Thursday, November 30, 2006

Let it snow

By bed time last night it was freezing rain then sleet. I drove to work at 4:30 this morning so that I had plenty of time. I had fun at work we were just busy enough to keep me out of trouble. Important. I’ll post on that later.

The sneet was really coming down throughout the day. Sneet is snow and sleet.

Late afternoon it has turned to snow, lots of snow.

Tonight I’ll dress warmly and walk outside to take in the peaceful beauty.

Tonight while having snuggle time with Miss Little, she demands it every night, I began to think about life and stuff.
I wondered how my cousin and his son are doing now that the girls have moved out. I began to think about how my marriage has outlasted some. I wonder if they will ever get over what she did. I thought about hot chocolate as we drank, would she have made it for them? Did she feel a loss today when the snow fell and the boys weren’t with them, perhaps the new man was there.

I thought about mom and how soon the date that I hate will come bringing a deep sorrow in my heart, something I still don’t understand. I should call my friend to comfort her, why can’t I dial that phone? Is it because it’s so close to that date and the snow as much as I love it, and yet a sadness in me. I loved sitting with mom watching it snow, the smell of the wood burning stove. Hot chocolate with marshmallow cream, she loved that stuff we’d find empty jars with only a spoon it them in the cupboard, after she was gone we made fudge and found one. It brought laughter to us when we felt like crying.

This mornings coldness made my heart ache for those without warmth.
My husband driving home worries me, I’m glad my sister is home safe from her trip.

Tonight I want to stand outside and scream, I won’t break the silence so the scream stays within.

I know that I’m blessed with more than I’m worthy I feel my sin I know it by name.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

This is now a teenager!

I went to my parents home for Thanksgiving when I walked in my Aunt asked me when I was going to have my baby. I looked at my watch and smiled. I then put her hands on my tummy one on his bottom and one on his head. She was a volunteer EMT so she knew I was about to pop. It was a good thing that he had waited because at the end of September things were on the move and I was having contractions, that’s not a good combination. I spent time in the hospital and in bed at home. Everything went where it was suppose to go, thank God., I was able to go back to work in November as long as I promised not to lift stuff. He wasn’t due until December according to the calculations, according to my husband and I we knew he was coming in November. I knew the exact moment he was conceived.

I spent Saturday listening to my mom tell everyone in the mall I was going to give birth any second. Sunday my husband and I walked the mall, I told him how disappointed I was in not having him when my aunt and uncle were in town. I also just knew I was to go into labor today. We went home to cook dinner. I changed cloths and before I could start dinner well . . . my husband had to clean the mess off the floor. Monday morning, November 29th, we were holding that baby boy.

Now he’s a teenager. It’s been an interesting journey so far and I’m looking forward to the future as he becomes a man.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Is your candle lit?

I think that most of us have let the candle go out at one time or another. We get up get dressed and have ourselves a day of darkness, without even knowing it is my guess. Codepoke and I commented on how to get someone to light the candle.
Bible Study: Assurance?

In order to get them to put the wick to the flame we need to be sure that we have a flame going in ourselves. I gave this some thought after I wrote that on Codepokes blog. Do I have the flame? Do I have the flame of God in my heart? Am I even worthy to point to someone and tell them to get burning?

I have to admit my flame flickers in the wind. I have found myself in the darkness questioning God. That’s right I admit it I question Him in times of darkness. . . He answers with light. I’m not as studious as Codepoke when it comes to the word, I feel blessed to have found him, he’s been great in his pursuit of understanding. I am a woman who tries to hear God in the wind, in my children, in the Bible, and in my heart.

I’ve always been taught to think for myself "don’t be a follower" is what Daddy said. . .and so I dance to a different tune. That makes you stand alone when that music ends and it can be rather difficult you begin to doubt yourself. . . .your flame grows dimmer. But this is how God made me and this is how I am He must have wanted a Milly. . .a Milly to question herself so that she can search and find so that she can remember and rekindle the flame.

Today I gave the flame some thought . . .today I made sure my candle was lit.

How is your burning for Jesus?

Monday, November 27, 2006

How do we let the neighborhood know that our church exists without knocking on the door and smacking them over the head with a Bible?

It seems to me to be a fine line between being annoying and being nice when it comes to inviting folks to church.

Several years ago one of our ministers decided to hold a free car wash. No big God only loves clean cars or if you are killed in this car you’ll go to hell pitch.

Last year we held Christmas Eve and Christmas services, my husband put the events on the church sign , several visitors came and one family said that the invitation on the sign brought them in and the hospitality let them know that this is where God wanted them to be.

I use to find a plastic Easter egg on the lawn every year, inside was an invitation to Easter services at a church near by.

I’ve heard of giving out 9v batteries with a note attached saying we care about you please change the battery in your smoke alarm, with the church information on it. Don’t add anything like if you died a sinner you’ll burn in hell, people hate to hear that.

I don’t mind people knocking on my door to invite me. I’m not fond of opening the door with my hair a mess, no makeup, and barking dog trying to eat those church folks. Only to see the picture perfect family standing on the stoop with that smile on their faces. I tell them thank you for the invitation and close the door.

I stared a tradition with our cub scout group to Christmas Carol for food for a food pantry. That would be a fun thing to do gather a group and Christmas Carol to let them know you care.

So how do we reach the masses?

Any ideas?

Sunday, November 26, 2006

It's Sunday

. . . .and today I wondering how to deal with conflict with a person who is very difficult to deal with. I have asked someone else involved to do this for me. I have also brought issues up to an elder. I sat next to this person in church thinking about how wrong he is and how wrong I am for moving my focus to this problem and not keeping it on God. I also went to my bosses about it, they had hoped that I wouldn’t find out what he had done. I easily put the pieces together and made a couple of calls. They let me rant. That entire day that song was in my head "Go away why don’t you just go away" After this he might, I hope so the things he does taints the good he has done. I know that I need to give this one to God.

That’s where my free thoughts will be today.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Sunday, November 19, 2006

I climb

Forgive me Lord for standing at the bottom of the mountain looking up and think it too mighty of a climb to even start. I tarried so long in the meadow chasing after butterflies with nonsensical dreams, picking flowers things fade and die in my hands.

Forgive me for giving the glory to myself when I began to climb, prideful to see how quickly and how far I made it on my own, never stopping to realize my view was your creation as I took a breath and marveled at the land below. I could not see that the footholds were planned by You.

As I climb my mountain I realize this climb is my judgement each reach each foot step is being judged. I am thankful for the blood of forgiveness when I’m feeling alone in my climb, you were forgotten in the moment of my sin. Forgive me for not realizing it was your hand that reaches for me when I’m hanging from those rocks. It was you who kept me warm when I slept in that cold dark cave of the unknown.

Thank you Lord for the stars at night and the sun in the day. It is your was your creation growing so beautifully amongst the rocks, your creation given what is needed by you to thrive in such a harsh place to seed and live on.

Thank you Lord for the love that has gotten me to the summit. I fall to my knees and thank you for the view of your creation that you have given me.

Thursday, November 16, 2006


Today was a good day I had lots to do at work and saw some of my favorite guys, one three times, he put his head down like a guilty little boy when he once again came through my line. I’ll probably see him tomorrow. I danced and sang off key to Christmas music with one of the new guys until our boss said the music was bad enough me singing was too much, yes apparently that’s how we trick you into purchasing more unneeded items we pipe in Christmas music.

Tonight I feel a bit wiped out I’ve cooked, cleaned, homeworked, answered the phone made phone calls, typed, and done some paperwork. I’ve had snuggle time and tucked them in.

It’s a bit odd to me how you can have such a great life with so many blessings and still feel like I do right now. I suddenly felt as if it was too much. . . the demands of the day. I’m sure that I’m not alone, I'm sure I’m not. We all have moments when we could walk away from the reality of day to day and sit alone on the top of a mountain. That’s what I feel as if I need to get on my knees and reach for the top of the mountain for peace.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

How to we select volunteers?

Well that in a way is a very silly question. People volunteer because they want to do what ever task they are passionate about. The problem is as byevad and Danny pointed out we must protect those who are susceptible to harm not just physically but spiritually. That doesn’t just apply to our youth us adults can fall prey to the false word.

The thing is when a new comer walks in those doors and offers to help we need to let them help somewhere that is fulfilling and will spark their passion to serve. Nothing personal but telling someone to just hand out bulletins might extinguish the fire to help. Sure it’s an important job I love those who do it where I attend but it’s not my passion. I love greeting people when we have special occasions but I want to be in the sound booth, it’s my passion. I’ve been a leader of a women’s group, a Sunday school teacher, the teacher’s assistant, a greeter for a Group publishing event, dish washer, MOPS hospitality leader, worked in the kitchen, spackled and painted, helped in children worship, LTC drama leader, and many more things. The thing is that we can easily toss a good volunteer away, they most likely will stop volunteering or find a place where they feel needed. I walked away the first time I offered to help out and wasn’t just turned down I was down right ignored, it took me years to go back to trying to help. Now I’m full in because of the passions God gave me.

Volunteering gives ownership to the church

That’s right it gives ownership. The more that people are involved the more they care about the life of the church.

Volunteering brings up tithing for some

They have seen first hand where the money goes and needs to go. The first project my husband did at our church was to rebuild a wall, paid for mainly out of our pockets. He said he wanted to and no one stopped him even though he was rather new to the congregation. Now he’s the ministry leader. He wasn’t told you can’t do that because. . . .

We also have to make sure that everyone is involved who needs to be.

I don’t know if you heard of ruffled feathers in other ministries like we have. In December we have a huge project coming up, the baptistry, and brand spanking new one is waiting to go in. This involves several ministries from those who keep the plants around it to people who want to be baptized while the thing is out. It would be very easy to step on toes, yes we are suppose to be Christians and grown ups and I need not say more?

The un believer who wants to help.

The Habitat House, building a neighbors fence, serving food to the homeless, a community project, we all should be aware that non believers are around us we may not be the seed we might be the fertilizer that makes that seed sprout. We should always be aware of those who might just need us to shine a little light on the beginnings of a new Christian.

I haven’t seen an un believer in the teaching area perhaps some of you have, I haven’t. Please give examples if it’s happened to you.

There is always room for one more to hold a paint brush, fix a toilet, help in the kitchen, the food bank, work sound, and so many other areas. If they walk in that door they believe something, they are wanting for something, you need to find out what their passions are and help them become a Christian.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

What I did this Saturday and what I think

I spent Saturday working at my church I ran A/V for a Group Publishing event. It’s a pretty easy gig and the pay is nice. The only issue is that you spend several hours sitting and pushing a computer button. I know some of you do that all day, I’m not sure that’s for me.

I was a bit disappointed in not seeing anyone from any ministry team in our church, this was about getting and appreciating volunteers. Those are difficult issues at times and we should have had leaders at the event. I asked my husband why he didn’t consider going and he told me he was unaware of it. Hmmm could be no one knew.

Balls get dropped. Lip service happens.
We all have great ideas and we want to put these great events on yet we don’t always have time nor want to do the work, we expect others to take it on. When was the last time you showed up with cleaning supplies to clean a wall? How about just fixing the toilet instead of reporting that it still has a broken handle? I want to tell people when the complain about a mess or broken objects to pitch in and help, I don’t instead I tell my husband.

I have found myself volunteering for jobs then thinking "Was I just insane at that moment?" We’ve made some staffing changes in our church and I’m wondering how much of the load I can take on, that’s crazy for me to do much more. That’s another problem, some of us do more than we should we neglect or families and our own time, the time we should be spending with God. I doubt that many of us haven’t at times been so focused on the task at hand that we have neglected to see God. We dash around doing "God’s work" so much that we aren’t doing God’s work. I love the verse in the song "For a song in it self is not what you require" God doesn’t want us to over stress ourselves. He wants us to give with a glad heart, that’s not just about handing over money. Give time with a happy heart.

Something very cool happened at this event Saturday, I couldn’t keep up with the script. It’s scripted so that the slides go with what they are saying. It has places in the script for the presenter to tell stories and ask questions so it becomes more personal. I was trying my best to keep up but couldn’t. The presenter came back after the first break and said I don’t know it seems as if God has taken over I’ve never deviated from the script like this before. She allowed for the needs of the crowd, it was great. She let God take over, we were patient with each other on the slides and videos so we weren’t stressed.

I had an issue with a question that came up. What do you do when an unbeliever wants to volunteer, how do you tell them they can’t do that?
Did she say that the way we heard it?

Sure now I’ll agree you might not want a non believer teaching children unsupervised, then again what? I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of this ever being an issue. When someone comes into the church you should welcome them and if they volunteer then let them. (Yes you want to make sure it’s safe and you give the guidance. If they walk in those doors then they believe in God. They may not know all the details but they know something bigger is at work and they need us to open our arms and love them.

So you know I hate the titles unbeliever, nonbeliever, and unchurched. If I heard someone call me that not actually knowing who I was I’d walk out of the building.

Friday, November 10, 2006


This is a test post to see if all is working

BOREDOM? Miss Littles


It's a GREEN Day

A. . . .that might work except she was talking instead of working. I need to have her hearing and eyes checked to rule out those problems. Now a days in this school system if you finish your work early they give you more to do, the teachers are all for advancing, they allow each child to move at their own pace. It’s a much better system then when we were kids. Our focus isn’t just on football, we are in the top team rankings. The chemistry and biology programs have been recognized as one of the strongest college Advanced Placement programs in the state.

The Superintendent of the schools puts a very strong emphases on academics. She’s a great speaker and I’ve enjoyed hearing her speak several times. One cool thing that she does while on vacation is to take her children to the local colleges to look around. I love that idea and will do that from now on.

My husband and I never gave that school system a thought when we were looking for a home because we weren’t looking to have children, see how God blessed us a nice neighborhood school in a great school system, we moved staying in this school system and chose this area because of how nice it is. God put us in this house and that school.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I haven’t a clue as to what to do

My daughter can’t shut up. Spirited yes but she needs to learn how to control herself. I love that she bright and full of joy but she has to shut up.

She comes home almost every day with yellow. It’s a scale of goodness and green is best. Her teacher seems to be out of ideas because she asking for help. I’ve tried taking privileges away, I’ve put toys on the refrigerator, I even told her, after going to a craft show where it seemed as if everyone had beads, that we could bead if she can stay on green. Nothing has helped and today was my last straw, yep I did it. I hate having to, I’m not for it or am I the best at it. I end up feeling guilty. My mom wasn’t good at it and I don’t remember my dad ever doing it to me.
So here I am and she is in her room, most likely asleep now.

On the bright side of my day my son is joining DF-Y he’s excited to be a part of the Drug Free Youth and that makes me feel very proud of him. He was also in a hang with mom mood when he got home, that was cool we talked for awhile before I had to leave for my chatter box.

Help me parents were your kids talkers?

How do I stop her from disrupting the class yet hold on to who she is?

(We don't say shut up in our home)

Monday, November 06, 2006

I can see

As I walked to my daughter's school I took the time to enjoy the fall weather. It’s over cast and damp. The trees are so beautiful deep rich colors this year. We never know in Oklahoma if our fall will be this nice so we relish the beauty God sends us. While I was walking I was thankful for my eye sight.

Several years ago I went camping with my son, it was a fun time. I was introduced to a man who made it even more of an enjoyment, he took great care of us women and even call us his women. I camped next to his camp site and knew two of the ladies with him. (I was the only woman in my camp site, that's another story.) We were sitting together in the mess hall, yes they fed us, most likely to save us from eating hot dogs every night. I do know that some of those guys were Dutch oven masters, wonderful cobblers were served up for me to taste one night. Howard and I spoke about his eyes, he was going blind with no cure. He talked about taking in life and how blessed he was because other don’t see what he sees.

As I walked I was thankful that the medication I’m on will most likely go away in December, it has made my eyes dry and my vision blurred. I have trouble reading small print even with my glasses. It takes me a bit longer to read long posts and at times I have to stop and go do other things. This will pass and I will be back to normal if everything is working properly in December.
I feel some pain still but not the kind of pain that makes my life intolerable, the pain will also pass, if everything does what it’s suppose to do, and I do what I’m suppose to do.

(Side note the guy who cooked for us also held a campfire ceremony that was way cool. He spoke a few words about the camping of the past then poured ashes into the new fire. He had saved ashes for every campfire for years and sort of blessed each camping trip with the memory of the years past. That would be so cool for your children to have to pass on. )

This fall brought changes
Death of a love ones grandmother
Loss of a baby growing in a friend
Life growing inside another friend’s body
Children taken from a home because of postpartum depression
A marriage lost forever in my family, and an angry son
A boy turning into a man, soon to be thirteen

Thursday, November 02, 2006

God is with us

Mama is going to have a baby soon. I pray that it is a girl. The fate of our boys is so atrocious. I cannot look into the river and not weep. Mama tells me to hold on to God, she promises that he will deliver us from this place of oppression. She told me that no matter what this baby is that God promises to protect it. She seems so sure.

We’ve hidden him for three months, he’s a joy but every day brings fear of what will happen if we are discovered. I’ve seen others try to hide the little ones, it’s so heart breaking, too difficult to describe. The river is filled with the tears of mothers and fathers. I saw the pain in my mother’s eyes as she prepared a basket, I put my hand on her hand and asked why she was covering it with pitch and tar. I watched as she kissed him then she lovingly place him in the basket. I followed as she went to the Nile and placed it among the reeds along the bank. I watched to see what would happen to him and followed as he drifted away. I believe my heart skipped a beat ever time the basket was jostled. I wanted to dive in to save him. Momma told me that I must stay strong for God is with us.

I watched as the Pharaoh’s daughter instructed a slave to fetch the basket from the water. I slowly went to them as to only be a passer by and not a sister to the little one. This woman with fine clothes, the daughter of such an evil man, felt pity for my brother I saw it in her eyes when she heard him cry and looked in at him. "Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby?" Those words came out of my mouth without a real thought as if God had put them there. "Yes go" she answered . I ran all the way to my mother and out of breath I told her of my brother’s fate. My mother smiled and took my face in her hands "See child God is with us"