’t measure up every day for almost twenty years.

I learn from fear. At times I was afraid of being hit by him. I was afraid of how the judge was going to rule, I was afraid of my children falling apart, I was afraid of what people might think. I was afraid of lots of things and it seemed all the things around me. Then the morning came and the sun came in a beautiful new painting from God and it was a new day to wade through those fears.

I’ll write about feeling stupid some day, after all it wasn’t his first. It was, however, the last one I have to deal with in my marriage.

So if you are afraid know that you aren't alone. God has your back and I'm praying for you.

If you need to vent fear/fears you are welcome to do it here. You don’t have to say who you are. We (those who visit will spend time here.) will pray for you.